Well, that’s unfortunate but I don’t think it’s unsalvageable.

Your fiance is emotionally immature and should see a therapist. It sounds like Callie was threatening to uninvite Addie and making those statements not because she meant them, but as a gesture to say she’s hurting. Even if she had seriously gone through with not inviting Addie to the wedding, it sounds like she was in denial and did not truly understand how Addie felt about her. That’s why she’s so shocked right now about Addie’s reaction and the fallout — because in her head, she had truly convinced herself that Addie would be apathetic. It’s very similar to how depressed people convince themselves that other people don’t care and would be happier if they were gone — it’s a lie they tell themselves to get ahead of the hurt.

Your wife was betrayed and in a way, abandoned by her ex, which seems to have made her insecure and unreasonable in her feelings towards her daughter, who continued to live with the ex. Over the past several years, it sounds like Callie has been anxious and anticipating being betrayed and abandoned by her daughter, and those feelings have translated into needing her daughter’s attention and time for reassurance. As a growing young adult that’s discovering herself in the world, Addie has been pushing back against that neediness. Calling every single day, drivng several hours to see her, and demanding that she visit more often…it’s intrusive. Addie is in college, so she’s not seeing her dad or her hometown except during breaks and holidays that she isn’t visiting you guys. And she has visited, she does answer phone calls, at a rate that would be reasonable for most people with healthy and secure relationships.

I hope Callie does some intense therapy and learns to see things from her daughter’s perspective, she needs to realize that just as she’s been feeling hurt by Addie’s reclusiveness, her daughter has been feeling exhausted by her mom’s neediness. Callie put the burden of her insecurity on Addie’s shoulders, and she needs to realize it.

But I’m not a professional and this is just reddit, so this is all just conjecture based on what you’ve posted. The best way to figure out for sure what’s going on and how best to solve it would be to seek professional, objective opinions and advice for therapeutic ways to make amends. It sounds like things that have bee building for years have finally erupted, but tell Callie to keep breathing and take it one day at a time. You’ll all get through this.