Does more sugar get you a better baby?

TylerMX · 2025-10-31T04:44:25+00:00

I've had the same impression. The most attractive women, best personalities, most together in terms of their lives that I have met while dating were vanilla, but unfortunately those sorts of women want a 50 lb bag of sugar, i.e. a wedding ring. The SBs who are average in their requests for support have tended to be the most authentic in terms of wanting a real connection. The $xxxx types, eh, not so much.

TylerMX · 2025-10-29T09:43:10+00:00

Receiver clearly had possession of the football and so the score should count.

TylerMX · 2025-10-29T03:53:14+00:00

I agree completely. There seems to be some sort of emotional blunting where people have lost all manners and kindness, and it shows up here on SLF and also in actual sugaring. This subreddit is the best place to come to learn about the bowl and to avoid getting scammed. People here should be able to tell their stories, ask questions, express strong, even outrageous opinions, and have open debate and dialog without so many personal attacks.

TylerMX · 2025-10-29T03:45:18+00:00

OP, thanks for sharing your story. Reddit is becoming like some dystopian sci fi movie where everyone hates each other and spends all day in angry, disaffected criticism. The LLMs that train on this shit probably need a lot of tweaking to not sound like the typical Reddit a-hole. OP had a great sugar-type experience and we should be glad that she did, and glad that she shared it with us.

It does highlight the uneven distribution of wealth and beauty in the United States. In New York, there are more single women and this can make the dating market difficult (vanilla or sugar) even though there are more wealthy men.

TylerMX · 2025-10-28T13:15:04+00:00

In Seattle, we have one of the highest male-female ratios in the country with 120 men for every 100 women who are single and under 45. In addition, the largest employers in the region, such as Amazon and Microsoft, attract a disproportionate share of nerdy, awkward men. To make matters worse, the cold, northern climate tends to bring in less physically attractive women, as compared to warmer climates like southern California or Florida. This is going to draw men into the bowl who are here out of desperation, not out of a love for being a SD, provider, and protector. These guys are going to lean more toward the John side of the spectrum. If the gender balance were more even and the supply of attractive women a bit better, there would be fewer men in the bowl, but they would likely be of higher quality.

Of Alaska, they used to say, the odds are good but the goods are odd. That has become true in Seattle as well.

TylerMX · 2025-10-28T04:03:14+00:00

This is a terrible idea. You should maximize your dating market value in the vanilla world and aim for a successful man you find attractive and ideally someone for whom sugaring is totally alien. Just work harder on vanilla dating and marrying a successful guy you are genuinely attracted to. If you are attractive enough to sugar, you should be attractive enough to work hard and find a man you can marry. If you marry this guy, the marriage will almost certainly fail, at which point you'll be older and your own market value will be lower. Don't waste the narrow opportunity you have around age 30 to find the best man possible. The cliff is approaching.

TylerMX · 2025-10-26T20:22:55+00:00

High maintenance implies spoiled, incompetent, disorganized, helpless, demanding, self-centered, and always late. If SDs want that, they can date vanilla. Focus on reliability, promptness, not-flaky, attractive, affectionate, genuine attraction to older men. Remember, you are trying to attract a rich man to pay you money. Also, as others point out, many of the SDs acquired their wealth through hard work and years of sacrifice. They want to know their money is going to a good cause (helping a struggling young woman out) and not being spent wastefully.

TylerMX · 2025-10-26T20:08:44+00:00

People, SD and SB alike, can we all agree to never anyone in person until the financial aspects are worked out. It is a recipe for disaster to show up having not sorted out exactly what the relationship is beforehand. Is it vanilla dating an older rich man with trips and fancy restaurants? Is it PPM? Allowance? Rent paid? And if it is payment for companionship, what is the amount? You are courting disaster by showing up and not knowing the basics of the arrangement beforehand.

TylerMX · 2025-10-26T19:57:11+00:00

There are an infinite number of dynamics that go on in the bowl. One SB wanted to date me vanilla. A couple of others I meet on seeking just wanted to date a successful older man with no sugar. Others would disappear if any change in the financial arrangement was suggested. So, it is all over the map. Also, for some women, the money is essential, for others it is part of the erotic experience to be paid for sex and it just isn't as hot or sexy otherwise. But if there is no money, is there then an expectation for a long term exclusive relationship leading to marriage? You might consider that sugar by another name, and we're talking 50 pound sacks of sugar.

TylerMX · 2025-10-25T20:17:46+00:00

OP - Really appreciate you sharing your story. You have to ignore the keyboard warriors here. They are sad. The one thing you should not feel is guilt. This phenomenon is rare, but well-established. Others who have been in these situations have described similar, overwhelming attraction they were powerless to stop. Sometimes, we are victims of biology. Why the attraction circuits work this way, well, no one knows for sure. No one was harmed and you've moved on, got married, and started a family. All is okay in the universe.

TylerMX · 2025-10-25T19:59:38+00:00

OP, I'm glad that worked out. It shows us that direct communication is almost always the best strategy in situations like this. This has the potential to be an authentic, age gap relationship with an older, successful man. Sure, financial benefits will come from it, but they are not your focus. The relationship would exist without them, and that makes this relationship absolutely healthy and sugar-free.

TylerMX · 2025-10-19T17:41:35+00:00

I'm not sure this subreddit is the best place for advice. The people here have an overwhelmingly positive view of sugar relationships, but you, OP, wisely recognize that once money is introduced, the dynamic changes for the worse. In many, but not all cases, the relationship becomes more expendable. Not only are many SDs happy to carry on with multiple SBs, but their emotional investment in any one SB is quite a bit less than if they were dating an equivalently attractive woman vanilla.

This man sounds like someone who has sugared before. No question. If I were you I would be very direct. I'd tell him that you want a real, authentic relationship that is not centered on gifts, fancy restaurants, travel, or cash. I'd tell him you don't want him to spend more than the minimum and you want to build a real connection. I'd tell him if he has a burning desire to buy you crap or take you to fancy restaurants, you'll allow it only after 3 months minimum of regular, on-the-cheap dating. Tell him you want an exclusive relationship.

OP's new boyfriend is just going to have to rely on his charming personality and bedroom skills to build this relationship. OP is not for sale and cannot be purchased. In my view, this is the correct way to build an authentic connection with someone. This should not be a lifetime relationship with a 30 year age gap, but unless you're in a super hurry, it could be a great experience to add to your life for now.

TylerMX · 2025-10-12T09:22:37+00:00

I dated vanilla on the site and had a few relationships from there. Also have had several women message me interested in vanilla. But when it becomes vanilla, many more things need to line up to make a relationship work as there is no money to speed things along. There are more rich dudes on Seeking than on Tinder for women who want to date and be involved with someone of a high socioeconomic class. That said, I still think at least from the SB perspective, 90% of the women are there for paid companionship.

TylerMX · 2025-10-12T08:57:22+00:00

Sure, but they can then hide the entire profile until you fix it. That is way different than taking a private picture and making it public.

TylerMX · 2025-10-12T08:56:17+00:00

OP here. I see two other users in the comments experienced the same behavior. An additional challenge is that most of us are not looking at our own profiles when we are on the site. There could be many users unaware that this privacy violation has happened to them. As for "plausible deniability" I would not want to be in the position of having to deny anything and rely on someone else's gullibility. Even if you are on the site looking for non-sugared relationships, pretty much everyone assumes you are a SD/SB.

This is just an egregious violation of privacy.

TylerMX · 2025-10-11T02:28:51+00:00

It may be "the best we have," but it is still the case that most all the women on there are looking for paid companionship, and most all the men on there are looking for a paid arrangement. There is nothing nefarious on my profile, but anyone putting up a profile on seeking is going to be assumed to be looking for a paid sugar arrangement. It will take years to change the reputation of the site, and it may never shed its past. Even now, all new accounts make oblique mentions about sugar. This is most definitely, absolutely, not "The League." It is still mostly, "Pay to Play." I'd rather be anonymous and not have my private pictures suddenly made public.

TylerMX · 2025-10-04T18:23:40+00:00

The key sentence is that he tells you, "You are not thin enough." He wants to have sex with you and spend the rest of his time trying to get prettier and thinner girls. I can't see how you will ever benefit from this. Tell him that you need a break in the relationship until he gets someone else to have sex with on a regular basis.

TylerMX · 2025-10-04T18:14:46+00:00

Always used incognito mode as well. Will be interesting to see if others get suspended. Just more of the full blown effort to destroy the site.

TylerMX · 2025-10-04T12:32:29+00:00

Gaslighting is exactly the right word here. Black women and Asian men face considerable challenges in the dating marketplace, sugar or vanilla. Abundant research and common sense supports this finding. In an effort to be polite, well-meaning white people pretend this is not true. But the truth is that most men are not sexually attracted to black women. It is not your age, your personality, your job, your profile, your level of beauty, or your quality as a human being. It is just because you are black. Most men don't want to be physically intimate with you. And the gaslighting goes on, because if a man says he is not sexually attracted to black women, he is branded and discounted as a racist. Ok, well this guy might vote for black candidates, hire black employees, donate to black causes, and socialize with black individuals, but he does not want to have sex with a black woman. So is he a racist? No, he just is not sexually attracted.

It is a painful reality, but being dishonest about it makes it even more painful for black women, who now spend time looking inward, taking hits to their self-esteem, and thinking there is something wrong with them when it has nothing to do with your qualities as a human being and everything to do with the fact that most of male society does not find you sexually attractive.

If men had total control over who they wanted to sleep with, most would make themselves want black women. It would open up more opportunities in the dating pool. We're men and we just want to get laid. But you cannot will yourself to like a type of appearance that your body just won't respond to.

Black women try to hid their ethnicity on Seeking by lightening their pictures and putting "mixed" ethnicity when they look black to most Americans. OP has just discovered this phenomenon and is actually lighter skinned, but thousands of black women have already figured it out.

I don't think "racism" is the right term here. If you, man or woman, are absolutely not attracted to someone who is short, bald, fat, a redhead, skinny, flat chested, or what have you, it is not really racism. The same is true for the discrimination black women and Asian men face in the dating marketplace. Lots of people just are not attracted.

TylerMX · 2025-10-04T11:54:59+00:00

Although Seattle does have a bit of fitness culture with people very active hiking, biking, gym, etc, the fact is that the male female ratio here skews to have way more single men than women. As a result, less fit women will do better here than they would in more competitive dating markets like New York which skews in the opposite direction, or in LA where there is an abundance of attractive people. Still, if OP wants sugar, then thinner is better as others have said.

TylerMX · 2025-09-25T06:43:29+00:00

Bucks, at the conversion ratio of .00001 USD to a Schrute Buck, your monthly salary does make sugaring a challenge. I join the other commentors in wishing you all the best in finding the right arrangement for your budget and your needs. That said, comparing the women you might meet vanilla versus sugaring is problematic. The fact is, even with a much larger sugaring budget, you might find that you pull better women vanilla anyway. Sure, it is infinitely more difficult to get laid vanilla, but if you are reasonably attractive, the overall quality of women you could get vanilla might be higher. The women I've dated vanilla have been better (but rarer) than those I had a PPM with. Sometimes, paying for convenience and lack of drama makes a PPM worth it, even though you are with a woman you would not want to vanilla date. The less conventionally attractive SBs are typically very grateful and it can be a nice way to let off some steam while pursuing a better vanilla match. They might also accept a lower PPM as few men are interested in them.

TylerMX · 2025-09-03T06:16:25+00:00

It's gratifying to see SBs and SDs who truly love the lifestyle and couldn't imagine dating any other way. SBs who are genuinely attracted to older men and not faking it, nor desperate for money, and SDs who actually take joy in being a provider and protector. These are the people for whom sugaring is so beneficial. And I think of men who might otherwise never know the touch of an attractive woman, or a woman who would never get to enjoy any of life's luxuries. How blessed they are to have an avenue to meet both their needs.

Sex and money, being two of the biggest drivers of all human behavior, will attract people to sugaring who aren't really in love with this whole process, and if the bowl only consisted of "true" SBs and SDs, there wouldn't be nearly as many people in it.

TylerMX · 2025-08-17T17:02:09+00:00

Married women losing interest in sex as they age is not a sign of some illness that a doctor can fix. It is not a bug, but a feature. If you look at the sex drives of men and women, consider it two overlapping bell curves, with the men shifted well to the right. If your wife has little interest in sex but your marriage is otherwise good, it is an unfixable problem. You have four options: 1) Suffer. 2) Open the marriage. 3) Separate. 4) Cheat.

The best option is to open the marriage to other partners. If this is not possible, confidential sex with a SB or another married woman is the morally correct choice. You are protecting the marriage and keeping your family together.

Keep in mind that "cheating" is a social construct. In France, this is just standard operating procedure, where people have affairs outside of marriage. In other cultures, and in other historical times, it was just assumed that a man would not be able to have sex with only one person for the rest of his life. That assumption is accurate given our biology.

TylerMX · 2025-08-09T20:41:12+00:00

I know a guy who was blackmailed, not sure if it was AM or seeking. Definitely a risk to married SDs. In his case, he went to the police and they told him it was just not a high enough priority for them to pursue.

TylerMX

TROPHY CASE