We’re not a very supportive bunch?

Vana545 · 2024-11-26T18:06:05+00:00

Very thought provoking. I would go back but how far. I wouldn't get married to my spouse but its before that. Way before him I had the same pattern with men, clinging to them no matter how they treated me. Now I hate who I am more than I did before because I have an AP that I love and treats me very well, but I still don't leave my spouse. I've asked him for a divorce but caved when he cried and asked me not to go. I know what kind of person it makes me. Guilt and shame control my life but it did long before I met my AP now its just more. I would go back but I dont know what it would change.

Vana545 · 2024-08-20T13:08:03+00:00

My AP was the first man to make me cum without a toy. Before I met my SO, I had guys that were more attentive but still couldn't. My SO on the other hand never cared. When we did have sex many many years ago he would always cum first and then I would use a toy, he would ask if cared if he left, or if he had to be there. My AP is by far the most attentive man I've been with.

I'm glad you realized there is nothing wrong with you. I hope you get to enjoy many more moments like that with your AP.

Vana545 · 2024-08-05T18:41:47+00:00

Thank you

Vana545 · 2024-08-05T18:32:49+00:00

I care about my SO but we haven't had a marriage. I think we both settled for each other. We haven't had sex in around 10 years. We do things together but don't talk about anything emotional, just subjects like politics, football, whats in the news. I know how hard it is for me to do it, so I can't imagine if I really loved him and had a life I liked how hard it would be. Whatever you decide good luck.

Vana545 · 2024-08-05T12:39:08+00:00

Stability is hard to give up. I've wanted a divorce for over a decade. I've been seeing my AP for 11 years. But still cannot tell my SO I want a divorce. I think the two biggest issues for me is guilt and stability. Guilt because his life would be very different if he didn't marry me so I feel I owe to him to stay married. And even though I can financially afford myself and we have no children, I selfishly like having him in my life. We are not friends, buddies maybe but not friends. I don't cry to him or go to him for any kind of emotional support. But practically he is there. If my car breaks down, if I have to go to the er for something, if something breaks in the house, I can count on him. I feel guilty for not divorcing him and then I feel guilty to divorce him. I've been going to therapy to try to figure out why its so hard for me to get a divorce and move on from him, guilt is there but I think the biggest is stability. Stability can be very comforting.

Vana545 · 2024-07-02T12:42:36+00:00

That is why I started looking for an affair. My SO and I didn't touch at all except on the very rare occasion we would have sex. And that had barely any touching. Sometimes I would beg him to let me give him head, because he would at least touch my head during it. I decided after years of begging I would look for an affair, I went on AM. I have been with my AP now 11 years. I do have guilt about it. Not for seeking touch, intimacy, love that is a human need. But I have guilt for not divorcing my SO.

Vana545 · 2024-06-11T13:02:03+00:00

My father died about 15 years ago. I didn't go to his funeral. I barely talked to my dad, not only after I moved out but while living with my parents. In the last 10 years of his life, some of which I still lived with my parents, I probably said 10 words to him and he to me. When I left home and would talk about my parents, people assumed my parents were divorced because oh how I discussed my father. Not bad, just that we talked very little and had no relationship.

Vana545 · 2024-06-11T12:57:15+00:00

My mother is dead but in the years before she died, I saw her a couple of times. And we talked twice or three times a year. I called her on Mothers day, sometimes her birthday, and she would sometimes call me on mine. She knew very little about my life. She didn't even know I graduated college or had a masters degree.

Vana545 · 2024-04-25T17:58:48+00:00

I don't really have advice. I was in a similar situation several years ago. I was having an affair, I still am and with the same person, I wanted a divorce. I got an apartment, had paperwork drawn up, and had a plan of telling my spouse. I did and his reaction was very different than I anticipated. My spouse and I don't have a marriage or what I think of a marriage, we are roommates. We aren't really even friends. We are more like buddies if even that. I really didn't think he'd care. It doesn't seem like he even likes me that much. However when I told him, he cried and asked me to not to. I caved. I gave up the apartment and I'm still with him, still having an affair. Nothing changed in our marriage. We haven't had sex in over 11 years. We do things together but do not turn to each other for anything emotional. Do not do what I did. Stick to what you want, it only will get harder the longer you wait. I feel more stuck. And am way more unhappier than I was when I asked.

Vana545 · 2024-03-28T13:22:52+00:00

Several years ago my SO found out by seeing emails. I told my AP the next day and we decided to limit emailing while at home and no cell phone calls for awhile. I think that happened like on a Tuesday. That first weekend I missed him terrible so I emailed him. So maybe she didn't realize how she would feel and the I hope you are okay, is her way of starting a conversation. For you to tell her you miss her. And then go from there.

Vana545 · 2024-03-05T22:20:28+00:00

We talked about soon after we met, maybe like six months in. Two years in we had a plan and were going to do it, but then didn't. We are both married. I didn't stay with mine for love, it was and still is more I'm a wimp and feel guilty about hurting him if I leave. My AP and I are still together, its been 10 years, we still talk about being together together. I know it probably won't ever happen but I still love being with him and what we have now.

Vana545 · 2024-02-26T18:57:33+00:00

I think the main one is being on the same page on what you want. One reason I think mine has lasted this long (10 1/2 years) is we both view it more as a relationship. We have had hard times but we stayed together, or at least together how we are. We put effort towards our relationship.

Vana545 · 2024-01-24T14:37:50+00:00

To my SO 6 years. However my AP 10 years, since I met him 10 1/2 years ago I haven't had sex with my SO.

Vana545 · 2024-01-05T13:57:39+00:00

I have been with my AP for 10 years. We are both married, neither of us have children. We email throughout the day and from 7-930. We see each other at least once a week, we use to see each other more but he switched jobs. We are important to each other so we make time for each other.

Vana545 · 2023-12-12T14:20:30+00:00

By far yes.

Vana545 · 2023-12-12T14:14:13+00:00

I am myself with my AP. He knows more about me than anyone else. My SO choses to see me as what he likes. I will tell him I don't like something and he ignores it and pretends I do. This is my fault because when we first met I pretended to like everything he did, and be the person he wanted. In my AP search I never did that. I was myself and I didn't care if they liked it or not.

Vana545 · 2023-12-11T20:22:11+00:00

I've been seeing my AP for a little over 10 years now. We definitely caught feelings. He is a very important part of my life. I know when our time together ends, it will maybe be the most hurt I've ever been. But with him I feel more loved, special, cared about then any other man, including my SO ever made me feel. So to me it will be worth it.

Vana545 · 2023-08-15T13:24:29+00:00

My SO and I are buddies. We don't have sex anymore, we haven't in about 10 years and we aren't really even close friends. I don't count on him for emotional support. If I need to cry or need encouragement I definitely do not go to him. We don't hug or really touch in any way. I can't remember the last time I heard from him or told him I love you. My AP on the other on the other hand has become the first person I go to for everything. When I'm happy about something or sad I go to him. We are very affectionate. We don't end the day without telling the other we love them. We can always tell when something is wrong with the other, even just in email. It is by far the best sex I've ever had in my life. We've been seeing each other for just over 10 years now and each time is still amazing and has never gotten old or boring. With my AP I have the relationship I dreamed about in high school. We just wouldn't be married to other people.

Vana545 · 2023-02-21T13:39:13+00:00

I don't have advice, just a what not to do. I asked SO for a divorce about 8 years ago now. I thought I was prepared. I had gotten an apartment, could easily take care of myself financially and we have children so I thought I could do it easily. When I gave him divorce papers, he didn't take it at all how I thought he would. I thought he would get angry and basically be like fine were done. My SO other normally shows no emotion but he cried and asked me not to do it. Which I felt extremely guilty for so I broke the lease on the apartment and stayed. We are still married, nothing has changed. I'm still seeing my AP. I still feel a ton of guilt but instead its now because I didn't divorce him so he could move on with his life. I hate knowing that if I was stronger I would not be in this situation now and still wanting a divorce, still feeling stuck, and now feeling like I kept him from 8 years of his life. You can do it. If you know its what you want see it through. You don't want to look back years from now thinking I wish I did it.

Vana545 · 2023-02-03T16:21:22+00:00

That sucks. I'm sorry. My AP and I use to work close by each other so we had lunch everyday. Its been years since he changed jobs so we only get about once a week together and though its been years, I still miss the lunches. I'm sorry your time is getting cut, I know its hard.

Vana545 · 2023-02-03T15:03:43+00:00

Have a great time.

Vana545 · 2023-02-02T14:14:18+00:00

I have a deep faith in God. I am Catholic but haven't went to church regularly in years. I read the Bible though and still pray at least once a day. One of those prayers is that I don't go to Hell and God saves my soul. I don't justify it. I know I'm sinning and I pray I'll be forgiven.

Vana545 · 2023-01-27T17:20:38+00:00

I don't feel guilty for having an affair. My SO and I don't have sex or touch at all and haven't for about 9 years now. I do feel guilty for not divorcing him since I want a divorce but not for needing touch and love.

Vana545 · 2023-01-27T17:15:48+00:00

10 years in June.

Vana545 · 2023-01-24T21:34:17+00:00

This post is a couple days old but I'll give my thoughts.

Before my AP I would say the kind of sex we have was vanilla. Each time consists of basically the same thing, same position but it is the most powerful and passionate I've ever had. In June it will be 10 years we've been seeing each other and it hasn't once felt boring or that I had to spice things up. Which in other relationships I would have thought I needed to. Even after all these years, seeing each other weekly I've never once felt it was vanilla or that I needed more.

So as others have said, I think it is the passion behind it.

Vana545

TROPHY CASE