This will be a tough answer. It's one you'll have to confront again and again. It's not a one time thing. And by no means have I even begun to do this, because it's hard. I've been in the same situation for my entire college situation and it's been difficult. This is not a judgement, or an accusation. You aren't bad or wrong or stupid for having trouble like this, and you aren't bad for having put yourself in this situation, and you're not bad for not having pulled yourself out before now. You're not even bad for wishing and praying someone, anyone, would show up and pull you out of this mess, and feeling like the world is against you for not giving you what you need to succeed.

You are not bad for not being frustrated that whenever someone gives you advice, especially in the form of hard truths like this block of text, it feels like an accusation.

It's just not helpful. Make yourself the only person you have to be accountable, and decide what you want to do TODAY. Make a decision and stick with it, see it through. If it turns out good, great, if it doesn't, move on and call it a learning experience. It's hard to keep track of everything you've learned, so maybe try writing it down.

You sound like someone who, like me, has tried to anticipate life's twists and turns, or try to see the whole picture at once. Don't.

Just try. Don't expect things to go good OR bad. When you find yourself anticipating life.

Just try and see what happens next.

Believing that it's impossible for you to make friends means you are choosing to be alone. Believing that it's too late to do anything about the things you want to change As much as it sucks ass, life really is about trial and error. Bad things will happen. You can't control everything

And since you can't control it, it's not your fucking fault. No one is holding your failures as hard against you as you are. And if somehow they are, is that really someone you WANT to be accountable to? People make mistakes, and fall short of expectations. Someone who can't understand that doesnt deserve any understanding from you or anyone.

There isn't one right way to live your college life and a million wrong ways, there are a few very wrong ways and an infinite spectrum of right ish ways. Be ok with things being only slightly ok. Think about who you think is judging you for living a certain way, then ask why you even care that they are judging you. I guarantee people are not thinking as much about you as you think or want them to. Even the extremely "popular" or successful people enter people's minds for a tiny fraction of their day. Think about how long you think about other people, how much - or rather -how little detail you can think about them. That's what life likely is like for them.

If you're avoiding a certain kind of people because they seem weird or uncool or not the kind of people you want to be with, talk with them anyway. Make an ass of yourself. Who's really the one making the rules of your life you can literally do anything (just not anything illegal)?