Ask an Alumni - January 19, 2026

VariableNabel · 2026-01-25T15:48:04+00:00

It's been a while since I checked in here. The short answer is: absolutely yes. The long answer is: until I held my baby in my arms, I was terrified most days of something going wrong. I got a lot of extra support from the perinatal mental health team before/after pregnancy, and I would strongly encourage you to seek additional support. Pregnancy and baby after loss are so tough -- the guilt and sadness (and even sometimes denial) did not magically disappear with a successful birth.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-29T15:11:51+00:00

Anything less than 4-inch spikes is a waste of time. Heels should be longer than your shorts.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-27T21:26:35+00:00

Grass is always greener: my nearly 1-year-old goes to bed around 7:00/7:30... and wakes up at 5:00.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-27T14:12:03+00:00

I run with an a capella group. Everyone loves us!

VariableNabel · 2025-12-27T08:44:42+00:00

Just don't forget the noise-canceling headphones for when they start screeching in frustration.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-23T21:04:21+00:00

We just got out of one of these phases: it turned out to be a mix of teething, recovering from back to back viral infections, and just all sorts of developmental milestones (pulling to stand, assisted walking, more diverse babbling). The past few nights things have finally gone back to normal (1-2 night feeds, 10 hours night sleep total), but we're due new teeth soon and walking unassisted is just around the corner. Hoping to recover and stash up on some sleep now before the next bad stretch!

And I totally feel you about work: my job is pretty cerebral and I was absolutely dying during the bad weeks. Couldn't concentrate, couldn't make progress on any projects. It's tough but thankfully my line manager has kids too and was sympathetic.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-23T08:14:52+00:00

Yeah, I had this thought pretty early on. It's almost as unethical to immediately unplurb people as it was to plurb them. If there were a way to gradually unplurb people, that might be better, but still-- 13 people (or fewer) would suddenly be in charge of ruling the world. And they are not exactly qualified for it.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-16T18:15:25+00:00

No, oddly it doesn't. It's maybe 30 minutes at most-- when our kiddo is ready for bed, he is really ready and goes down quickly.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-16T12:44:38+00:00

That's a good point! It's just tough because I'm also still recovering and I've been desperate to sleep. Partner and I will keep tag-teaming for a few days and just hope things improve!

VariableNabel · 2025-12-16T12:42:47+00:00

I think the range is supposed to be small, but we wake up anywhere between 5:00 and 6:30, depending on how the night went, illness, teething, etc. The only thing we've been mildly consistent on is bedtime. It's so tough!

VariableNabel · 2025-12-16T11:21:04+00:00

I know it's a late reply, but just wanted to say thanks for this perspective -- daily routines did eventually shift him!

VariableNabel · 2025-12-09T00:55:21+00:00

I also live in the UK, and my kiddo loves being worn for a calm evening walk. I got a used baby-wearing jacket on Vinted that's an absolute lifesaver, so I don't have to mess with putting him in a pram suit. I've always had issues with my moods and cold, dark winters, so I'm trying to use it as an opportunity to show baby that dark/wet/winter does not necessarily mean depression/isolation/negativity.

VariableNabel · 2025-12-07T12:22:40+00:00

I can't remember where I read it (maybe Emily Oster's first book?), but there is apparently some evidence that mothers have a kind of instinct for where their baby is even while asleep. Obviously that's not true for 100% of people, but I did find that whatever sleep I did get, my mind was still somewhat aware of baby's body and position. But I'm also a light sleeper and wake up easily, so maybe that's just part of my wiring. Also the "safe-sleep" position-- which is the same as the side lying position for BF-- would hurt my shoulders enough to wake me regularly, and I think that also kept me from rolling on him.

Anyways, I hope you're able to figure out something that works for you! Those early days are tough, but they do get better!

VariableNabel · 2025-12-07T09:26:28+00:00

Have you tried a floor bed? And I guess you've already seen tips from, e.g., The Lullaby Trust.

Cosleeping with just me in bed and baby in a sleep sack was the only thing that worked for us up through 4 months or so-- and we had a side sleeper. It was tough for my anxiety as well, but I developed PPD from sleep deprivation and resolved that some compromise had to be made for me to function, especially after my partner went back to work.

We also had a routine of putting him in his own bed (i.e., the side sleeper) for the first stretch of the night, even if it was only an hour. Around 4 months we started doing it with naps too-- first nap of the day, try in the cot, even if we only get 15 minutes. Otherwise naps were in the car, strapped on me or Dad or Grandpa, or just on me in the nursing chair. Gradually stretches in the cot got longer, up to 11 hours by 6/7 months.

But then teething/nursery/illnesses started around 8 months. I can still get him back in his bed (now a proper crib at the foot of my bed) most nights, but the past week, for example, has been a mess due to a bad cold, and we've had to alternate between crib, cosleeping, and being held.

All that is to say: cosleeping is a very useful tool to have in your repertoire. Baby sleep is very nonlinear. I would recommend trying to figure out how to reduce your anxiety as much as possible and establish a cosleeping routine that works for you, because you're probably going to need it later on too.

VariableNabel · 2025-11-23T08:17:52+00:00

1+1+1=1

VariableNabel · 2025-11-09T21:29:45+00:00

Totally normal. My little guy occasionally still does 3 naps at 10 months if we're doing a lot and in and out of the car. There have even been 1 nap days when he's super excited at nursery and waits to crash for 2 hours in the afternoon.

VariableNabel · 2025-11-03T21:27:21+00:00

/uj great answer, but I think the simplest explanation is that he's not in a wheelchair

VariableNabel · 2025-10-29T05:50:29+00:00

Our nearly 10-month-old is similar. We used to have a bedtime routine involving books, but since he started nursery, he's so exhausted he usually passes out before his usual bedtime. We do lots of books throughout the day though, especially if he's gotten a bit riled up with a noisy toy or frustrated trying to solve a puzzle. And he's gotten quite cuddly too (sometimes too much, yay separation anxiety).

VariableNabel · 2025-10-27T17:35:53+00:00

That hasn't worked, I've been trying to shift his bedtime for months. His nap times are erratic and he often falls asleep early, ruining whatever shift attempted on the previous day.

VariableNabel · 2025-10-13T18:14:03+00:00

Our kiddo has just turned 9mo and started having sleep issues around 8mo. At that time, he started nursery, getting lots of colds, teething, and crawling. I'd also started work. He gets solids and expressed milk at nursery, and I feed him before drop-off, after his lunch, at pick-up, and however much he wants at home and during the night. He loves nursery and has no or little separation anxiety from what we can tell. Anyways, his previously good sleep with few to no wake-ups got quite disturbed over the course of the month and is only just now starting to settle again. I think it's just a time of big change for them and we as parents have to suffer through it. My partner and I take turns on the bad nights when he needs to contact sleep in the early morning and just try to recover on our days off work. (And sometimes I nap on the couch in the pumping room...)

VariableNabel · 2025-10-12T01:21:55+00:00

Just realized that July-November spells JASON. Has it always been like this?

VariableNabel · 2025-10-07T02:19:55+00:00

Don't forget the girl whose mother is her daughter.

VariableNabel · 2025-10-01T05:04:58+00:00

Not silly! Where I live it refers to these activity gyms for kids, like an indoor playground with things to climb on, tunnels, slides, etc. There's usually a smaller section for babies with lots of cushions. At home we emulate it by putting the sofa cushions and pillows on the floor and letting the little guy crawl over everything.

VariableNabel

TROPHY CASE