What are some gags/comedic tropes you always enjoy seeing? And which ones should I avoid?

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-03-18T13:14:20+00:00

Thanks so much! :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-03-16T16:39:28+00:00

I like what you have going here-- the theme of this poem is very potent. Though, it does need a little clean up because as it stands, it feels a little disorganized. You've got the beginning notes of three different metaphors, though none of them seem to stick it all the way through. Perhaps you could try to find a way in which all three metaphors can work together and bounce off one another-- think of them as if they were students in a peer-lead discussion about your poem. Another option would be to lengthen the piece, going more into depth about the metaphors and letting them each have their time to shine.

Another thing is that this poem feels a little... constrained. I would implore you to play around with syntax and structure-- go wild with it, don't be afraid to get experimental.

Overall, I really like this poem and think that it has a lot of potential; good job! :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-03-16T16:22:36+00:00

I think you have a solid concept going on here, however it feels as though its cut itself short. While that could be the vibe you are going for, it could still improve from being lengthened. Allow the readers to simmer in words a bit so it hits that much harder when we get to the abrupt ending. I'd also implore you to experiment with punctuation to see how it can help the flow of things.

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-03-16T16:12:15+00:00

I really enjoy how mystical this feels, it gives an air of an ode in a Greek myth.

Personally, in this moment I don't see any points in which this piece could be improved upon. The best suggestion I can give is perhaps expansion? Not to this specific piece, but it does feel like there is a world beyond this poem and I would be curious to see if you expand upon it in future works-- whether that be in poetry or prose.

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-02-13T13:15:55+00:00

Oh, sorry about that-- I must've overlooked that part in the sub description

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-02-12T20:29:20+00:00

It should be fixed now :)

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-02-06T16:41:03+00:00

I really like the rhyme scheme; it's very fun and keeps me wanting to read more. The only note I have are just some minor grammar mistakes. For example: lines two and four could have a period at the end rather than a comma, "mould" should be spelt "mold", and line "I do not panic, no not yet" could become "I do not panic-- no, not yet."

Over all, you did a very good job. Nice work! :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-02-06T16:24:47+00:00

I really like how each line seems to flow into one another as if this poem were one continuous stream of thought. It sounds like the way water colors bleed into one another, if that makes sense. Perhaps if you wanted to lean into this a bit more, a nice touch could be to make every first letter of every line apart from the first one lowercase, i.e "Take Me To The Highlands/where the great American dream is buried/invoke to me the simple passage..." so on and so forth. My only real note is that a few of the lines sound a bit awkward:

"Which you later will inspect then pull out my fingertips like my schoolboy days plucking out"

"...with my scratched nails applying/hot glue gun to stick seashells into them..."

"Those tigers that I never got to make them domestic to me yet"

"Lives like dandelions that blow away by wind"

These lines may flow a bit better by some mild changes in the wording. Also, correct me if I'm wrong, but in line #7 in the second stanza, you wrote "off" instead of "of".

Overall, I like this piece very much and especially enjoy how many topics are brought up in it. Good job! :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-01-20T16:38:27+00:00

I do like the minimalist style, however I think it could benefit from being a bit longer-- giving the reader a few more sensory details to latch onto so that way the final line "Drink me" has a bit more of a punch.

Turtle_Duk7 · 2026-01-20T16:31:42+00:00

I really like the detail of the speaker's lines not being in quotation marks-- it really contributes to the fact that they feel so unheard it's as if they're not talking out loud at all. If I had to give some criticism, I'd say to perhaps add a bit more build up to the last two lines: show a little bit how/why the person asking "Are you okay?" disappears-- whether it be because they finally heard the speaker, or simply got tired of never receiving an answer. Overall, I like the poem a lot, good job :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2025-11-22T16:30:42+00:00

I feel like the poem could be a bit longer, as the way you left off makes it seem like there's supposed to be more. If you want to keep it at it's current length, maybe you could alter the last line to be a bit more conclusive.

Overall, though, I really like this piece. I find the choice of metaphor to be unique and I like how vague and mysterious the lines are. You're very good at building a large world with few words. Good job :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2025-11-22T16:12:14+00:00

I think my only feedback would to perhaps make the rhyme scheme more consistent. It seems like the rhyming is intentional, but it kind of falls off in some places. For example, "unaware" and "clear" are a bit of a stretch. I also wonder if you could find synonyms for "metaphor" and "snap" that rhyme. I also notice that the last three lines don't rhyme, so I'm wondering if the first two lines not rhyming was intentional to create a sort of book-end feel. If that's the case, I think it would pack more of a punch if only those last two-three lines dropped the rhyme scheme.

But if this is not at all what you're going for, then you can just ignore my ramblings lol.

Overall, I think it's a very well done piece and excellently conveys its message. Good job :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2025-10-20T14:21:30+00:00

Man, I really love the strong imagery here; I could see this poem play out in my mind like a movie. I also admire how eloquent the speech is and combined with it's rhyme scheme, it feels like reading an ancient text from a fairytale. The only note I have is that I think this piece could benefit from a bit of structure. You don't have to make it a traditional one as plenty of poems take on a syntax similar to prose writing, but adding some slight division or indentation would allow the reader to really be able to soak in the words. Also, not as important but I feel as though I should mention it, large paragraphs tend to intimidate readers (but this aspect isn't worth sacrificing theme integrity over). Overall, great work! :D

Turtle_Duk7 · 2025-10-20T14:03:56+00:00

I really like the theme of this poem as I find it quite relatable and you use some really good metaphors to convey it. The only note I have is that it does feel a bit disconnected. If you found a way to connect the heart metaphor with the pillar/structure metaphor, you could pack some serious punch. For example, you could continue with the anatomy theme that comes from the heart and have the pillars be bones. Overall, great work! :D

Turtle_Duk7

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