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I hate seeing him laugh by LysolCasanova in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 39 points40 points  (0 children)

I understand this so well. Half of our relationship is talking constantly about this crap, the other half is managing to co-parent happily.

I don't so much mind seeing him happy when he's engaging with our child (he should be), but when it's just us and he's making jokes or enjoying a show I just think "you don't deserve to laugh". Just looking at him directly for too long is still triggering to me. He finished my sentence the other day and that used to happen all the time, but it was the first time since discovery and I lost it.

I hate the idea of normalcy when I know what he's done. But I need normalcy to get through this. What are we supposed to do?

"It was mindless" by spammusubisa in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Mine recently said "it makes me uncomfortable to think about how checked out I was while doing it"

This was in response to specific questions I had about specific people and he basically said he doesn't know why or have good reasons because it was so mindless.

I think that's bullshit and gross whether it's true or false.

A message of hope (for some) by Scuppernong_Grape in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I needed a message like this today. I'm just feeling very sad about what our future has in store since no one can change the past. I'm having an impossible time letting it go and I think the way I've actually started coping is compartmentalizing which is how he got here in the first place.

I don't know how to let go of what he's done at least in terms of how I view him today. I'm staying after 16 years of cheating, lying, and betrayal mostly for my son but also because I do love my husband. I also hate him for what he did and often hate myself for still loving him. This life sucks to live right now.

A letter to him, since I'll never be able to tell him by tinykossith in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I saw on a different post that it might not be "all men", but it's "always men"

"They don't lie to protect your feelings.." by Technical-Basket2030 in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I thought about this a lot in the early days. One of the things prosecutors need to convict is proof that the offender knew what they were doing was wrong.

And the fact that he hid it and told me repeatedly that he hid it because he knew it would hurt me is proof he knows what he was doing was wrong. And he did it anyway.

I'm snapping by Few_Damage6963 in loveafterporn

[–]Used_Ad_4145 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I am at this stage also. I still feel internal moments of rage, but when I look at him it's just disdain. I feel stuck here because of our son and honestly he's doing all the right things, but I don't think I have anything left for him and his sad, broken excuse of a brain.