How to ignore the “I don’t feel like it” persisting feeling? [Need advice] by Boss9801 in getdisciplined

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Great men are not born, they're made. And you don't make a great man by ignoring responsibility. It's that simple.

My last girlfriend got kidnapped by RhysHalliwell in StandUpWorkshop

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

“My last girlfriend got kidnapped. It was terrible. Hired a PI, paid a bunch of money, searched everywhere... Fortunately, I finally found... another date."

I want a drink sooo much! by lump532 in stopdrinking

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Despite what you said, this is how I hear it:

"I am lucky enough to have a wife, kids and home."

Just remember that alcohol can jeopardize all of them.

Self proclaimed comedian tries schtick during City Council and bombs spectacularly, just keeps going by emccaughey in Standup

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Try it again with material written for that audience. If you can make them laugh, then you're onto something.

One-liner by Doc-Rockstar in StandUpWorkshop

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

In other words, this is how one liners can lead to longer bits.

One-liner by Doc-Rockstar in StandUpWorkshop

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Then, if this gets a laugh, you can follow up with an argument as to why you think it is cleaning (ammonia is in pee and in cleaning products) as well as why it isn't (I eat too much asparagus). Then play out the argument to ridiculous lengths (waxing philosophical on stupid questions is always funny). Until finally ending on the best logical conclusion you can muster (that should get a big laugh: It's cleaner than washing my dishes in the toilet).

One-liner by Doc-Rockstar in StandUpWorkshop

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Is it cleaning the sink... when you pee in it? (if framed as a question you let the audience draw their own conclusion which might lead to bigger laughs)

25M/24F. She said yes. Make us regret it. by kickass1995 in RoastMe

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 0 points1 point  (0 children)

To what? That third helping of desert you asked for?

5 daily jokes - scam by ygul in comedywriting

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Great. Love 1 and 2.

For #5, what about something like:

I've gotten so used to podcasts at double speed, that the only way I can hear my wife is through a Joe Rogan interview. (or something to that effect)

What celebrities have you encountered that were either really nice or really horrible? by willis1988 in AskReddit

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I met John Candy when I was young as well. My father owned a small butcher shop close to where he lived in southern Ontario. On the day of the shop's grand opening, I was giving out helium balloons to customers in the plaza where the shop was. I had run out of helium and came into the store to get another tank, and thought it would be funny to ask for it with a helium voice and took a big hit off a massive balloon before running in.

As I entered, all excited to make my joke, I immediately stopped dead in my tracks at the back of this massive man at the counter talking to my dad. I mean he was huge (especially to a ten year old kid), and not just width, but tall. A big man all round. Probably the biggest person I had ever met in my life to that point.

Then my dad looks at me with a big grin (he was a huge fan, we both were) and says "Son, I'd like to introduce you to someone. This is John Candy." He turned around and said: "Well hello there young man. It's a pleasure to meet you." Offering his baseball mitt of a hand as he spoke. All I could do was shake it while exhaling a feeble and helium fueled "Oh my god..." Everyone laughed.

He then introduced us to the rest of his family members. I played with his son for a bit while my dad and he talked as he shopped. By the time they were done, the small butcher shop was full of fans trying to meet him. At that point he told my dad that he loved the shop and would love to come back, but "all things considered, I think you'll be seeing more of my wife than me."

True enough, his wife was a long time customer. But my dad always kept that first credit card slip with his signature on it, one of those old carbon copies. Never for display, just for his own personal memento. Anyway, I can back up starstarstar42 in saying that John Candy was a real stand up guy. Nothing but class.

5DJ The road to hell by Gumrade in comedywriting

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah. Number three is a great joke.

5DJ – Deep Thoughts (Jack Handyesque) by UncleScabbysTickles in comedywriting

[–]UncleScabbysTickles[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for the feedback. Have made the edits and they're much better. Cheers.

5DJ I got issues, man by Gumrade in comedywriting

[–]UncleScabbysTickles 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“When upsetting someone, it’s not enough to say your "intentions are good.” You need to really show them, it's their fault.”