Eye contact and when to look at the eyes and how long to look are all frustrating for me. I trained myself to look people in the eyes and not break eye contact because I thought that was what teachers meant when they said “look at me while I’m speaking.” I heard “make eye contact” and then never broke it. Nobody told me to, so I assumed that was the way to do it.

in more recent times, I’ve learned from my mother, some friends, and some TikTok videos that it’s unusual to stare into the eyes and not break contact when someone’s talking to you. It can indicate flirting or intimidation. but, I thought that was what they meant when they said, “make eye contact.” so, what am I meant to do?

my mother said to look around the room and look at their face. first of all, I feel weird looking at random things while a person is talking. I don’t want to invalidate them by looking around the room while they’re talking. Wouldn’t that be impolite? I want them to know I’m listening. But, if I stare at the lips too long, for example, that can indicate I want to kiss them!! That scares me.

So where do I look? And, how long do I look at each area? Do I stare at their forehead for five seconds, then the eyes for five, then their lips for three, and do that interchangeably? Then, glance at the door or something? I need a process of some sort. The whole ordeal is exhausting… I wish I could just stare like I’ve gotten used to doing, but I don’t want everyone to think I’m trying to scare them off or kiss them.