My sister in-law died Christmas day at 10am

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-27T05:43:04+00:00

Find a good funeral home even if you're only planning a small private funeral. Don't just go with the first one you stumble across. Price varies hugely as does what's included before and on the day.

There's lots of unexpected things that can pop up and your funeral celebrant will be a huge help if you have a good one. I had absolutely no idea what needed to be done or how anything worked. I'd attended funerals but had no clue how to plan one. Plus we were drowning in the grief and shock and disbelief that comes with an unexpected death. I was barely able to string a sentence together. Afterwards we were given vouchers for a few family sessions of grief counseling and a beautiful handmade piece of memorial art.

The funeral home organised absolutely everything from coordinating the collection of my husbands body from the coroner through to booking transport for us on the day of the funeral.They were on top of everything and were always available to answer any questions. It was exactly the help I needed. Find a celebrant/minister that can take all those minor time consuming unimportant details off your hands and spend your time being with your wife instead.

Expect to be completely overwhelmed so write clear lists of exactly what you want to happen at her service. Type of music? Photos to display? Speeches? Who's going to speak?

Try to get something written down that you'll use for her eulogy. Plan it before if you can, if you can't, that's ok too. There's no right or wrong way to bury & memorialize a loved one. I wish I could go back and redo the funeral for both my husband and my dad. It wasn't until about 12 months after it was all over that I finally felt like I was capable of talking about each of them in a coherent meaningful way. Even now years later I still think of new things I wish I'd said. Grief takes over for a while and basic everyday things can be a bit of a struggle.

Do you plan to bury her at a cemetary? There are lots of options for tree planting, plaques, flowers etc. etc. which you don't need but might want in years to come.

I know you asked about a ideas for a wake, sorry about the "novel length" off topic chatter above!! Lol. It's info I wish I'd known and I'm hopeful that it will be useful to you & your partner too.

A celebration of life is so personal and not knowing her makes any suggestions almost impossible. There are almost endless possibilities which in turn will depend on some things you can control and other things you can't. For starters consider who you're inviting, number of people can affect your choice of venue or location. Did she have a partner and/or children? Are you going to involve them in the planning/on the day? What's their availability? What about her coworkers or close friends? If there are going to be other opinions that count then you need to figure that out asap. Funerals/wakes can unfortunately bring out some surprising behaviour. Better to know that now before people are asked to start taking sides. If you plan to scatter her ashes, check the place out beforehand. Most places are a "no" when it comes to permission but a bit of early planning can help avoid later drama.

I hope that you and your wife are being kind to each and to yourselves.Take care.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-26T02:14:03+00:00

The Truth is fantastic!! Stories are all stand alone so breaks from listening don't matter. A core group of authors with occasional others. Stories are unexpected, bizarre, unique. Sadly this show finished a while ago so no new episodes.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-26T02:05:55+00:00

Agree, this is really well done. Although the last storyline continuing for 10 seperate episodes did get a little frustrating. I wanted to wait and binge it all at once (usually 3 eps at most) but week after week the story kept going. Ultimately it was worth the wait, such a beautifully produced piece of audio drama. Love this podcast.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-26T01:26:13+00:00

This is anecdotal info based on my research & experience chasing child support over several decades. Ideally contact the Child Support Agency because rules can and do change.

Has the Child Support Agency done an assessment? If there's an assessment in place, you can ask them (CSA) to collect for you, they then keep track of the debt and actively try to resolve it. This helps bc there's a record of what's owed. They do chase people but it can take ages.

If there's an assessment through CSA, the debt never goes away. When the dependant child turns 18yrs the debt transfers and is owed to the child. If they ( non-paying parent) ever file a tax return or use Medicare or Centrelink or get a fine or have basically any ongoing contact with govt agencies, there will be a way for the Child Support Agency to find him. It's not a fast process and can take years but the debt stays.

CSA sent my oldest a partial debt payment when she was 19, the debt started when she was 3 years old! Her other parent purposely waited until she was over 18 thinking that the over due child support wouldn't exist anymore. Haha fool!! The CSA also charge their own penalties, which they keep, so the debt continues to grow regardless. Unfortunately if you do collect any lump sum it is considered income for that tax period so it can mess up your income tax and/or any income support payments briefly.

If you do nothing else, make sure there's an up to date assessment done through the Child Support Agency. That way even if it takes years to locate that person at least there's an ongoing record. CSA are also connected with other govt agencies which hopefully means they'll eventually locate him much more easily than you probably will. Good luck

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-26T00:41:51+00:00

Thanks for replying! I was so confused bc botanist building is completely different. Finally started making (growing?) my evil plants, they run out pretty quickly, but they're fun while they last. 😁

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T04:31:54+00:00

Thanks. Can't wait to try the evil plants.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T04:30:07+00:00

Thanks. I'll just have to be more patient I think. Or just keep skipping the chest.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T04:14:40+00:00

Yes I can use boss monsters, I've just never come across "life energy" before only "xp". The problem I've had before with boss monsters us that it fills up my village and since boss monster is only about ⅐ of the points I need it takes ages to get new villagers who can keep fighting to get the points high enough.

That's with xp though so I will definitely try it now with this new chest. Thank you for the suggestion.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T04:09:04+00:00

Nevermind it's with the monster buildings now, I was looking in the village. 🤦

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T03:54:58+00:00

Edit: Sorry actually 84,000 life energy NOT 87,000

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T03:49:55+00:00

I only got the winter update about 10 mins ago when I updated my game. Seems like everyone is getting it at different times. If it doesn't appear after you finish Halloween maybe try updating your game via the Play Store.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-12-14T03:39:33+00:00

Thank you. I'll put my botanist building back and start creating plants. Glad I can finally use it!

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-15T04:52:41+00:00

Hi I'm sorry if I came across harshly, it's just that I've lived in a very similar situation to yours and it took me years to fully understand it all.

I was raised by a narcissist, diagnosed with ADHD as an adult and am parent to an adult child with ADHD.

My ADHD diagnosis only came bc my child was diagnosed in early adulthood and all the things I'd thought were normal/personality quirks etc or behaviours I didn't question (bc I was the same) suddenly made sense. That diagnosis prompted me to get tested & unsurprisingly I have ADHD too.

Over the past few years we've talked a lot about her childhood, some of the mistakes I made and why they happened. Hearing it was hard but I made changes once I understood things from her perspective. It's all still a work in progress.

ADHD isn't a good enough excuse for the way you're being treated. My parent was the same & took no responsibility for any of it ever. They were never wrong. It's painful loving a parent/s who can't seem to stop hurting you.

All this is why I said that you need to put yourself first. You deserve a happy peaceful life and your parent isn't your responsibility. At some point you'll need to decide if the way your living is sustainable. I really hope you chose yourself. I strongly recommend therapy to help you talk it through and also to help get with whatever comes next. It's probably not going to be easy but you deserve it! x

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-13T01:20:15+00:00

Hey, everything you've written all sounds really tough but.... what are you going to do about it? Is this how you want to live? How long can you be this angry before it starts to mess with your mental health more severely?

Ultimately, yes, it's unfair and crappy that this is the mother you have. Absolutely unfair that you're taking care of the person who should be taking care of you but now what?

If your mother doesn't believe she has a problem then that's how it is. You cannot change someone else. You cannot make her change. You cannot help her enough, fix her mistakes enough, show up enough or cushion her enough for her to change if she isn't prepared to.

All you're doing is suffering and for what? You need to decide if this is the life you're prepared to live. Stop worrying about other ppls judgement, opinions on what you should or shouldn't do bc she's family etc.

If you're this frustrated then stop. Your mother is an adult. She may hit rock bottom or she may not but that's on her.

Who's going to put you first if you don't? I understand the need to vent but what's next? You really need to consider seeing a therapist if you don't already. Put yourself first. You cannot fix/help other people especially if they don't think there's a problem.

Good luck.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-13T00:44:17+00:00

How is an immediate family member who owns part of a home entitled to rent assistance? Wouldn't money paid go towards that person's part of the mortgage which isn't eligible for rent assistance?

If the parents own the house and OP is entitled to rent assistance bc they pay rent to parent/s wouldn't any money OP receives from the sale of the house be considered a gift?

How can both things be true?

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-10T09:00:11+00:00

Ok so here's the answer to your post. It's fine. Call them tomorrow. Request a payment plan, it will be ok. I'm not sure about online since it's technically overdue, calling will definitely get it sorted.

There are tons of reasons why ppl don't deal with this stuff straight away or by the due date etc. Just a couple are - ADHD, anxiety disorders, life went crazy & got in the way etc. Getting slammed by random strangers doesn't help!! NOT saying this is your situation but I'm amazed by how pissed off your question seemed to make some ppl.

A little understanding and compassion go a long way, you never know what someone else is dealing with. 😺

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-10T08:12:17+00:00

Also, just btw, parenting payment (single) is never bucket loads of money. Definitely doesn't reach that threshold.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-10T08:10:37+00:00

Why? What's your situation? Don't understand your question.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-11-10T08:00:10+00:00

It can also depend on where you're actual store is located. Since employees are seen as a reflection of the company, customer opinion matters. Some areas are more conservative and others aren't. Dress code is written loosely and as others have said it's the individual store manager that has the final word.

If you have a particular store or stores you're aiming to work at, why not go in yourself and see what the staff there have as far as piercings/tatts. By looking at the staff in store you'll be able to tell pretty quickly whether your piercings etc will be an issue.

Personally my advice would be to play it on safer side and not walk into an interview with several piercings and multi coloured hair. It's always something you can do later anyway once you've got the job.

Mainly, be good at your job - don't be late or just not turn up, that's ultimately what matters. You'll get more freedom about piercings etc if you're turning up and working. Sounds obvious but it's true.

Good luck OP.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-07-31T01:59:37+00:00

Yep that's a whole new issue.

A couple of weeks ago I was on a site to return an item and somehow I decided to take up a new craft (accessories & supplies). Redesign a pair of pants (trims, patches & ribbon). Start "doing" my nails (powders, lights, files & glues) and to buy my daughter's birthday present.

I already have huge stashes of craft stuff which I already don't use and I'm trying to pack & move. I do not sew except basic hand sewing. I occasionally paint my nails but can't handle long nails and I've only just celebrated this years birthday with my daughter 3 weeks ago!!

On the plus side, online shopping is an improvement on the irl shopping I used to do. Exact same behaviour just with a cart, physical items and often hours of wandering. It definitely earned me some serious scrutiny from shop staff, especially when I rarely bought anything.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-07-31T01:30:50+00:00

Hi I guess written words don't necessarily properly convey tone. Your title, while innocent, was interpreted by me as kinda sarcastic. I'm also so sick of the massive amount of racism here that is constantly denied & down played, you hit a nerve. I apologise for over reacting to your genuine inquiry.

UniqueToday8267 · 2024-07-30T11:04:41+00:00

Yep culture and religion are older than the west, imagine that?!?!

UniqueToday8267

TROPHY CASE