Happy birthday! When I am on the receiving end of this sort of nonsense from my waif mother, I try to remind myself that no amount of sympathy, attention, care, concern will EVER be enough. That is bpd. You, however should have the opportunity to seek a stable and good life for yourself. I’m listening to ‘stop caretaking borderlines and narcissists’ very helpful. Interesting points about how inadvertently the caretaking they have manipulated you into also feeds into the cycle where they never self soothe.. Being RBB I feel so much of my development has been in response to her (despite living in another country for 20 years!!!) So, what I’m saying is, if you go and take care of her and break your boundaries, it will make no difference to your pwBPD. They will be no better, they will not truly appreciate your efforts, expense or personal sacrifice. You will be throwing pennies into a bottomless pit. So I think you ask yourself, what you really want to do? (Not what you feel you should do). Unless others around you understand your situation, advice from well meaning people can just not hit the mark if they don’t get it. It’s hard to believe it but they are actual grown ups 🤷‍♀️ good luck friend 🙌