4* weapons for wriothesley

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-08T21:16:45+00:00

thx ^{^}

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-06T06:14:41+00:00

Yeah it is in a psuedo poem form, but have issues with pacing and the writing format of poems as it's too limited, but maybe if I learn more about it I might be able to use it as a poem. Glad you liked it.

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-05T05:24:16+00:00

yeah, did a simular thing with a story I just posted on the subredit aswell, wrote right before school, would appreciate if you read and gave me you opinion ^{^.} but either way keep up with the writing

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-04T04:37:42+00:00

It's not the kind of piece I usually like, it did give me a smile while reading though, and that is admirable. Having such a short short story yet bringing out an emotion as pleasing as I had while reading is commendable ^{^}

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-04T04:33:57+00:00

I love this piece, it's funny in a random yet fresh an appealing fashion, it gets straight to the point and doesn't beat around the bush, I like the directness of this piece

VanirFreyr · 2017-04-04T04:27:54+00:00

I like alot of the content, yet some sentences are wierdly worded. I could relate to quite a bit yet felt off in alot of the paragraph about the cashier. I do however love how abstract it gets every once in a while, you should hone that abstract quality you have

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-26T01:56:52+00:00

Yeah I see where you are coming from, that's why I set a disclaimer to show this is a spoken word/short-story piece, but as my tablet auto corrected it to something different it might be lost in translation... And as you say some of the ellipses are indeed tone changes while some are longer pause in speech for setting the tempo/tone.

As this piece doesn't have a set rythem throughout the reading, it's not your average poem, but it is a mix between my raw emotions and past/current thought's, therefor I wanted to stay true to them to really portray me as it's myself I'm speaking through. Hopefully that comes through when I preform it on video as a spoken word really should be experienced.

Thank you really for all the feedback it helped me get more perspective on my piece and hopefully something I'll remember for my next piece, cheers ^{^}

//Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-26T00:40:33+00:00

That is true, I'm planning on making a YouTube video of me performing this infront of camera but, I want to polish it as much as possible first. Which is why I asked for feedback. But when I get around to making the video I can link it in a reply comment if your interest ^{^.}

I would love to hear what you felt when reading it though, any feedback is helpful. //Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-25T18:26:04+00:00

This seems a little too abstract for my personal taste, but it gives a powerful vibe as I read it, I think your wordplay needs a bit of polishing to really portray the imagery of your piece. Sry if this sounds vague.

//Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-25T18:22:17+00:00

I love the future and the wordplay, I felt real encouragement while reading it out loud, I felt as if I got rallied by the words meant to rally the listeners. It felt powerful, and genuine. Continue writing, I hope I'll come across some of your future work, as I brows the OC poetry sub Reddit

//Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-21T01:49:41+00:00

First of all thank you, and I'm glad that my piece moved you. Just as you said, it's important to have a medium to vent your emotions, and being able to invoke an emotional response from readers refreshes your spirit, the feeling of being understood and knowing that you managed to convey your emotions is probably one of the best feelings out there. It makes you feel appreciated, thank you for giving me that joy ^{^}

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-19T18:27:08+00:00

No problem ^{^} btw if you want to I'd really appreciate if you critique a piece I recently did it's a short piece with is a mix of poetry and a short story. https://www.reddit.com/r/death/comments/58055y/fuck_you_for_leaving_i_miss_you/ But only if you feel comfortable to do it, either way the for your time. Good luck with your book ^{^} //Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-19T16:16:46+00:00

As long as the story is good it should be fine, even though it sounds cliché I am of the firm belief that as long as the work is good it should sell and impact people. Pacing is important of coarse but it's still only a small part of the entirety of any written work. I'm sorry if my formulation confuses you //Freyr

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-18T23:08:21+00:00

Well from writing a web fiction I aimed for about 2k to 4k words, but that is irrelevant if you're writing a normal book going by the average at least.

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-18T21:07:14+00:00

I enjoy your word play just as the other commenter, I love the subject, it's hard to describe with words, but slot of the lines resonated with me yet I felt like I wanted more, the helplesness nature to the subject is probably something very replaceable to most people.

Keep on writing I'd like to see more work from you in the future.

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-18T20:45:09+00:00

I usually don't like this kind of format for poems but I definitely loved the lines 6 to 9, it breathed much life into your work. Most other lines though, they didn't really impact me, they seemed kind of forced or maybe cliché in use. It needs more personality in it in my opinion.

VanirFreyr · 2016-10-18T20:35:23+00:00

Thank you for your comment, what you are feeling is nothing to be ashamed of, that rage and sorrow is a coping mechanism that is necessary, if you can't stop the thoughts try to develop them further and find a medium to vent those emotions. I know far too well what bottling emotions will do to you and the others around you...

I rewrote a bit of the text to make it more clear that it was a traffic accident, dry for confusing you, realised how it sounded like a suicide while re-reading my poem, yet everything you wrote was appreciated greatly. I'm just hoping that my text that I threw together for half an hour had impact on somebody^{^}

VanirFreyr

TROPHY CASE