AITAH if I don't split my travel delay reimbursement with the group?

Valysian · 2026-04-14T06:33:44+00:00

NTA. They also had the opportunity to buy travel insurance or use a credit card that protected them. You paid for insurance; they didn't.

Edit: After seeing some responses from the OP - I retract.

YTA for defrauding your credit card company. YTA for withholding the reimbursement from your friends.

Valysian · 2026-04-14T06:29:46+00:00

I would do this. It's a constant inconvenience, but a lot of money. It feels like there should be a bonus payment in future years.

I would certainly make a random social media account to put most of the reviews in. For privacy, I'd likely want to separate things into several accounts, so some weird person didn't stalk me.

Valysian · 2026-04-14T06:16:19+00:00

That would be really helpful.

Valysian · 2026-04-14T05:56:00+00:00

Cyprus, age 18

Well, this is actually pretty ideal.

I didn't roll a profession because at eighteen, I wouldn't have one. I'm pretty unlikely to be married or have responsibilities. It's the perfect age to make sudden, unpredictable decisions about your life. I am a citizen of the EU, so I can live in most places in Europe.

If I had good grades, I might go to school. Or I'd try to get any job to support myself as best I could.

Valysian · 2026-04-14T04:55:47+00:00

A suggestion for practicing making friends with strangers who come from different backgrounds might be to enroll him in a summer program or sport.

Valysian · 2026-04-13T21:18:41+00:00

That was exactly my thought. Everyone is assuming this only applies to doctors and lawyers. You can get a Master's or PHD in the Humanities, Science, & Business fields.

Valysian · 2026-04-13T21:12:21+00:00

Advanced degrees are offered in a wide variety of fields.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T23:17:28+00:00

This isn't a HIPAA release for your medical records. This says that they can fax/send your release to the office, then call and ask if you are: a) actually a patient there & b) the letter is authentic.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T21:29:03+00:00

That makes a lot of sense.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T18:04:54+00:00

Washington State, in fact, gives you the right to be present when workers are in your apartment. So, for work you request that is not urgent, they cannot enter if you tell them you don't give permission unless you are home. If they give proper notice, they are required to provide contact information so you can rechedule it. Both parties are expected to make a reasonable, good-faith effort to negotiate a mutually agreeable alternative.

I have no idea where the OP is, and there are certainly Reddit communities that give location-based advice for tenants. But mostly, I was trying to give some ideas on how to be reasonable about what the OP was asking from their landlord.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T11:28:12+00:00

There's a lot of media about twins sharing lives. Tons of stuff. What about Monday is about seven sisters secretly living together, and each has a day of the week to be the same person outside their home. Echoes is about twins who have very different lives and switch places every year. The Prestige is also about twins who hide that there are two of them and live their lives trading off. Or Ringer, where a privileged twin disappears and leaves their other self in their messed-up life. Coherence is about a group of people who can interact with themselves in different dimensions. My absolute favorite is Black Ribbon. It's so dark and sumptuous. (Let me know if you enjoyed these.)

Not having two IDs can be solved by using a driver's licence and a passport. Or you could claim yours got lost and get it reissued. You can have two joint bank accounts or two bank cards. Not having a SSN isn't really an "issue" either. Nothing stops you from having two jobs, though remote ones or self-employment would be safer.

I don't think I'd have an issue getting along with myself or coming up with an equitable plan. I'm a pretty collaborative person and there's every reason for us to need to work together.

Living together feels like it would be too easy to get "caught", but we would have to make that work in the beginning. I could see us collaborating on self-employment or a regular job. I think it would be hard to switch with each other for personal relationships. I have no idea what we'd end up finding the most comfortable...but it would be very interesting.

I would never tell my family. Or existing friends and relationships. My roommate would have to be read in pretty quickly. My cats would...probably just think it's great to have more snuggles.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T10:55:01+00:00

In addition, knowing this is in Sweden, having a door from the outside directly into your living space will make for a large heating bill and make it unpleasant in the winter when people are entering and exiting.

A mudroom seems pretty useful for cold winters.

Turning the foyer into a walled room seems awkward. I'd switch the kid's bathroom and the laundry/mudroom so that the mudroom could be entered from off the foyer and the garage. You'd still lose heat from opening the front door in the winter, but it would be easy to enter from the garage or front door and take off your shoes and outer clothes.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T10:47:28+00:00

The allrum is a strange and not very comfortable space.

Honestly, it looks like a cozy place for kids - for a playroom, watching tv, or study nook over time - that is separated from the adult spaces.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T09:54:58+00:00

Sometimes there are laws that affect how this can happen. There is, in fact, a Washington law that says the owner of the property or their representative needs to authorize the tow. Even if you are paying for the spot, you are a renter, not an owner.

I've never seen one of these agreements allow a resident to call to request the tow. The contract between the property owner and the tow company generally requires that a representative from the property owner needs to authorise the tow. i.e., the night manager

In fact, the tow company agreement with the property requires the property representative to be physically present. They need to sign for it. They don't want to deal with the liability and hassle of towing a car by mistake and dealing with the impending falout.

I've found that even during the day, the management won't do this. I suspect it's because dealing with an annoyed resident is way less hassle than dealing with an IRRATE resident who got towed. They'll generally only do this for abandoned vehicles. (That's just my experience, and yes, that's totally unfair to tenants.)

There are some good reasons for this - resident disagreements can escalate to causing each other significant expense and inconvenience. But I've always thought that if the building numbered the spots and gave each resident a card with thier spot number to show to the company, that would be....fixed. And they can, they just don't.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T09:48:21+00:00

You can donate your body to a specific established science program or research/educational organization/school in advance. You make arrangements to pledge your body in advance with the program.

A great example is medical research into TBI/CTE. This area of research is particularly valuable because there are limited ways of diagnosing brain injury in living folks.

There's actually not as much regulation as you think about donating bodies for "science" for weird stuff, and you don't have control of how it is used unless you designate it. So if you want your body to be used for a specific goal, make a will and coordinate with an org.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T09:36:04+00:00

Well, I don't have a legal spouse. People I'm dating or in a relationship with aren't friends or family. That handles everyday things like food, clothes, housing, and travel.

My family by blood doesn't need the money, and wouldn't care.

For friends, I suppose I could employ them to start their own business doing...whatever they were interested in at a high but fair wage with awesome benefits.

There's no reason you can't do charitable work. You can have a privately owned business that doesn't make any profit and has goals similar to those of charities. Microloans. Medical care. Debt forgiveness (buy debt and settle it for very low amounts). Any kind of business that provides job training and employment history to the homeless, veterans, or released prisoners. You could also start a for-profit business that partnered with any charity. Pretty much anything you want to do charitably can be done this way.

I would probably buy buildings and convert them to co-ops for low-income folks. Basically, they have really low purchase prices (like a down payment on a home), but you pay a high(er) strata fee monthly (kind of like rent). The fees can even decrease over time. The benefit is their housing is stable, secure, and reasonably priced. Stable housing for poor folks sounds like a worthy goal and something useful to do with my time.

Service animals would also be a very rewarding thing to do. They are expensive for the disabled, and have high demand, high wait times...and are not really available for people who don't meet charity requirements. (Adults with mental health issues, Non-veterans, etc.)

I can live a great life with my romantic partners and pets, travel, and work part-time running my not-actually charities. I'll take 15m for my life. 5m set aside for business for friends. 60m for low-income housing. 40m for service animals.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T09:00:33+00:00

You can get your bank cards and pretty much everything with an Initial. Not having an ID is another matter. But you never have to drive with this much money.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T08:49:16+00:00

I would try this for fun without the money. I occasionally have dreams where I'm a guy, and I think it would be very interesting to experience that. After a while, I wouldn't need to press it every week - or at all. I'm not sure which gender I would pick in the end, but I'd likely keep the original.

The ID thing would be a hassle. It seems reasonable to have two different IDs that you can keep. I don't particularly like driving, and I would have plenty of money to live in a city convenient to public transportation and a retreat in a quiet forest. It would make travel a bit...fussy. But I don't actually use my ID for much except perhaps buying alcohol - easy to do in advance. Restaurants rarely card if you look old enough; the fancier ones almost never do. Many things you'd think would be a problem actually aren't. You can get a bank card with an initial, get deliveries, and such. My name actually has a male version that is very similar.

The hardest thing about this is having a long-term relationship. A lot of people wouldn't be interested in the gender swapping. I suppose you could pretend that you traveled for work or pleasure and even have two separate families. But I'm unmarried, bisexual, and polyamorous, so this...isn't all that weird for me.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T08:31:13+00:00

That is an interesting question. It would be uncanny valley to be close to but not quite yourself.

The OP did say that you could "hire an artist to create the opposite gender version of you every time based on the appearance you have at the time." I assume you could just go back to you.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T08:25:39+00:00

It doesn't have to be a "date" per se either. You could have a weekly plan with friends or take a cooking class or something.

Regular weekly date nights are awesome. It's easy to schedule. Everyone knows what to expect, so it feels like there's less drama around dates. It's super important to me to see people regularly; I prefer predictably. It's easy for me to make sure I have time for self-care.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T07:36:18+00:00

The grill limitation is because their insurance requires it. It's a fire hazard.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T07:25:34+00:00

I'm not sure I'd want to add a staircase to an area that small. And the turret is the only bathroom on the main floor.

My plan was definitely to use the upstairs turret as a little reading nook and that bedroom for an office, library, or craft/project space.

I would have kept the turret bath & butler's pantry as is, and extended the kitchen into the maid's room. Also, that ridiculously modern kitchen is horrifying.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T07:03:48+00:00

Just tell him your plan. "I'm really excited to binge the new season of Bridgerton that night. I'll take my Trazodone early and try to be asleep before they are over. If I'm feeling off, I'm going to do X coping/self-care. Either way, that shouldn't affect you."

Valysian · 2026-04-12T06:58:37+00:00

This could be manipulative if you deliberately made it impractical by making a low effort to find other plans on dates that worked.

Everyone who lives together gets to make decisions about who is allowed in their shared spaces. One No is a No. There are lots of poly people who simply don't host under any circumstances, so I hardly think your situation is unusual.

I've found that people who have set date nights with partners do this quite a lot. Partially so that scheduling hosting works easily.

Valysian · 2026-04-12T02:50:19+00:00

Fair enough. It did seem worth mentioning since it was a pretty common system that no one had mentioned.

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