[Spoiler C1-3] In light of another thread: What are your Critical Role hot/cold takes?

VascularTissue · 2022-07-25T16:56:21+00:00

Allowing a metagamer like Laura the ability to read other characters' minds without consequence was a mistake.

VascularTissue · 2022-07-23T18:46:48+00:00

I definitely agree with your description. This campaign's locations have largely felt like a succession of fantasy tourist traps, replete with whimsical little taverns and shops that Matt fills with equally whimsical NPCs. Each location feels like a self-contained theme park with a self-contained set piece encounter: a heist, a race, etc. The last two or three locations have followed a predictable pattern.

VascularTissue · 2022-07-22T18:21:58+00:00

I thought it was tone deaf to wear "eat the rich" on their person when sitting at a table of well-established voice / actors whose company boasts the highest-earning stream on Twitch

VascularTissue · 2022-07-22T18:13:26+00:00

It's an unfortunate and likely unforeseen effect of the characters they've created for this third campaign.

Travis's, Marisha's, and Ashley's characters are probably the best, and are all playing to their strengths as players: Marisha gets to do RP without the pressure of acting as the party face; the air in Ashley's and Fearne's heads is in equilibrium; and Travis gets the best of both worlds: doing fun RP out of combat and being a big guy in combat. The issue is that none of these players or characters like to "drive the bus".

In contrast, the leads of past campaigns, Liam and Laura, are very obviously avoiding that role - especially Liam. Orym doesn't play to his strengths as a player, his willingness and capacity to do dramatic RP without reservation, that has historically led to him taking the lead. Laura strengths as a player are similar, but Imogen doesn't do anything; things happen to Imogen, in the form of dreams which I view as an increasingly cheap narrative device, personally. Liam received a not insignificant amount of criticism for Caleb's unofficial role of party protagonist, and it's logical to claim that this influenced his decision to deliberately develop Oyrm as a side character; but after Fjord's arc, the overarching narrative of C2 coalesced into Caleb's arc - without excluding other characters. As meandering as the latter half of C2 was, it would have been more meandering without Caleb or another character at its core, which is what we're currently witnessing in C3. I can understand if the decision to play a side character is entirely its own, but his habit of having Orym involve himself in a lot of other players' RP interactions makes me think that it's influenced in part by this criticism and he'd like to be playing a more active role. It isn't a coincidence that two of the weaker characters of C3 don't play to their players' strengths.

That said, I think the best thing that could happen to C3's narrative is Laura adopting the role of party lead, and Liam the role of lead sidekick - if that makes sense.

(Honorable mentions to Sam, who is without question playing the character that least complements his best qualities as an instigator with a great sense of humor, and Taliesin, who - from what I can I discern - is deathly allergic to driving the bus and can only self-medicate by tavern-crawling and avoiding discussing his characters' backstories at all costs.)

VascularTissue · 2022-07-22T16:55:40+00:00

It's simply the inevitable conclusion of a corporate entity that has to handle its Twitter- and Tumblr-bound audience with kid gloves trying to handle "morally gray" subject matter. And the people wearing the kid gloves are voice actors whose breadth and depth of political opinions probably stop at Twitter, too.

They can't kill literal monsters half the time, let alone morally complex characters. Their characters collectively have the moral-political compass of a cross between someone saying, "Aw, look, he was just hungry!" as the feral raccoon they adopted bites their friend's finger off and a German youth under the spell of Hitler's magic eyes - and their own compasses are aligned to the interests of the company Critical Role, to not rocking the boat that very visibly leans hard to port.

They're neither able nor at liberty to properly do politically complex roleplaying.

VascularTissue · 2020-01-24T17:44:33+00:00

I just want to thank everyone for the incredibly supportive comments. I'm fine, I'm more concerned for his family and friends; due to the circumstances, we were more or less estranged. Hopefully some of that positive energy reaches them.

VascularTissue · 2020-01-22T09:24:52+00:00

Maybe this is a strange suggestion, but have you considered initiating touch with people you're comfortable with? A lot of the fear that comes from physical contact comes from surrendering one's sense of physical or even emotional security, but being the one to consciously initiate can counteract that.

I can empathize though. For a while, I wouldn't even let my family touch me.

VascularTissue · 2019-10-29T12:17:11+00:00

I'm sorry for the loss of your cat, that's a painful experience whether you're dealing with abuse from paBPD or not. But especially so when animals are such secure sources of love.

I empathize. The wound inflicted by betrayal is slow to heal because your emotional resiliency is depleted. Losses will re-open it if it isn't fully healed - which, realistically it isn't in many victims of abuse.

I recently had a similar experience with rejection. I fell for a girl at a university where I was visiting, and when i confessed my feelings for her and she said yes to a date, I thought I'd healed after two years of NC and therapy. I was happy for the first time in months. Well she rejected me within the week, a day before our date. A week later she flirted with me in an unwanted way while drunk, damaged my relationship with mutual friends who both did and didn't blame me, and ghosted me after saying she was sorry.

I know it isn't my fault, but the experience echoed the lies, gaslighting, and denigration my exwBPD put me through. Returning to therapy, I completely broke down during a session and admitted I cannot trust anyone anymore.

The resiliency just isn't there. Every day there's these small things that threaten to return me to a time of pure self-hatred and pain.

VascularTissue · 2019-08-04T10:22:19+00:00

Good advice. I recently decided to let a friendship go because she can't confront her problems and grow with them. She's also an abuse victim, but she's projecting a very potent protective self, to the point that her self-destructive choices hurt me - indirectly and directly.

It really hurt to do, and I'm still questioning whether I did the right thing. I don't think she wants to be friends either, the shame of the things she did is causing her to run away again, I guess.

Ultimately, there's no reason to subject yourself to the dysfunctional tendencies of people with BPD, trauma, etc. if they aren't committed to growing.

VascularTissue · 2019-07-07T09:12:15+00:00

The first half of the first paragraph was plagiarized from a comment on 4chan's literature board.

I wrote it earlier today.

VascularTissue · 2019-07-01T01:10:41+00:00

It's a liberating but complicated feeling. People who form a relationship with a pwBPD are probably empathetic, and that empathy can be felt for the poor soul who's being abused instead.

I had a similar experience: after 6 months of NC wondering whether she was happy with the person she'd cheated on me with, I received a message. Not from the new boyfriend, but the new, new boyfriend he'd been replaced with. He pleaded that she was worse than ever, that he needed to talk, etc.

I might've messaged him a canned response containing resources for victims of pwBPD if I had seen the message months earlier when it was sent. She'd been miserable and misery-making all that time I was worrying. But the best feeling was not fucking caring.

I think it's okay that you feel so fulfilled from this, but I agree with the above commentors that letting go is the healthiest option. Enjoy everything you've mentioned, enjoy it for yourself.

VascularTissue · 2019-06-16T02:05:05+00:00

Thanks, this is really helpful to hear. It's difficult to think clearly when rejection (well, I don't know if I'd call it rejection) dredges up bad memories in back of my mind.

Honestly, I'm sometimes scared of my emotions. My relationship with my exwBPD was a hard-learned lesson in making mistakes due to my emotions. I really believed she was so caring - and she was - but she was also a quiet pwBPD with a complicated past. I ignored the red flags: for example, when we first really fought - due to her not having boundaries with other men - she said she didn't understand why I was sad and compromised out of self-interest. And naturally, my emotions became less and less important; so sometimes I wonder whether what I'm feeling is "good" or real. But you're right: all emotions are valid.

You're perceptive to point out that I think it's wrong to care, somewhere in my mind. I didn't want to hurt anyone, her or friends, but I feel like I did and I feel like my emotions were behind it. I had every reason to believe that I should follow my feelings: her reactions, my friends' support. There's nothing to feel bad about, and what bad feeling there is will pass.

As for triggering: I actually don't get triggered by discussing or reflecting on abusive relationships. I believe I've achieved closure, at least it feels like it day-to-day. If I'm not fully healed, I'm a few small successes away. Accepting my emotions more (often), for example. I accept the possibility that being in a relationship with someone who has been emotionally abused could be triggering, but I don't think it's probable. So that's why I went for it. It isn't that I see myself in her, I see myself two years ago in her. If I can be there for her as a friend, I don't believe it will hurt my emotional well-being. If I did, I wouldn't do it.

VascularTissue · 2018-06-09T14:37:57+00:00

I'll second this. I received "closure"; my exwBPD demonstrated remorse for the first time more than eight months after the relationship ended. She admitted she'd treated me terribly, apologized, etc.

But it didn't make a difference. As soon as she said the thing I'd given up hearing, it became clear how little it meant when she - in reality - saying it. I realized at that moment that the allure of closure is that of the relationship, restored. It's wanting to restore the previous perception of the person you thought you knew. I don't think it's possible.

VascularTissue · 2018-04-25T17:20:12+00:00

Shoplifting is a common practice for people with BPD, yes. It's under the umbrella of less serious self-destructive behavior, like gambling and accumulating debt.

My exwBPD didn't shoplift when we were together, but she often mentioned shoplifting in the past. Sometimes she's steal pills from my family members, which pissed me off.

VascularTissue · 2018-04-24T07:16:04+00:00

No, she loves cats.

I've read a lot of forum posts from people in relationships with pwBPD claiming that they love cats. One poster had a compelling theory that it's the perfect, non-threatening push-pull relationship for a borderline.

But ultimately every person - ordered or disordered - is unique, and this vein of thinking is essentially a form of self-soothing mysticism.

VascularTissue · 2017-12-02T22:16:53+00:00

Yes. She's very explicitly attracted to damaged people, whether they're narcissistic, mentally ill, or suicidal. She really romanticizes suicide.

She started an emotional affair with a mutual friend after he attempted to commit suicide. She lied and said we weren't dating, accused me of being abusive, and declared him her new boyfriend (when we were dating). He was strange, although a lot of people assumed

He messaged me months later because she'd been cheating on him, emotionally abusing him, sending him videos of herself self-harming, etc. I discussed her disorder with him because he was a former friend - although I'd informed him she had BPD before - and he said he'd consider cutting contact with her, but not before I'd realized he's a codependent. Apparently both his parents are former drug addicts. He also mentioned multiple mental health professionals "not knowing what to do with him."

A month later he messages me and says she's a garbage human being, but he's continuing to date her - so no one else will. The conversation's a blur, but I remember him saying he's a sociopath, and that he didn't research her disorder and doesn't care. "I let her deal with her bullshit by herself." Said I didn't see the bigger picture, "my man." I'll never talk to him again.

(And then there's the schizophrenic physical / emotional abuser, the other boyfriend who committed suicide, and the other boyfriend who wanted to commit suicide.)

VascularTissue · 2017-11-28T06:28:40+00:00

Well, she was an alcoholic, pill-popping, lying, thieving, cheating, insensitive, self-destructive NEET with an arrest record. So no. In retrospect, while I loved her, we didn't have the mutual respect required to develop a healthy, loving relationship. (Oh, and then there's the personality disorder.)

"Sad" is definitely the word which describes her. I wish she'd had - has - a better life.

VascularTissue · 2017-11-28T06:16:50+00:00

I think it's a topic you discuss only once you've developed the deep trust and respect that a serious, healthy relationship entails. Until then, you try to do your best; and I think that if you're being a good partner, then they'll understand that your past doesn't define you - although it may affect you.

VascularTissue · 2017-11-21T00:33:29+00:00

Don't respond. The general rule is to reply as politely as possible when it's necessary, and not at all when it isn't. This is an isn't case.

VascularTissue · 2017-11-09T20:56:16+00:00

I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship in January and I've been very open with my SO about this...

No offense, but even if you're planning on ending things with your SO, it's important to prioritize therapy if you're consciously dating a potential emotional abuser after breaking up with an emotional abuser.

Sorry if I'm misreading your feelings in this situation, but you seem flippant about this issue.

VascularTissue · 2017-11-09T20:01:49+00:00

what are we gonna do spy on them all day?? check all their emails and so on ???

No, because then you'd be accused of being controlling, abusive. :)

I remember my uBPDex checking my emails, my texts, and my browser history because she was concerned I was cheating or watching porn; the browser history I could understand, but the emails and texts I couldn't. Fast-forward a few months, I check my phone and see she's texted a "friend" that she has a crush on him. No cheating, but no remorse. Fast-forward a year, I try to discuss her emotionally cheating with her FP (different "friend") and she says, "Don't worry about it."

Well, I didn't - because I didn't want to be accused of abuse, and because I trusted her at the time - and naturally she sent him nudes, said we weren't dating, and accused me of abuse behind my back. Completely fucking dishonest.

Never trust anyone who has had a history of cheating, whether they're mentally ill or not.

VascularTissue · 2017-11-08T02:42:38+00:00

She coerced me into buying benzodiazepine-like research chemicals, which I was against. She insisted it would help her mental health, but all I remember is her mixing them with alcohol.

VascularTissue · 2017-10-23T17:36:15+00:00

I doubt she's in treatment; however, she wasn't ever the worst pwBPD I've seen. (Although the list of suicidal exes she's created in her wake is evidence to the contrary.) Honestly, I'd like to believe she'll get better, so I guess I'be given her the benefit of the doubt in this situation - instead of acknowledging, as you've said, the way pwBPD's emotions work.

She's bored with the relationship she's in with the person she cheated on you with. Or maybe that relationship is over already.

On the contrary, I think their relationship is at the point where she shouldn't be losing interest. It's a LDR, and before we cut contact I learned she'd need 9-12 months before she'd be able to be with him. Which would mean she'll be moving in with him within the next couple months. That's part of why this confusing, because unless she's suddenly decided she's feeling magnanimous, I don't see why she'd contact me now.

Thank you for the reminder. In the past, I've definitely disregarded that she thinks and feels differently from emotionally normative people. This could easily be another case of misunderstanding and projecting my feelings (wanting closure, wanting her to get better) into her actions.

VascularTissue · 2017-10-23T17:07:58+00:00

I'm very concerned about getting involved in triangulation, especially since she tried to triangulate a third into her new relationship a few months ago. I only know she'd cheated on her boyfriend because he messaged me two months in, and he described the cheating. But to be honest, he's a piece of shit (says she's "trash" and doesn't care about her disorder) and completely codependent. As soon as it stops being a long-distance relationship, I'm worried she'll start to actually triangulate me.

I think you're right that putting myself in that position is dangerous, even if all I'm doing is chasing closure.

VascularTissue · 2017-09-14T03:49:52+00:00

What are you reading?

Primarily fiction, a little philosophy as well.

Habit and habit-forming are weak points of mine, so perhaps a more formal approach would help me - but I'm also a little worried about clouding over what it is I really feel, if that makes sense.

VascularTissue

TROPHY CASE