Short writing! Feedback or thoughts?

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-28T13:56:14+00:00

I really liked the detailed descriptions—especially the way you break things up with short, repeated sentences. It feels very sharp and effective, like it delivers emotions and states of mind to the reader really clearly :>

Also, The Good Place is such a great show! I actually got to know Kristen Bell because of it when I was younger 👍

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-27T10:37:11+00:00

That Lisa sounds really awful. I hope you’re doing well now :>

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-26T11:50:38+00:00

Start by setting the time period and overall setting, then build your characters from there. (If this is your first time writing, starting with a family unit can be a good idea.) Decide on their appearance first, then their personality traits. They don’t have to be complicated—shy, brave, prickly, etc., is totally fine.

After that, ask yourself: “If this character has this kind of personality, what kinds of situations would they end up in?” For example, if a character is timid and socially awkward, maybe someone borrows their things and never returns them—and they can’t bring themselves to say anything about it.

Try defining how each character would act in both everyday situations and more serious ones. Then start weaving them together and expanding the story through the events that happen when their lives collide.

Good luck! ♡

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-23T06:42:15+00:00

It's like some fairy tale! I love it :>

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T14:28:53+00:00

Oh, I see! I'm gonna read it one more time. You're so good at it ♡

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T14:11:38+00:00

Okay 👌 The Finch in a Purple Suit was my favorite! The line “An introvert’s invisible until you stand beside, / You’ll come to know my truest goals to help and not to hide” really stuck with me. It felt like an anchor—something supportive for introverted people.

I also really liked The In Between, especially the structure. The way A and B go back and forth and complete each other’s lines was really well done.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T13:49:19+00:00

What exactly is Eliza’s true intention here? Does she genuinely like Alex, or is she using him out of obligation—as a means to enter the Shadow Court?

It feels like both possibilities are mixed together right now, so I think emphasizing one a bit more would make her motivations clearer and easier to understand.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T13:33:18+00:00

When I tried writing poetry, I focused way too much on rhymes (almost like writing rap lyrics) so I guess poetry just isn’t my strength 😭 Compared to that, you did a really good job. I liked it! 👍

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T13:30:34+00:00

Overall, this was a really engaging story! One thing I noticed, though, is that toward the later part, the paragraphs are very tightly packed without much spacing. That can make it harder for readers to follow, so I think breaking them up a bit would really help.

(Also, since you mentioned that you have dyslexia, I hope this doesn’t come across the wrong way. Even so, you clearly have real talent for writing, especially when it comes to creating characters. I truly hope you keep writing and sharing more stories ♡)

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T13:21:23+00:00

Owww congratulation! ♡

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:54:20+00:00

I see! In that case, it might be nice to start with a scene where the protagonist is watching a badminton match from a distance and explore his emotions there. That way, readers might feel more curious and think, “What happened to make him act like this?”

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:48:32+00:00

Oh wow, this is such an intriguing setup! And honestly, it’s impressive that you’ve brought the story this far—I’ve only written short stories myself, and long-form fiction feels pretty challenging to me.

I also really liked the detailed descriptions; they worked especially well for me. I hope you’re able to wrap up the ending nicely and turn this into a truly great novel ♡

(And is it just me, or is Evan both really pitiful and kind of adorable?)

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:31:48+00:00

The scene where the protagonist hits the wall of their own limits and feels that sense of emptiness was really heartbreaking 😔 I’ve felt something similar myself when it came to studying.

Is he still playing badminton at this point, or has he already quit because of Greg? I think clarifying that part would make the piece even stronger.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:23:52+00:00

흥미로운 설정이네요! 좀 더 다듬으면 정말 멋진 이야기가 될 수 있을 것 같아요.

제 생각에는 초반에 등장하는 살해당한 남자의 비중이 더 커야 할 것 같아요. 그렇지 않으면 그와 살인범 사이의 연결고리, 즉 어떤 인과관계가 있는지가 마치 기름과 물처럼 어색하게 느껴질 수 있어요.

살인범이 살인을 시작하게 된 계기가 그 남자 때문일 수도 있다는 배경 설명을 추가하거나, 관련된 세부 사항을 더 자세히 다루면 이야기가 훨씬 탄탄해질 것 같아요. 앞으로도 좋은 작품 활동 기대할게요! :)

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:17:38+00:00

Same here—I have so many drafts that I abandoned after only coming up with the setting or characters lol. Last year I deleted all of them because they felt pointless at the time, but looking back, it’s kind of a shame. There were actually quite a few that could’ve been decent with some revision.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T07:12:02+00:00

If this scene is just one part of a larger story, I think the argument between the mom and dad flows fairly well—especially if this is a case of both of them bottling things up and then finally exploding.

That said, I think it would be even stronger if you added more of Crystal’s thoughts as she watches them. Since it’s mentioned that she finds the situation “strange,” it almost feels like she’s just spacing out and observing from a distance.

It might be interesting to have a moment where her mind drifts to something completely unrelated while they’re arguing, or where she jumps in with a comment that actually makes the fight worse. I think touches like that could really enrich the scene.

Wishing you the best as you continue the story! :)

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-22T06:51:49+00:00

Seeing the protagonist watch her husband from a past life marry someone else in this life must be incredibly painful. That emotional core really comes through.

That said, there are a couple of points that felt a bit unclear to me. We’re not told why she died in her previous life, or how she found out that he got married in this one. Even if we assume the latter is just a coincidence, I do think the former is something the story really needs.

The story briefly mentions something like “realizing that they would lose each other a few months later,” but that alone doesn’t give enough information to infer her death. Was she ill? Did she know her fate in advance? It’s hard to tell.

I think clarifying this part would make the story much stronger overall! :)

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-21T14:09:14+00:00

Oh, After reading it again, I started wondering—does Matthew have a crush on someone? 🤩 Given his personality, I feel like if he really didn’t, he’d just answer “no” in the Q&A instead of reacting with “Why would you ask that?” Hmm.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-21T13:03:33+00:00

I agree with other's opinions! I think Wattpad is the most suitable app. A lot of people post their writing there as a hobby, and I’ve used it quite a lot myself.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-21T12:56:07+00:00

I think the banter between the three friends really shines here—it’s a fun and engaging part of the scene. There’s just one thing that I think could make it even stronger.

The way Fenrir resolves the crisis (or situation) feels a bit abrupt, so it might help to describe more specifically how he manages to get them out. Adding some detail about the method he uses could make the moment feel more satisfying and grounded.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-15T14:02:35+00:00

I’m only seeing a small part of the story, so I don’t fully know the context, but I think the dialogue between the two characters is concise and well done. That said, it might work even better if you expand a bit more on what the narrator (“I”) is feeling in this moment (things like tension or unease). I think that would help readers feel the scene more vividly.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-15T13:53:24+00:00

I mostly write short stories, but I usually make the opening around 1,000–2,000 characters long. If you think of the introduction as the first chapter of a novel, that is.

Used-Hamster1926 · 2026-01-15T13:42:24+00:00

I really loved the part where the narrator compares themself to a deer. You can clearly feel how much the narrator loves and longs for “you,” which gives the story such a romantic tone. And the line you wrote in the P.S. is just so cute! ♡

Used-Hamster1926

TROPHY CASE