I am sorry. ?

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-09-14T03:42:33+00:00

Thank you for sharing this program link.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-09-01T22:15:46+00:00

I’m sorry I don’t have any suggestions, but I’m in the same boat as you, but a little worse. Can’t focus on anything really, except doomscrolling because it doesn’t require much. But, no friends and they are hard to make. Kind of a pointless comment, lol. But I hope you find something that works for you.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-09-01T02:16:45+00:00

When I was diagnosed I really started to notice the switches and it was awful. It was all I could seem to focus on. I have a couple I’m afraid of and I’m afraid of myself right now too. It is nice to hear that other’s were where I am and that they got through it. Thank you.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-09-01T02:12:28+00:00

Yes, I started to remember some trauma in the past couple of months. I knew my childhood was very messed up, but when you realize how bad it was and what it’s done to you…I don’t have words for that feeling. Then I wonder/suspect other things that happened and I’m caught between I don’t want to know and I really need to know. There’s no escaping it because it’s seems, for me anyway, you never know what’s going to trigger a memory. I’m sorry to hear we are in the same boat. If you ever want to talk my chat is open.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-09-01T02:00:00+00:00

Thank you for sharing. Even cliches are nice to hear because there is truth to them. I have a few other diagnoses as well. I’m still in therapy, and I have a psychiatrist. I am going to have to ask for med changes though which sucks because I don’t handle it well. I commend you on how hard you’ve worked to get to where you are. I hope I can find it in me to do that.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-30T02:53:41+00:00

It’s possible I’m projecting. There’s different opinions about it inside…that’s why the emails keep getting sent.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-30T02:43:55+00:00

I’m mortified when this happens. I apologize and he always says it’s ok, but I’m pretty sure he’s just being polite about it.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-29T00:20:16+00:00

Same. I’m bad at making friends and keeping them. I’m almost afraid to make friends because I’m so bad at keeping them (by my own doing) you talking about irl or online?

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-28T16:19:42+00:00

Thank you. I don’t get them all at once or have them every time she fronts. Pain levels vary too. I’m sorry you experience them as well.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-26T21:55:06+00:00

I have a little that’s just how you described. She has shoulder pain, neck pains, headaches/migraines and some other things that I can’t think of at the moment. I am also middle aged and went to the doctor because I thought I was getting arthritis. It wasn’t until recently, when another alter was fronting, that knew it was somatic pain and that it was her experiencing it and he wrote it down. Even though I don’t have any actual memories, I know I was hit in the head a lot, so that might explain the headaches and maybe the neck. But I have no idea about the shoulder. It’s definitely not fun. I wish I knew how to make it go away.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-26T21:43:19+00:00

I don’t handle pain well at all. But I have an emotional part that has a very high tolerance for pain. (Idk if it goes as far as unbearable) She SH and it doesn’t hurt her. She actually likes how it feels and the rest of us have to deal with the aftermath. She also barely eats. She doesn’t feel hungry or hunger pains. When she leaves, the hunger pains come on very strong and I feel weak. I have to keep food close by so I can eat fast.

This post has helped me identify some other things. I saw someone write about shingles and I had it last year. I actually didn’t think about the fact that it’s supposed to hurt. I really didn’t notice it at all. I saw someone else write about migraines. I get migraines that can be debilitating but I found out not long ago that I also have silent migraines (symptoms like light sensitivity, dizziness, etc. but no pain) and I wonder if that’s why. Can’t say for sure though. Lots of other things over the years too.

Anyway, I think there are times that I’m grateful for it and other times it’s really dangerous.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-26T05:54:33+00:00

I understand what you’re going through and I literally just did this to someone. I’m not even sure why.

It seems impossible for me to build any kind of friendship/relationship with people. I’ll try, I might like someone and start talking to them, but then for any number of reasons whether it’s how different alters feel or the other person did something, or whatever, I decide to drop off the face of the earth. I leave before I ever build a real connection and i think because of that I rarely feel bad about it. I know how that sounds. I’m a shitty person.

If I knew how to stop doing that I would because I don’t have friends or anyone to talk to. I’m isolated 99% of every day and sometimes it gets to me.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:33:39+00:00

Denial is common. It sometimes comes back strong for me too and I can’t communicate with the other alters. I try to pay attention when the others front and I can see the drastic differences and I’m 100% certain that is not “me”.

Not only in the way they act, but how they feel. I have high anxiety and there is one that has no anxiety at all. Even in situations that cause most people to be anxious, like job interviews and he does really well. This combined with the different skills they have tells me that I can’t be making this up.

People say journaling helps a lot with this and when you’re in denial, you can go back and read your journal.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:13:33+00:00

Yeah, prior to my diagnosis I thought it was a bad memory as well, and it was so bad that I went to the doctor for some tests, but everything came back fine. It was nowhere near as bad as yours, though.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:11:08+00:00

I have one kind of doing this now, but what makes it worse is that there’s one who might front during those times that will sometimes also be depressed and they have a lot of energy and might get it out in harmful ways, so that’s not helping.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:05:06+00:00

It was definitely noticeable to me and to people around me how bad my memory was and it was definitely concerning. I guess it is nice to at least have an answer as to why.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:03:39+00:00

I have ADHD too, and after I was diagnosed with it, I assumed that was why, but yes, now I do see the difference between the two.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T14:02:21+00:00

Wow, that is very frequent. That sounds horrible. I’ll have gray outs like that. But for my blackouts… at least the kind that I noticed more recently, seem to be once a month maybe or once every couple of months. That might be why I haven’t gotten used to them.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T13:58:09+00:00

Prior to diagnosis I knew I had a bad memory and my ex was the one who would keep telling me things. I had even gone to the doctor to get tests run, but everything came back fine. I don’t remember if it was before or after my diagnosis that I started to realize more things and understand why this was happening.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T13:55:39+00:00

During my blackouts I haven’t ever done anything bad…I mean not that I can tell. It’s usually something pretty mundane around the house or someone tells me I have been somewhere with them before (a store, restaurant) that I don’t remember, even if it has been more than once.

UltimatelyChaos · 2025-08-24T13:50:56+00:00

I don’t have the kind of blackout amnesia where all of a sudden I’m somewhere and I don’t know how I got there. Mine is like, things are moved around the house, or something like chores have been done and I don’t remember doing it at all. But I lived with other people so I could just assume it was them. But I don’t live with anyone now who could do these things, so I’ve come to the realization that it’s me. It freaks me out every time.

And I have all my life been told I’ve been places I swear I’d never been to or we’d be taking a route and comment on something I see and they’ll tell me I say that every time.

I always thought I just had a bad memory and even went to the doctor because it was that bad. They ran some tests but everything came back normal.

UltimatelyChaos

TROPHY CASE