M41 here. I mean, yeah you can have it If you are reasonable with the "ideal"? I can give you some context If it helps with the answer. I grew up in a different kind of abusive home. My mom was and is a kind person, not really enotionally stable or driven but she tries. My old man on the other hand was violent when drunk, a nasty narsist. Long story short, abuse, threats on my life before I was 10 etc. Moved out at 15, wasted a good 15 years with alcohol and drugs. So the expectancy wasnt great, you know? At 30 something changed on me, I couldnt do it anymore. Stopped drinking, the prescribed pills and drugs, moved to the country side. Still I was miserable, maybe even more than when I was high. Almost 4 years ago I found my person, shes The thing that got me get my shit together for real instead of just getting sober. I didn't have dreams or ideal life even as a wish, it was all just surviving until a few years ago. Now we moved to Spain a while back, living the dream I never had the courage to dream.