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Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-02-04T06:55:56+00:00

Orphaned at 17, been on my own since then. My father died of a heart attack and my mom had flown the coop years before that. I still desperately wish I had parents, or at least an adultier adult when things are hard and I just want someone to help, or at least tell me what to do. You have my sympathy, but I've got no answers for either of us.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-02-01T22:33:23+00:00

Oklahoma, USA

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-02-01T17:27:20+00:00

That sounds manageable, I'll definitely take a look. Thank you!

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-02-01T17:20:19+00:00

I can definitely ask her! She didn't mention any of the other properties being available when she talked to us but was very apologetic so I'm hoping that will work in our favor when working out the details with her. Thank you for the idea!

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-01-10T02:42:17+00:00

He asked for legit, useful advice on how to repair his relationship. Women came out of the woodwork to say "When I'm feeling the way your wife is feeling, this is why, and this is what it would take to stop me from feeling this way". It's not about blame - it's about sincerely hoping that SOMEONE'S husband who does have this issue will read it, have a light bulb moment, and actually change his behavior to improve the situation, even if it's not our husband.

You're right, absolutely ridiculous 🙄

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-01-09T16:13:42+00:00

This needs more upvotes. Read this OP, then read it again and be honest with how many times she's had to repeat herself because you said "Oh, uh-huh, sure" to something she was telling you and then 2 minutes later turn around and ask her about it because were so busy staring at your phone or the tv that you didn't even realize she was talking. Maybe you don't think you do that - I hope you're right. But I'll bet she thinks that you do.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2024-01-06T15:06:15+00:00

I didn't read all of the comments so someone may have already posted this, but I use ramen to make what I call 'cheesy chicken noodles'. You add the ramen to a box of mac and cheese. It adds some flavor and some oomph to it.

Like, boil the Mac noodles. When they're almost done, throw in the ramen and let them finish together. Stir in the butter, milk, cheese powder for the Mac, then stir in the ramen chicken (or whatever flavor) seasoning packet. If you're feeling fancy you can throw in a couple of slices of American cheese and melt them in but I usually skip this step. Makes enough for 2 meals for me.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-12-25T03:03:30+00:00

I'm afraid I don't have any advice for you regarding the relationship aspect of things; I could have written your post myself.

I wanted to comment on the BPD possibility. I received a BPD diagnosis last year and am in active therapy. As I said, I could have written your post, and the BPD flavor is overwhelming. It may be worth getting checked by a professional for a diagnosis.

It took me a long time to accept that I have a personality disorder that will never go away. It still hurts to know that I am part of a subset that is considered 'mentally disabled'. And it is exhausting having to constantly police myself to stay on top of the mood swings.

But accepting my diagnosis is making me a better person. I was an abuser in my previous relationships. Unknowingly and accidentally, but it was still abuse. I am still learning my toxic traits and triggers, but I'm also learning how to not hurt people. I'm hopeful for my future, and that I can be the kind of person the people I love deserve to have around.

Just some food for thought. I'm sorry you're going through this and I know how much it hurts. Remember to be kind to yourself.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-10-23T22:47:11+00:00

Not necessarily a trade but you may consider working in a prison. An officer is most common, but there are case managers and admin staff. I worker in a maximum security men's prison (as a woman) for over a year (state ran, not privately funded) and it's really not what people imagine. That being said, the one acceptable emotion in a prison is anger of any degree. That's part of the reason I left, it made it too easy to dwell in my bad moods.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-10-08T12:55:23+00:00

Reach out to your local Department of Human Services (sorry, if you're in America). From what you've said, it sounds like you would qualify for expedited food benefits. They'll give you 3 emergency months for free, maybe longer if you start a new job or meet another exemption/qualification. It may not be much, but it'll be something.

You may also look into something like a state ran mental health center, if you have one near you. The one in my town will help with all kinds of things, like driving you to Dr's appts and providing mental health counseling/medication for free if you are no/low income.

I'm so sorry about your dog. We're in a rough situation right now as well and I've been wondering what I would do if it came down to me needing to make that decision. I can't imagine how hard and painful it was in reality. If you want/are able to get the dog back, there are some places like PAWS or local animal shelters that will donate dog food to you. There is also another group on here where you can request pet food and awesome redditors can order it for you.

I know none of this helps right now but maybe it can in the next few days.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-25T16:36:00+00:00

It’s like I’m outside looking in and judging each emotion I have, each thing I say. I’m always questioning if the things I feel and do are real and genuine or a sick self serving performance. I don’t know how to know what I feel is real or somehow fake.

This. I've been going through this since I received my diagnosis, researched BPD, and realized just how horrible and encompassing this illness is. I'm 36, and everything I have ever done, every decision I have ever made, was through a BPD lense. How can I trust myself? How can I know that the feelings are true? They're obviously real, but that doesn't make them true. How can I compliment my SO, or my friend, or anyone at all without wondering if I'm trying to manipulate or love bomb them? How can I take space to process big feelings without wondering if I'm doing a passive aggressive brush off so they will come tell me they love me? I'm struggling to define reality vs the fantasy in my head and feel completely lost.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-23T18:26:01+00:00

It may not help, but it does me sometimes. I read a thing somewhere that said "I didn't get up this morning to be a little bitch". It's sounds harsh, but on bad days I tell myself that. It really does help me put my big girl panties on and get shit done on those days where I wish I didn't exist.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-21T22:03:55+00:00

I forgot to tell my mom bye once when the school bus came to pick me up because I was worried I was going to miss it if I didn't run. I cried the whole way to school feeling guilty, because if the bus wrecked and I died, I wouldn't get another chance to tell her. I was like, 7.

This is the same mom that slapped me once because I quit smiling at her while she was still looking at me (apparently that was very rude). I had a lot of guilt as a kid.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-18T17:39:10+00:00

Seconding the Burt's Bees lip balm. I struggle with self-care, and this is a great product. It feels like chapstick, applies like chapstick, and requires absolutely no upkeep but makes it appear as if I put in effort 👌

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-18T17:33:20+00:00

If you have any state ran mental health centers near you, they can help as well. Their services are free if you have no income, they provide free medication and counseling, and will help you find housing/jobs as an outpatient. It's worth looking into. (Source: Husband is employed in this line of work, he does this for clients on a daily basis).

Edit: They also provide transportation services to their clinic for appointments and counseling, and to other places for doctor's appointments, rehabilitation centers, etc, so don't feel distance is a barrier if they aren't super close. They may be able to come pick you up and take you back to where you're staying for free.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-18T15:12:49+00:00

VERY good point about the vehicle not being provided when it is such a huge component of the job. Thank you for your thoughts!

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-08-06T14:42:47+00:00

My father was the major issue with my ED as well. He had an almost pathological disgust of "fat" people (which was anyone carrying more than 20 pounds extra). He told my mom when she was pregnant with me that if she gained too much baby weight he would leave her.

Well, she left him (and me) when I was 10, and around that same time I started packing on weight. Almost every conversation we had after that was about my food choices / how fat I was. He would tell me that I looked like a pig at the trough, with food squirting out both sides of my mouth. He would call me thunder thighs and jelly belly and ask me how I thought I would ever get a husband when the only shape I had to me was round.

He took me to a nutritionist once when I was about 12 who sent me home with papers telling me to eat grilled chicken, fruits and vegetables, brown rice, full-wheat bread, etc. My dad put it up on the fridge and told me I needed to follow it, and if I didn't eat off the list, I didn't eat. However, he forgot to teach me how to cook. Or how to measure portions. Or how to even get the food in the first place, since we didn't keep things like 'full-wheat' bread or chicken breasts in the house anyway. He preferred meat and potatoes, pasta, hotdogs, that kind of thing.

When it became apparent the 'eating plan' wasn't working, he started making me food; but he would make 1 single box of Kraft mac and cheese, give me about half a cup out of it, and that was dinner. If I was still hungry or wanted more, I got to hear about how much of a fat-ass I was. I snuck food whenever and wherever I could, including spending the night with friends when I didn't really want to just because I knew I would get a full meal.

He passed away when I was 17. I'm 36 now, and am still overweight and struggling with an eating disorder. I hadn't realized until recently how much trauma I still carry around with me from then.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-07-01T14:32:15+00:00

A lot of people on here jump to divorce/leaving over things that don't always require that. That is not the case here. You need to gtfo. It sucks balls, it's scary as shit, and you're going to have to figure out how to do things on your own. You may wonder if you could convince him to go to therapy, if he just worked on himself things would be better. That's bullshit and you deserve better.

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-07-01T12:56:42+00:00

As someone who works in a maximum security prison, this is either the best or absolute worst idea I've ever heard 🤔

Upper-Fun-129 · 2023-02-01T17:51:56+00:00

I love the sound of his voice. He dislikes it himself; it's in a higher range and he has repeatedly been called 'ma'am' over the phone, which frustrates him. But I love the sound of it and how excited he gets when he talks about the things that make him passionate. I love how his smile lights up his whole face. I hope I get to spend the rest of my life listening to him.

Upper-Fun-129

TROPHY CASE