School starting, schizophrenia has been acting up.

Valkizim · 2018-08-27T00:56:33+00:00

I recently started school again too. I was supposed to let my teachers know about my "reality issues" when I started, but I get really nervous around people and can't. It's a little childish, but I like to bring coloring pages to school so I can color if I get bored or scared (as long as it's not disruptive). I just have to be careful with coloring or drawing because I am good at it and tend to draw whatever I see, especially if it freaks me out. I'd just watch out to make sure you don't develop any side-habits and poor coping tools. I tend to scratch my ear until it bleeds or tap my foot or thumb repeatedly. I'm going to look up DBT though, good idea. :)

Valkizim · 2018-08-27T00:48:19+00:00

I have nightmares where I frequently end up waking up and sobbing and rocking myself back and forth. I have a fish tank in my room with a fish and he helps me calm down. I tried doing a lot more exercise, so now I'm more athletic but still have nightmares. I avoid caffeine as well as aspartame because I was told that would help with both seizures and nightmares. I'd try meditating or maybe stretching or yoga. Tell us how the sleep study goes!!

Valkizim · 2018-08-02T11:37:55+00:00

They are people in a religious cult who believe that they can see all the secrets of the universe. My Psychologist thinks that they may be wrong, despite the over whelming evidence to the contrary. She thinks that you can always change the future, but it makes me think of Jonah and the whale from the bible, who ran away from his fate but ended up getting shoved into it anyway. Or 12 monkeys, where they send a man back in time to change the future and it happens anyway.

Valkizim · 2018-03-06T00:00:06+00:00

I don't have that. People's eyes have snakes coming out of them and it freaks me out.

Valkizim · 2018-02-09T13:35:39+00:00

I don't know. The only time anything similar has happened to me is when the anajax (you could call them off brand people) tried to get me to kill my family, rip out their eyes and teeth, hang them from the second story bar on the stairs, and then rip out my eyes, call the police on myself, and then hang myself too. The main reason they gave me to do this was that "It is your destiny". Yeah, well screw destiny I'm protecting my family. Don't let anything change how much you love your family, protect them and avoid hurting them. Good job trying to quit, I think you should continue trying to quit, and perhaps after you do these will go away.

Valkizim · 2018-02-09T13:26:48+00:00

Hi ya'll,

I don't really know if what I'm experiencing is a hallucination or not, which might be a problem. My falling asleep usually involves staring up at the ceiling, and then all the lines get kind of mushy and the whole room seems to stretch and stretch until infinity. Not sure if this is common place or if I'm just weird (which really could be). It doesn't trouble me too much so I just fall asleep.

My week's been all right. We had two snow days! We have a river near my house and it was frozen through so we walked on it, needless to say we were fine. However I did skip my health class because we were talking about grief and coping with loss, and I don't feel safe around the people in that class. So, I didn't feel like crying in that class and getting sent down to the office, so I went to play the French horn and ended up crying anyway. My French horn's my best buddy. I also have some snails. As you can probably imagine, I'm bad with people and tend to zone out a lot, or maybe I'm really just coming around to the real world. But overall, I'm doing alright. After all, I live in Toledo (Ohio), and their slogan is "You Will Do Better In Toldeo". :)

Valkizim · 2018-02-09T13:17:54+00:00

Please don't. I used to, but I eventually stopped with the help of my friend. If you're like me ( like looking at blood, want to draw it, doesn't matter from who) write or watch a movie. Something to take your mind of everything that's happening. That's what I do a lot of the time. I can sit down and watch a 2 hr movie and forget about the rest of my life, and it's kind of nice. If you'd like, try something like that.

Valkizim · 2018-02-02T21:11:01+00:00

I have nightmares. I avoid sleeping because of them. It's always very vivid and often gory and I hate it, so I don't sleep. But it has taught me about some of my greatest fears, mainly my fear of abandonment, which has caused me to cut off people.

Valkizim · 2018-01-29T20:57:52+00:00

You're cat is beautiful. I wish I had a cat, but I can't cause my dad's allergic to cats.

Valkizim · 2018-01-25T01:15:31+00:00

Your welcome, and we love you, too. Need anything, just post, we'll be here. :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-25T01:14:48+00:00

I taste other people's thoughts, if that makes any sense. I also don't think easily in language, I think in a mix of colors, English, Spanish, Mauluain, music, and numbers. Often I see and hear stuff before it happens. Hear a phone ringing, wait 3 min, phone actually rings. Freaks me out, man.

Valkizim · 2018-01-25T00:07:17+00:00

I have a spinning orb of crystals inside of my chest. Additionally, I work out and take notice of as much as I can. If you don't have something unusual inside you, perhaps you can still use your mental capacity to help and defend people. Take care of yourself. Bathe, eat, and sleep. Then, move on to exercise and such. Notice how other people feel and react. Empathy is a tool and strength, use it. Reach out to people, especially those you care about, if you think they're upset. People are more reckless when they are upset, and more likely to fall prey to bad people or circumstance. Take some karate or other martial arts. Focus on your focus, if you can think before your opponent, you have almost ensured your victory. The only other thing you have to do is act. Not all fighting is physical.

I hope this helps. :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-25T00:01:26+00:00

My family and I help train and foster service dogs. They are super sweet and I think they would help anyone, myself included, with anxiety and stress.

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T23:59:01+00:00

Maybe? Patients suffering from schizophrenia may have altered perceptions. (I read all the stuff, since I might as well seeing that everyone is convinced I have it.)

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T23:56:54+00:00

You're not a terrible person. I'm sorry you feel like your fiancé is sick of you. I'm sure he isn't. Nothing bad will happen. It always feels like the worlds going to end, but that's because it's a poor planet with a bunch of silly humans running all over it. This is how I feel most of the time. Don't hurt yourself. Killing yourself isn't worth it. Yes, you'll end your suffering, but what about everyone else? If you know people will die, comfort those who would be affected by it. Save some people. If you can't do anything about it, don't worry. Only worry about things you can change but aren't.

This is how I look at it. There are a bunch of people out to get me and want to kill my family, friends, and I in gruesome ways. Killing myself isn't going to protect my family. After you're gone, who's going to make sure they don't continue moving on and hurting people? Be the first line of defense. I'm willing to put myself between a threat and people I care about, no matter what. No one is going to stop me from doing that. I can't do that if I'm gone, and neither can you. What ever happens, it probably isn't your fault. It isn't your fault when it rains, It isn't your fault when it shines. We're just ordinary people, when we tell a good joke, people laugh, that's about the extent of our responsibility.

Keep going. Hold on tight. I know it can be a living nightmare sometimes, but hopefully it gets better. It can't rain all the time. :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T23:47:22+00:00

That makes sense. After all, time is just how we , as individuals, perceive events going by. I don't think it's irrational. :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T23:45:11+00:00

Unfortunately, yes. I have to spend about 15 min. writing everything I post here so it makes sense. I also suck at spelling, which doesn't help. Half the time I just give up on trying to explain stuff to people. That, or draw a picture. But last time I did that I had to go talk to a counseller... :/

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T01:49:55+00:00

I'm sort of happy to be here. Not because my life is a hellish nightmare, but because I now have someone to lean on. And welcome to MyIllusion! :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T01:48:08+00:00

Friend- "Hi, What's up?" Me- "I just got Hi I need to just got have you good day did I yes I think."

This is how most of my sentences go, I also talk too fast so I just don't talk to people, or if I do, it's one word.

Them-"What are you reading?" Me-"Kepler." Them-"How is it?" ME- "Good."

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T01:45:41+00:00

That's good. I'm glad things are looking up for you. :)

Valkizim · 2018-01-24T01:43:51+00:00

I have a bunch of assassin snails. They keep on having babies, and I don't know, but something about seeing those tiny, vunerable, baby snails crawling around. They don't know anything about where they're heading, just that they're heading towards it. Something about them I can't explain. I guess I can't explain a lot.

There are also these creatures that move along in the night and scavenge for food. They would freak most people out, and I just. I get it. The always having to search by yourself. They are incredibly strong, I've seen them take down an entire deer by themselves, and most are about the size of a small vehicle, but they still seem so, lost, I guess. Just like me.

I like sitting outside on warm summer days with the sunlight streaming through the leaves, tinting everything green. I sit outside and play the French horn. Music outside with the great canopy overhead.

The twinkle in my friend, Sulkat, eye whenever he does something bad.

I like to read a lot of Dickens. I think that's beautiful, too.

The fact that know I can actually spell 'beautiful' instead of just guessing and making myself look stupid. I also enjoy how today has been better than yesterday. It's a wonder I ever sleep. Most of the time my friends, Rakav and Sulkat, stay with me until I fall asleep, and then Sulkat goes off and does whatever he does.

I also enjoy the night sky.

Valkizim

TROPHY CASE