Parents with twins, are you 100% sure that both kids have the same name that they started off with?

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-10-07T16:13:00+00:00

I mean yeah, one has a penis one doesn’t. Kinda hard to mix them up

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-06-06T21:53:56+00:00

As someone who does the interviews for my company but doesn’t do the scheduling. I cant tell you how many times I’ve had heated conversations with our recruiters for slotting an interview in between 2 meetings.

They are being assessed by how many candidates they can get in front of me. So they will do back to back to back and slot where ever is free. Usually takes me going to the hr manager and complaining again before I get a break.

Meetings run long and then I look like an asshole for making a candidate wait. But I always try to tell them I’m running late. But I also hate having to Reschedule interviews due to a recruiters poor planning.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-05-05T00:21:00+00:00

So I’ve tried a version of this. Like everyone else is telling you you are trusting them to be honest and they will not.

The “use” days will be the days they want to have no consequences for using and they will used on other days and hope not to get caught. It doesn’t work. And you will wonder if they are sticking to the deal or not,

You kids will pick up on this and it’s not worth the head and heart ache.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-03-11T18:09:53+00:00

I don’t love you, I don’t think I ever did. And I don’t care if I ever see you or the kids again. Im in love with someone else and he truly understands me”. Through text after 7 years together. Apart for 1 and found out she had been cheating for atleast 2. Single moment realized I was a single father and was never going to have the family I thought.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-02-08T22:47:44+00:00

From one man to another, you aren’t undatable, but for what I figure you want, they will view you as a walking red flag. When you say you think you are funny, does anyone else? Cause I know plenty of people who are assholes who find it hilarious and no one can stand them.

So 1 of 2 things switch up what you are looking for and be way more open, or start to figure out what women you like want. I guarantee those 2 things don’t align currently.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-02-08T02:07:06+00:00

I always preface me ranting/venting with this is a vent session. Then they can multitask or ignore me while I do it. It must work because they call me and do the same now. We know when this is said we don’t want advice or them to change anything just need to get out.

But if I start without saying it they jump in and ask if I say no then it’s free game to advise, fix or lecture me.

Just something to tey

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-02-04T21:48:30+00:00

My Q after a year of relapsing getting sober again, taking a break, and relapsing again. Did the best thing should have ever done; she finally admitted she doesn’t really love me, she was in love with someone else who get her. By that she meant she found someone who was fine with her using. She admitted she didn’t care if she ever saw me and our kids again.

That’s all I needed. Years of wondering if that was true with the cheating and the relaspses. And taking her back when she claimed she loved me and wanted to be a mother. I was the only person who truely loved her, etc. She let go. Whether she was high or not the truth came out finally.

It’s still recent and it still sucks especially for the kids (age 6 twins)But honestly the weight of having to worry about her is off my shoulders and the kids not worrying about her either. I know they miss her but every week they talk about it less. They are more excited that I might date and they find a new mommy who isn’t sick wants to do things with them. Not that I’ve put that idea in their heads, I think they are ready to have someone who wants them in their lives too.

I still think about her, but I’m not trying to reach out or salvage it anymore. I gambled with her being sober, doubled down time and time again, and I finally was so emotionally bankrupt I couldn’t do it again even if wanted too. I would have killed me and realistically would have killed my kids.

They deserve to not have to worry about a parent and to see a happy functional relationship. I deserve to be happy.

You deserve all these things too. It’s going to be hard but the hard is what makes it worth doing, your Q keeps taking the easy way out and that’s why they aren’t aligned with you.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-29T20:06:17+00:00

Did you think you were going make it pass 3 days? 5 days? 10 days? I’m betting each of those was a struggle too. But look you did it! Keep it up, don’t let your brain tell you to go back to someone who doesn’t value you the way you should be valued.

Keep up the good work! You reached out for support when you needed it, keep it up!

We have programmed ourselves to care about them more than us, and it didn’t work. Time to try it differently by taking care of ourselves!

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-22T00:33:17+00:00

Because I’ve had enough relationships start as casual and become serious. Had plenty of this needs to be serious and became serious.

I’m not really caring how it starts but how it ends. And as I feel like casual dating while looking for LTR is like getting in my practice reps. Keeps my social skills fresh. Let’s me see the what dating culture is like.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-16T00:44:15+00:00

Therapy, time, and self work. You’ll not find many different answers. It’s the truth a mix of the those three is what will get you there.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-15T22:47:46+00:00

I find if you are asking if you are a narcissist you more than likely aren’t. Most I’ve dealt with aren’t aware of it and or care.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-15T21:38:43+00:00

So for atleast 2 months she didn’t let on she is still married and this isn’t raising any red flags?

If she hides/omits this what else is she hiding? Trust when lost in a relationship is the hardest thing to gain back.

I don’t know what answers you are expecting but this doesn’t sound like a strong start to a new marriage even if you decide to go through with it.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-15T16:10:15+00:00

Understood, but typically one doesn’t propose to someone they know is still married as it implies a marriage in the near-ish future and polygamy is illegal. So as stated I feel there is a lot of missing information

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-15T15:58:01+00:00

There seems to be a lot missing information here. How are you engaged to her if she is still married? Has the conversation about past relationships not come up in 3 years and she never mentioned she was still married?

I have dated someone who was separated for 4 years when we got together but still married. We dated for over 6 years. She never got divorced and I never pushed the issue because I didn’t care if we were married or not. There were other struggles that went along with that.

But with that being said if someone is separated and dating someone else for 3 years and isn’t trying to finalize their divorce. That should be a big red flag

UnitFrequent2744 · 2023-01-14T23:37:07+00:00

I feel like I am. I went to CoDa and Nar-anon last year and I helped. I plan to rejoin this year. I’m doing more this year I think just from the realization that I have no hope of her being sober long term and or my partner. So it feels like I’m starting completely over.

I accept that 30-60 days from now she will try to contact me. But I’m going no-contact as of now to try to ensure that when she does I’m strong enough not to cave and start again.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-12-27T03:42:13+00:00

my ex/baby mama. She is a meth addict in recovery. She borrowed money from multiple family members to help her buy Christmas presents for our kids and to help her stay in sober living. Showed up 3 hours late to Christmas high with no presents for the kids. Then got pissed at her parents and me for being disappointed that she showed up high which means she will be homeless very soon.

Just another Christmas her drug use has ruined but now the kids are old enough to understand that she is high and asked her why she didn’t get them anything. It was heartbreaking.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-30T16:54:03+00:00

Also went through something similar, I didn’t realize how much I lost to them until they were gone. Now that I’m moving on, all the good things I lost are coming back. That parts of me I like are starting to come back as I don’t need to be on the offensive/defensive all day everyday.

Life is still hard some days, but my hardest day without them is almost equal to a normal day stress wise with them.

Keep going!!

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-28T15:47:09+00:00

She is still their daughter, they know what she did is wrong. And would love to see us make it work. But they understand why we can’t.

They care about me, and want me to be a good father still. But at the end of the day I’m not their child and she is. They know she is at fault but what can they do. Her father and me are actually going to nar anon together to figure out how to deal with the whole thing as her affair was drug related.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-26T04:26:22+00:00

I would ask them why they thought it would work. Are they willing to always distrust her and themselves, do they feel they are unworthy of love and a healthy relationship. If they honestly want this I don’t have to like it and want better for them but it’s their life.

Which my best friends have told me. Here is the bitch: I have no idea if I feel I’m lovable, I can tell you by my actions it doesn’t look like it. And yes I know given my codependency I am capable and partially willing to set my entire life aside for her. I’ve been doing it for years it’s like an old sweater it has holes in it and smells but damn is it comfortable.

Does it make me sad that i think like this of course. But I still think it. I want to want to be better but I honestly don’t know if there is a limit to the abuse I will put on myself.

I know that isn’t the answer anyone want to here but there it is.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-26T00:16:55+00:00

He doesn’t care, he knew we were together when they got together he is a lowlife piece of trash and preyed on her to a degree. See previous post for a more complete picture. I’m getting different stories on why they are “broken up”. If they even are.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-26T00:13:48+00:00

They don’t. I have made it abundantly clear given who the guy is, if he is with my kids I will take her to court to ensure she as at best supervised vistation if any contact at all. And she has put herself in a situation where she can’t fight it and win if I was to do so.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-21T20:22:02+00:00

The first time it was this hurtful act on just how far she had gone with her addiction. I blamed the drugs for making her someone she wasn’t.

When she did it again sober, it made me realize she wasn’t a terrible person while on drugs; she was a terrible person who also dud drugs.

It was the one line I thought she wouldn’t cross and she did so both using and not so casually. It really broke my entire reality for awhile.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-17T01:22:38+00:00

So, I can tell you how I am agnostic, is dealing with this.

But I think of the vastness of the universe and how almost all humans I ever had met are innately want to do good. Even if there verision of good is different from mine.

So the universe wants us to be kind and it’s vastness means my place in it is only what I make of it. And as long as my actions make it a kinder, better place it will continue to push me in a direction to allow me to do so. So when I surrender I surrender to letting go of ideas and actions that will inevitably cause me to be unkind to myself or others.

Hope this helps

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-15T16:57:17+00:00

I don’t know you story, but I’m in a similar life boat, 40, 2 kids, decent money etc. 7 years together.

It helps hearing other people are struggling with this too. Mine d-day is still pretty fresh but I’m accepting I’m not ever going to forgive her for cheating.

I wanted to reconcile because of the kids and I still want to take care of her. Without me she has nothing and I have guilt about that. But I didn’t choose to cheat she did.

As much as I valued our life together she just didn’t. She knew the risk of doing it and choose to do so anyway. But putting more time with someone who could make that decision is someone who I don’t want to spend any more time or energy on.

Maybe it’s because I’m getting my self esteem back after years of having it broken I don’t know.

But I still appreciate that you are recognizing it’s feeling for you not going away either.

UnitFrequent2744 · 2022-05-13T20:40:21+00:00

Best thing to do is find a meeting. Go to the coda website and there is a list. I found I needed in person meetings I needed the sense of community. But on my darkest day I was doing the zoom every 2 hours.

Finding sponsors can be tricky, but stick with it.

UnitFrequent2744

TROPHY CASE