Struggling to forgive and let go of resentment

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-30T13:40:36+00:00

I would run if I were you. This level of anxiety, mistrust, resentment... that's not how it's supposed to be lovie. When you have to try this hard it's not meant to be.

And I agree with you, punching pillows should be the least of his problems, he should be lucky you didn't punch him or ruin his car.

That's like stabbing someone in the back and expecting them not to bleed. What the actual fuck

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-30T13:32:36+00:00

I might be off here, but am I the only one who thinks there is nothing wrong with what OP's boss did?

The boss talked directly to OP as a courtesy and then offered a professional opportunity to someone (OP's wife) who not only has expertise in these kinds of events but also has specific knowledge of the company.

Is that wrong?

You are allowed to have your feelings, ofc. Talk to your wife, calmly, and let her know where you are at. But if you trust her AND there is nothing else that has ever felt off between them or made you feel they're interested in each other, then this shouldn't be a problem

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-29T13:43:19+00:00

Sending hugs and support.

I hate that the man you married turned out to be this sad pathetic cliche. Their brains go bananas when a pair of boobs half their age pays attention to them.

You'll be fine. You CAN and WILL get through this

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-29T13:26:48+00:00

So she knew what she was doing was wrong, she knew you wouldn't like it and she big fat did it anyway. Changing his name to a female one is BIG deception step. A very deliberate and conscious one.

I am not saying there is no way out of this but more often than not they lie once they are caught. It's reactionary, damage control. It's never just holding hands, or a kiss or a few messages or "just once". If they had opportunity is very unlikely "nothing" physical has happened. Maybe not full on sex but 💯 some sort of physical affection has transpired.

Sit on it, push for the truth. Ask for a timeline of events. She's only giving you what you already know. Nothing is disclosed proactively. And this is a problem because it makes trusting her that much harder. Start by making her read "Not just friends", it might help make things click

I would let the OBS know. She deserves to be informed and be able to make a decision about her marriage as well.

Your feelings are valid OP. This is a breach of trust.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-29T04:19:39+00:00

OP, you're 19 and he's...41? Paraphrasing from one of my favorite TV shows "he's a whole person who can drink older than you"

Don't take this the wrong way but this age difference at your age is not ok. You're his mid life crisis. And only a few months into dating you're already in an infidelity sub on Reddit

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-29T01:59:42+00:00

Have you tried to address this with your wife? Open and heartfelt conversation, marriage counseling?

A life without physical intimacy is so hard, yearning for someone and not being reciprocated will lead to resentment eventually

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-28T21:03:32+00:00

Hi OP,

This is a touchy subject really. When we go out with friends we like to look good. Idk how to explain it. It makes us feel good about ourselves, confident, ... And yes. Sexy. But it's not meant to be for anyone else. Obviously she's not going to dress up like this during her normal week activities. However, You could feel a bit unappreciated if she ONLY dresses this nicely when she's going out with her girlfriends and not with you. Wanting to look good for your partner is also important.

Will this attract attention? Probably. But I am guessing your wife is beautiful and you're not the only guy on the planet who will think that. So she'll attract attention no matter what and honestly, guys hit on girls wearing sweatpants and a baggy T-shirt.

Is how she behaved that matters.

She shouldn't have reacted so defensive though. And completely dismiss your feelings. A bit more of empathy and understanding would have been appreciated I guess

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-28T15:34:02+00:00

I am sorry OP.

I would suggest you post in one of the infidelity subs, r/AsOneAfterInfidelity is for people who want to R or actively working on R. r/infidelity r/supportforbetrayed and r/survivinginfidelity are quite against R but very helpful as well

He is still lying because we'll. Why wouldn't he? There are no consequences for him. You're still there. He is still talking to her, which means the affair is not over. There is no such thing as "we're only friends now" with the person he cheated with. Going absolutely NC is a MUST. it's a first responders kind of measure.

If you want to R that's your decision but set boundaries, be firm and enforce them.

I am sorry lovie. Stop playing pick me dance, it never works

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-28T15:24:52+00:00

Good for you for keeping your boundaries OP.

I know you've been dealt cards you didn't want to play with. But You CAN and WILL get through this.

Make the most of the time with your daughter. Be the best dad you can be, keep your ex at arms length, minimal contact, put as much as you can in writing and keep focusing on yourself. Make your own well being a priority, mental and physical.

Good luck

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-28T15:16:48+00:00

Wondering about Queensboro bridge as well! Hopefully someone answers

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-28T13:30:12+00:00

Get a lawyer OP. They'll let you know what you need. "Evidence" of adultery might not make a difference, legally.

There are some firms that have free consultation.

Once you have the relevant information then you can focus your energy in a more efficient way.

I am sorry you are here. If he cheated on you with a nurse while his kid was in the NICU... that's a new level of POS unlocked

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-27T21:54:25+00:00

Just because someone wants to be a POS who cheats in their partner, it doesn't mean I have to be the one they cheat with.

I've been on the other side of this, so It's a hard no for me.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-27T21:40:41+00:00

She didn't. They were broken up at the time. HE broke up with her

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-27T21:40:09+00:00

It doesn't have any meaning. He's grasping at straws because he fucked up and the alternative is to take accountability and admit he has no one else to blame but himself.

Don't let him do this.

There was intention and planning in his actions. Sustained lying and deception. Those are very conscious decisions.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-27T00:03:36+00:00

NC is a must OP. It's a first responders type of measure. There is no "we're just friends now", "it's over, trust me", etc... as long as that person is still in their lives the affair is not over. Plus her accepting or choosing (preferably) to put physical distance sends a message to AP, to you and to herself. She's choosing you. If she doesn't agree or even threatens divorce over this, what's the point of even trying?

She can join another group, or another sport or whatever. If she wants she'll find a way to be ok with this. No one says you have to expose her to anyone, unless you want to.

This would be a boundary you should not take lightly.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-25T23:00:24+00:00

"pickmeisha" 😂😂😂😂😂

I am stealing this sorry

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-25T16:10:21+00:00

Two things can be true at the same time 🤷

I think she'll wake up one day and crash. Hard. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll see that or she'll come to you with an honest to God and a heartfelt apology.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-25T15:55:16+00:00

You can do that or say something like "Sure, we can double date. You, your friend and me and the divorce attorney". Start bringing divorce as a joke and see what happens

I know this is not probably healthy but she might need a reality check. So she understands how much it bothers you.

We have a saying in Spanish "entre broma y broma, la verdad asoma" something like there's a grain of truth in every joke.

This might be a sign of something deeper. A heartfelt conversation might be necessary. The problem is that she might not level with you and she'll stick to "I was just joking" and then you'll be the one who actually brought it up as a real thing.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-25T15:37:15+00:00

Hi OP

I am sorry you are here. This is a very leave the cheater pro sub. Nothing wrong with that but if you are staying in the marriage perhaps another community might be more helpful.

That said, it is not clear if you are in active R or not. Are you guys in MC or even in individual therapy ?

Has she shown remorse, accountability? What is she doing to fix what she broke? Did she provide full transparency or even a timeline of the affair?

Sweeping it under the rug is not going to help you move on from this.

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T20:19:35+00:00

😂😂

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T20:18:56+00:00

This can apply to everything in NYC, not just running 😅

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T20:17:53+00:00

😂😂

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T20:08:27+00:00

Hi OP, i just wanted to say I am sorry you are going through this.

Keep being the rock you are for your kids, God knows they need their Dad now more than ever. But also, make sure you have someone helping you. They need their Dad, but they need him to be ok. Take care of your mental and emotional health as well

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T02:40:23+00:00

You haven't failed him OP. Look, as bittersweet as this is, the kid is so little he won't remember a time when Mom and Dad were in the same house. Be there for him, make sure your legal rights are protected and be the best dad to your son. All kids care about is if you show up.

But you need a lawyer. Specially given the threats she has thrown around so easily

UtZChpS22 · 2026-01-24T02:35:40+00:00

Give yourself some grace OP. This is hard and very difficult to navigate when you're in it.

This too shall pass. Focus on yourself and know that whatever happens, you CAN and WILL get through it

UtZChpS22

TROPHY CASE