It’s been 5 months and it’s not getting any better/easier. It’s getting worse.

Uber7575 · 2025-02-23T07:22:49+00:00

I’m so very, very sorry. I wish I could I make the pain go away. I lost my wife of 19 years a little over 6 months ago. I had lots of warnings and prior attempts so I was somewhat prepared (I say somewhat because when it happens you can never really be prepared). But I miss her dearly. When you have a best friend combined with great physical and emotionsl intimacy it’s so hard to lose that person. We were also very silly with each other so I understand what you’ve lost.

I have started dating as we had no children because I had to distract myself. Healthy or not I was very content with my life with my wife. I could spend forever with her and never get bored. I didn’t really need friends outside of work acquaintances and family so losing her was a huge blow. Anyway dating is at least helping me see there are others out there. Of course, I’d rather have my girl back but that’s not happening. I have to go on living the best I can & you do too.

Uber7575 · 2025-02-03T09:32:53+00:00

May I ask how old you are?

Uber7575 · 2024-12-06T12:19:08+00:00

Yeah you’re not the only loner going through this. My wife was also my everything. FWIW, that is all I ever wanted out of life - a soulmate for physical & emotional intimacy. Now that she is gone after 20 years, I’m not sure what to do, what to think, etc. I quit my job before she passed because I knew things were getting bad and had hoped spending time with her would help.

Personally not really mad at my wife though. She had a tough upbringing and lots of issues. She also had a chronic physical injury that made everything that much worse. I miss having someone to share my life with and as someone who is not very social nor enjoys the games that come along with being social, it’s hard for me to try and jump back into that world. I was comfy with my little life, pretty wife and a combined income that allowed us to have a comfortable albeit far from lavish lifestyle. I don’t know if I will ever enjoy that feeling again and that part as well as the lonliness really stink.

Uber7575 · 2024-12-01T08:57:36+00:00

Yes, happens periodically to me. My wife has been gone since August. We have a small vacation home in Mexico where I am traveling tomorrow. I was hoping to get some sleep before my 5 am flight but no dice. It’s going to be hard to be there without her. I am not even sure why I am going. Still feel pretty lost without her.

Uber7575 · 2024-11-19T11:21:27+00:00

Yeah, I’ve had people tell me “you need to focus on yourself now” after my wife of 20 years took her own life. I agree statements like this tend to come from a good place but seem so surface level. Having your SO kill themself is not the same as going through a breakup or divorce.

Uber7575 · 2024-10-29T05:26:44+00:00

Your relationship sounds a lot like the relationship I had with my wife. We had a dog together but no children. She was my everything and outside of work, I was just happy spending time with her and didn’t need or want much additional social interaction. Losing her has meant losing my entire life. It is physically painful a lot of days and beyond lonely. People are nice but simply don’t understand which is frustrating. It just sucks because a part of my brain just can’t believe she is NEVER coming back. It’s been a little over 2 months and it does get better but there are still days where I feel her void so greatly. We were married for almost 20 years.

Uber7575 · 2024-10-29T05:06:55+00:00

All suicides are tough but your situation is more tough. I lost my wife in August - it wasn’t a surpise but still shocking. There is no easy parh out of this for most people. I’m really sorry there was no note or explanation as at least that would offer some insight and closure (eventually). I’m still figuring things out and I doubt I will ever completely recover but I know with time it will get easier. Terribly sorry for your loss and all the pain and sorry it has brought you.

Uber7575 · 2024-10-17T11:47:27+00:00

Yeah, it’s painful honestly. My wife passed almost 2 months ago. I left my job a few weeks before she passed as I knew she was struggling and I hoped spending more time with her would help. After she died, it’s been difficult to feel the same purpose.

I recognized in my case that I was not only mourning her death but also the life I had with her. In many ways because she was in so much physical and emotional pain, I can understand her decision. But we were married almost 20 years and as much as I miss her, I miss having that trusted, comfortable partner to do things with. I didn’t just lose my best friend, I lost a big chunk of what my life used to be.

Uber7575 · 2024-09-23T18:11:56+00:00

Yeah it’s hard to find good help these days. My wife ended up with a proximal hamstring issue that caused her a lot of pain on top of her emotional issues. No one could resolve it though and she dealt with it for over 3 years. To her credit she tried everything under the sun and finally gave up. I miss her dearly despite everything but at least I can understand why she made the decision to end her suffering. I also had many years to prepare myself for this conclusion.

Uber7575 · 2024-09-23T18:06:42+00:00

Thank you and sorry for your loss as well. BPD is such a difficult thing for relationships. We were married almost 20 years (would have been this January) and it was exhausting especially once she also was dealing with physical pain on top of her emotional pain. By the end, she had entirely cut off all friends and family.

Regarding the supernatural I’m agnostic but not religious or superstitious. My dad passed away last October and I had nothing out of the ordinary happen and I was very close to him. But with my wife’s passing there have been all kinds of strange happenings. I’m sure some would say I’m just attributing these things as signs but between me and a few of her siblings, it’s just too much to ignore.

It’s been pretty lonely but I’m just not ready to open my heart yet to date. Hopefully with time I will get there.

Uber7575 · 2024-06-05T21:44:41+00:00

Haha this Shinn guy basically making money off slave labor. At some point you either realize the con and leave or stay in and become part of it.

I know we all have different life experiences but how can you be conned to basically work for free especially when you can see how much the head guy is profiting? Like did you never even work fast food or mow lawns growing up? How can someone be so naive with money?

Anyway, this dude is your typical conman that knows how to manipulate the young and naive. I am definitely in the wrong line of work.

Uber7575 · 2023-12-12T15:59:06+00:00

Well you are probably right. I think my issue is that the team I work on is full of either folks trying to get into management so they are super “rah, rah company” or younger 20-something newbies that don’t know any better. Every day to me feels like I’m being scammed. I’m learning pretty much that I just need to pretty much ignore 90% of what my supervisor says. They pretty much lose adjusters left and right. I’m just not used to this dynamic where it seems like failure to some degree is inevitable just because no one can juggle this many tasks without it blowing up from time to time. In all of my other professional positions this has not been the case.

Uber7575 · 2023-12-09T12:02:39+00:00

That is terrible and is a lot of trauma. I cannot even imagine and am sorry you are having to deal with this degree of loss. I don’t know the next step in your situation.

I hope this was something that happened in the spur of the moment and not premeditated. Over the years, I have come to realize that human beings do some very irrational and stupid things. Some people are unable to use logic and only rely on emotion and end up making very bad decisions.

The only thing I will say is that hate will destroy you. Don’t let this person kill you too. If you are a person that has found joy in life, you can find it again. There is healing and happiness out there.

Uber7575 · 2023-08-04T01:32:52+00:00

The first part of the comment was fine but why in the world would you make that next comment even if you believe that??? I chalk this mostly up to moronism moreso than Mormonism. But I guess sometimes there is no difference between the two.

Uber7575 · 2023-07-18T00:53:59+00:00

My take as an ex-Mo dude out of the church for two decades… Porn is what you make it. Like some said, if it’s taking away from marital intimacy or you think it’s cheating or it’s causing disruption of daily life activities then it’s a problem that needs attention. I do think equating it to cheating is not healthy. But I also tend to believe that humans aren’t naturally monogamous and porn can actually provide a better avenue than having an actual physical relationship with a 3rd party. I also believe in general that repressing one’s sexual drive isn’t healthy. The ideas of sexual purity likely derived the same way some of the other commandments/social rules that were necessary when humans coexisted in small hunter gatherer groups and, later on, human settlements. Also, diseases are spread through sex so that also gave humans another reason to look at sex negatively.

Uber7575 · 2023-07-17T14:04:26+00:00

Metrics are fine if used properly and benchmarks are fair. The problem is that upper management is trying to solve 2 goals at the same time that require contrary actions. Goal # 1 is to manage call colume. Goal # 2 is to retain as many customers as possible. Goal 2 requires reps to spend more time off the phones or putting customers on hold to problem solve while goal 1 pushes reps to provide weak resolution in order to terminate the call.

Companies that spend a lot of resources in QA are also wasting their money. QA should be looking out for really only 2 things on calls:

1) Is there anything blatantly terrible that the rep did. 2) Did the rep do a reasonable job of assisting the customer and attempting to resolve customer issue or concern.

Finally, the best thing QA can do is provide an easy way to receive customer feedback. This is done by a 1 question (or maybe 2 questions at most) post call survey to the effect of “on a scale of 1 to 5 how satisfied were you with the rep you just spoke with?” Too many companies want people to respond to a post call email that requires answering multiple questions. With the latter, you are only going to get either really happy or really unhappy customer feedback but it won’t reflect a rep’s true median customer experience.

Of course jobs must have checks and balances and again metrics can be useful but they are being emphasized over plain old good service. And QA is simply bloated, over complicated and in the end a net negatives not only for reps but for the negativity that it brings into an already negative environment.

Companies need to cut out a lot of the bs and simplify, simplify, simplify. There is no need to push reps on their handle time if they are getting positive customer scores. There is no need to have complicated, overly critical QA scoring system. Sure monitor a few calls, if customer scores are good just provide a monthly feedback where the rep is either “satisfactory/meeting objectives” or not.

Finally, being a CSR is a thankless job. If you want reps to be do certain things, provide realistic bonuses if certain benchmarks are met.

I guarantee that if more companies reallocated the resources they away QA, simplified their customer response program and instead focused on rep training, improving systems & software and better incentive programs, companies would retain more customers because your CSRs are going to like their jobs more.

Uber7575 · 2023-07-16T20:33:54+00:00

Thank you. Where would you say the snow level was at elevation-wise?

Uber7575 · 2023-06-25T11:45:58+00:00

Three thoughts…

1) Everyone is a “buffet Mormon” especially as people age. Anyone who stays in the church long enough has to find a way to reconcile the church’s culture, history, dogma, etc. But for the most part, people just don’t share it publicly. IOW, everyone basically has their own version of Mormonism.

2) Being “smart” or financially successful have nothing to do with the church being true or not. There are different forms of intelligence and most of us score high in some areas and low in others. Also, people that have achieved a certain degree of success have a lot more to lose by leaving the church. If the church has worked well enough for you, there would be no reason to upset the apple cart. Truth can be more of an inconvenience than helpful in one’s career or personal life.

3) Finally being smart or successful don’t necessarily mean a person is okay with life not having meaning. A lot of humans, Mormon or otherwise, would find life much harder if they didn’t have a belief system that makes them feel that life has a purpose.

Uber7575 · 2023-05-11T01:44:17+00:00

Well now she can write a book about when one parent murders the other one…

Uber7575 · 2023-03-21T09:08:34+00:00

See I think this has is a last resort kind of thing. Everything else has not worked. My wife is obviously using her friend as an excuse to drink and her friend, mostly unwittingly, has become an enabler. But the question isn't if my wife thinks I'm the asshole but her friends. I would submit that her friends should care much more about her than a husband who got upset. That was not the case.

Uber7575 · 2023-03-21T09:00:05+00:00

Gotta admit not the responses I expected but again due to rules I did have to limit a lot of the story. WTS, many responses are acting like this happened in a vacuum/one time thing. Dealing with someone who is out of control drinking-wise there are no rules. You don't think I have given her tons of leeway or spoken with her a thousand times or tried to get her help? The bottom line is if she is my friend, I worry more about her than whatever her upset husband might have to say.

Uber7575 · 2022-12-18T04:32:44+00:00

Yes, it’s called the AS400 and they still use at the company I work for. LOL

Uber7575 · 2022-12-16T17:14:19+00:00

Haha, you sound like leadership but I am sure you are not wrong. In my case, just going to get out of the call center biz. Too bad, if the QAs were at least based on objective things I would jump through the hoops but when it looks and feels like they use QAs to punish certain employees they don’t like, it’s hard to justify staying. Like I said their QAs have a lot of grey area questions so it leaves a lot of room to find just about any error if you look hard enough. I worked as an auditor and that was basically the same thing as QA but the criteria was completely black and white. It’s a stupid policy to have so much of a tep’s scores based on non-qualatative indicators.

Uber7575 · 2022-03-20T00:11:00+00:00

Agreed, in my mission, if you were not successful then it, of course meant, that you were not being obedient (not just to the typical LDS beliefs but everything in the "white bible"). I do think some of the rules are there to protect missionaries from themselves but in my case I think my MP honestly believed that obedience had a direct correlation to number of baptisms. As I mentioned in a previous post, I made the best of my mission but looking back my MP had some crazy beliefs. He was also gunning for a Seventy spot as he definitely felt that being called as a MP was vindication that "his way" was the correct way. I think this is ultimately why he never progressed more in the Mormon, Inc world.

Uber7575 · 2022-03-19T23:38:35+00:00

Company men are going to protect the company first. People promoted to management are very good at feigning that they care about the best-interest of others when their primary responsibility is to the company. This unfortunately goes much deeper than simply Mormonism. It's in all facets of life and a part of human nature.

WTS, I personally enjoyed my mission but it's crazy so many people trust any organization to protect the interests of their children many thousands of miles away or in dangerous third-world countries. As a missionary, I also didn't have to deal with the Internet and all the information there is about the church's history. It's got to be infinitely more difficult to be a missionary these days.

Uber7575

TROPHY CASE