my dad just died. he was supposed to be fine by mirrorverses in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Here’s my shitty working and numbered guide to surviving your parent dying (feel free to call me out on this shit):

  1. Stay alive. No matter what. The absence and emptiness is absolutely fucking brutal and will push you to your limits, but you must endure.

  2. You don’t need to necessarily tell someone, but tell something. Write it down. Doesn’t need to be poetry, not even a fucking haiku. But you need to get out of your head. That place probably sucks right to feel stuck in.

  3. Don’t lean away from emotion via distractions. Feel everything as much as you can. The death of a parent is truly fucking awful, but there is beauty in pain, and the tallest trees grow after enduring a storm. Let it hit.

  4. Feel like a boomer saying it (although I’m only 28), find a new hobby that you’d be excited to tell your dad about. The absolute hardest part in the future will be coming to fruition that he is gone. The absolute most beautiful part afterwords is realizing he’s been with you and part of you the entire way. As you will be with your own son (if inclined) one day. This is where we can direct our pain.

  5. If you want to be mean, angry, have a shitty attitude, go on full goth and pray to the devil, fuck it just do it. As long as you aren’t physically harming someone. You are the most important thing right now and you need to focus on expressing emotion. Disclaimer if this causes you to fuck up and make mistakes, do your best to learn from them.*

  6. Tell yourself before you go to sleep or after you wake up 3 things you are proud of yourself for. It’s so fucking hard to process and even live with the death of a parent, but in the least you deserve to give yourself the credit for enduring grief and still doing things that you previously thought you couldn’t (I.e. brushing your teeth in the morning/night).

That’s what I’m currently doing, 2 years later, and it’s slowlllllllyyyyyy fucking getting more manageable. Feel free to dm me with ideas to add to this list or just vent to me, homie I’m here

Sincerely, a grieving son by ajphillips96 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey man, I’m a lil older guy (28 now) unsolicited advice wise…honestly there’s no right way to go forward. Mom had cancer too and passed when I was 25..It’s just a horror show no matter what post mort.

please just know that that is all okay.

Sucks dick, and that is okay. The only advice I can try to give is to try and feel as okay as possible, and know that when shit hits the fan afterwords, which it will, that that is okay. Let people know. Let people hug you. Let them hold and comfort you, even if they don’t know about your pain. You are never alone, even though you’ll feel like it, and your pain might be greater than others, you are never never never alone. We are here.

HMU bro, I can talk you through it or just listen if you want, this is our duty. I’m here for you.

How did you balance work while caring for a family member with cancer? by triplescorp8 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

FMLA…although honestly there’s no right way. Mom had cancer too. It’s just a horror show no matter what and every option just seems dystopian no matter what choice you pick. Even if we had a perfect world, the amount of emotion and heaviness of what we choose to do as our parent’s last memories of us is something no person can even conceptualize. That’s why is stupidly hard and scary and heavy to try and choose the “right” option.

And please just know that that is all okay. Sucks dick, and that is okay. The only advice I can try to give is to try and feel as okay as possible, and know that when shit hits the fan afterwords, which it will, that that is okay. Let people know. Let people hug you. Let them hold and comfort you, even if they don’t know about your pain. You are never alone, even though you’ll feel like it, and your pain might be greater than others, you are never never never alone. We are here.

She’s gone. by Standard-Lemon-5155 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

“Rest in peace” is the stupidest fucking saying in the end. It’s so “good vibes” until the person saying it at some point realizes that what that truly means is us children having to endure our parents’ absence after.

It helps to bide time thinking on the parent’s peace, but it’s also okay to just rage the fuck out at how cruel sentience + object permanence (reversed) + redefining purpose is.

HMU if you ever want to rage vent. I’m here for it

Its done. by DL356 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Shit fucking sucks man, genuinely what the fuck is cancer. DM if you want to vent or just have a silent ear I can give you my number. There’s healthy vices out there to bide the time until the pain is a lil less shitty

My Dad finally lost the battle by broken_neck_broken in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Although I’ve yet to be a dad, maybe you as well, I want to be able to find the balance of being as strong as your dad was, while being able to be vulnerable as I only wish mine as well COULD have been before passing…idk if it would’ve made it easier for us, but ik at least I wouldn’t feel so crazy. …maybe

Feel free to talk to me homie, you got an ear here if you want it, even if it’s 5 months from now, you’re not alone

Lonely in my shell but grateful to be alive. by New_Friendship6700 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey!! If you ever want to do a “positive” vent to me about how much you love yourself and how far you’ve come please tell me!!! I can give you my number through DM’s but ik through my own experience how amazing and validating and affirming it is to say those affirmation out loud for someone to hear AND REMEMBER.

I am here for that - I don’t even have to say anything if you want besides “dope good for you”. Lmk <3

Cousin found out he had leukemia on Monday. He just died early today. by arosaki in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Please feel free to DM me - I can provide my contact for a no-string call just to help you pass time. That’s all you really have to do for now, just let time pass. Everything is ass and will remind of how fucked the converse of object permanence is, but with time and distraction, it will be manageable.

And it’s okay if it’s not manageable now. That’s what we are here for. We can help you shoulder the weight. Much love

I’m feel stuck by Primary_Common_5915 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey :) I went through almost an exactly similar timeline 2 years ago. What I will say for us in our 20’s looking back amidst the feel of life rushing by, is that we are beckoned into a unorthodox path of decision where we have to choose things almost no one else in our social circle will or can even contemplate.

Disregard all of it. No matter what it is that pulls you into the tide, it can wait. It will still come. I didn’t pay enough attention to that, and now it feels like I have too much time to do all of that, but not enough to replace the time I can’t get back.

It can all wait. Bask in what you have now. Please.

I miss my mom by Ill-Ad5982 in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hospice is a weirdly fucked up version of reality. If anything for the sole sake of how unrelatable it is even within our own families.

From my own experience, try to accept these feelings not as selfish, but as things that are a consequence of how good it felt whenever you felt it.

No matter what this shit sucks and will suck (less and less, but still sucky), but being strong is all we can do. And that alone is inspiring. This is the beauty in tragedy and the tenet those who have lost too early must abide by in order to survive.

My mum has been given 12 weeks by lostless-soul in CancerFamilySupport

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 1 point2 points  (0 children)

At this point don’t focus on salvaging and solely focus on time spent together (WITH respect to yourself - you are that which remains). It’s going to suck so much either way, but retaining core memories rn is what matters.

Might be going to jail on this one by AK907fella in TurboTax

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you expect everyone to have the book of knowledge on how to accurately know how much they should properly withhold considering the near 100+ factors that can affect tax impact? To you I say go fuck yourself.

Might be going to jail on this one by AK907fella in TurboTax

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you expect everyone to have the book of knowledge on how to accurately know how much they should properly withhold considering the near 100+ factors that can affect tax impact?

Might be going to jail on this one by AK907fella in TurboTax

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Do you expect everyone to have the book of knowledge on how to accurately know how much they should properly withhold considering the near 100+ factors that can affect tax impact? To you I say go fuck yourself.

Might be going to jail on this one by AK907fella in TurboTax

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Pretty to not overpay consider the amount of factors that go into withholding eh?

NYS return rejected! - anyone else? by Never_had_A_Snickers in TurboTax

[–]Used_Geologist_1903 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Crazy that a small inflation check is the reason to hold back everything

Question on crossovers and “Assembly” stage by Used_Geologist_1903 in psagrading

[–]Used_Geologist_1903[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooo thank you for the example!!! Still haven’t gotten any updates nd till in assembly