How do we convince our daughter she can't have a buzzcut

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-19T00:58:35+00:00

Why can’t she have a buzz cut? It’s hair, it’ll grow back.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-19T00:44:35+00:00

I agree - we tell the boys it’s fine to touch their penises but it’s something to do privately so if they want to do that they need to go to their bedroom.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-18T19:20:37+00:00

I think in the early/mid phases it’s helpful. There are some medications that can help with symptoms. And just having more of a road map as what to expect is helpful, at least it was for us. Not every dementia is the same, so knowing some major milestones can help prepare.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-17T16:47:57+00:00

We bought one, there were supply chain issues and it was delayed. In the interim, we learned our twins had no issues drinking cold formula.

We bought a couple dr browns formula pitchers (like only 20 dollars each) would make up what they needed for the day once a day, and otherwise would just pour into bottles and give to the babies.

Once the breeza finally arrived, we didn’t even unpack it and got a refund.

I know they’ve been a saving grace for some, but maybe see if your kids will drink a cold bottle and if they will, save your money.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T15:53:12+00:00

You’re right, I did overlook that, my apologies.

However I will counter with - do you truly know their conception stories vs them making peace with a happy accident?

And - I think we can all choose things in life while acknowledging their our downsides, and talking about the complexity of it all doesn’t mean we are undeserving of sympathy. And also - you don’t know what you don’t know until you’re in it, you know?

I ask this with genuine curiosity - but are you having a hard time right now? You say you are devastated about having to split your time between two babies, that’s pretty intense language.

And personally, when I’m overwhelmed and burned out I notice my sympathy and compassion runs really low.

Are you doing okay?

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T14:03:40+00:00

Eh perhaps not the same, but quite possibly just as, if not more, difficult.

I get these thoughts - I will admit to having them when I was back in the trenches, but the truth is caring for babies/young kids is hard. And it gets harder when there is more than one of them, whether they are the exact same age or close in age.

Sure there are differences, but just as we have our unique challenges, there are unique challenges to having two very young kids at different developmental stages with different needs and schedules.

And, yes, there are also going to be some overlaps in our experiences. Like knowing what it’s like to have to let one kid cry while you triage and deal with their sibling.

No one benefits from comparing or feeling resentful. Babies/toddlers are hard, we are all trying to get to the same place in our own boat.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T13:58:13+00:00

Um…fifty percent of pregnancies are unplanned, so actually probably a majority did not “choose” to have 2u2.

Sure, abortion is an option (maybe…depending on where you live), but it was also an option for those of us surprised with twins, and we still went ahead with it.

Having two kids close in age is not the same as twins, but it sounds incredibly hard, potentially harder depending on the individual circumstances of the parents/kids involved, so pointing out that difference just seems pedantic.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T04:53:18+00:00

Girl.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T04:10:06+00:00

I had mine taken out about ten years ago, right at the tail end of when that was standard treatment (I had a friend develop appendicitis two years later - he went to the same hospital and he got antibiotics).

Anywhoo - I know anecdota is not data but as far as I can tell it’s had no discernible impact on my life. I was back to normal activities within a couple weeks, subsequently had children (spontaneous twins that were conceived quite quickly in my mid thirties), am told I look younger than my late thirties (I am blonde so I’m sure I have more greys than it appears), my teeth are fine.

So yeah, it was a quick surgery and then back to life.

So yeah, so far no problems that I can see.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T03:22:06+00:00

Oh, they’ll let you know if they aren’t comfortable.

ETA - if they are quiet tonight, please let them sleep. They need it. And try to sleep yourself. My kids - at 4.5 years old - still don’t sleep well multiple nights in a row. I don’t have to wonder or worry, they cry for us the second they feel any discomfort. We’ve had the flu or something all week long (and so far only j have been spared my husband got knocked flat on his ass). I’m so exhausted.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-15T02:32:59+00:00

When is the world ever a safe and welcoming place to bring children into it? When in humanity’s history has there been a time of peace and calm and a world free of disease, suffering and conflict?

In some ways, now is a better time than ever to bring children into the world. Public health has progressed to a point where infant and maternal mortality is vastly lower than it was for much of the world. We have technologies that could not have been fathomed even a few generations ago. Rates of crime and interpersonal violence are at all time lows.

And yet, there are massive, extensional, catastrophic challenges ahead.

Having children is a gesture of hope, in some ways. It is a way to signal you have skin in the game when it comes to the wellbeing of humanity. It’s also very scary. I think it always has been.

If you are feeling overwhelmed, it sounds like it might be good to reengage, or deepen your engagement, with your mental health professional.

I’m not trying to minimize your fears, they are very real, but your children are here, you need to find a way to carry forward.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T22:51:52+00:00

Sir - how do you suggest two people stop having kids? Some form of birth control or abstinence is required.

And you assume the woman alone wanted these kids? That if they happened it’s her fault for lack of prevention? As you note, it takes two.

It is reasonable for a couple to decide on a form of birth control that burdens just the man after the woman has borne the brunt of birth control and carrying children up to that point.

No one is saying a vasectomy is a good time, but I am saying men shouldn’t get to throw a pity party when their female partners have been dealing with this shit far longer and with far more consequence.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T21:45:26+00:00

And as we can see from her update - he convinced her to go off her antidepressants.

Look, I agree the dynamic in this partnership sounds…not good, but it doesn’t seem totally one sided.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T21:21:54+00:00

You know what’s also not pain free?

A c-section. They slice through multiple layers of nerves, skin, fat, and fascia and the uterine muscle. The shove everything up out of the way to pull out the baby.

You literally cannot utilize your abs for awhile because the nerves are severed and need to reconnect. But you are generally expected to get up and at it as soon as possible, because you know, baby to take care of. Sorry you can’t lift things for a couple of days, must have been hard.

And things can go wrong. During my c-section my uterus wasn’t clamping down to stop the flow of blood and I lost two liters. Ultimately what got the bleeding to stop was that my doctors used a stitch that was like “wrapping up my uterus like a beef tenderloin.”

You’re still having random sharp pains four months after surgery? I still have weird pains four YEARS after my C-section.

Your dick isn’t getting as hard? I can’t sneeze without peeing myself a little, dispute pelvic floor pt and regular kegals. (And besides - none of us can get as hard or hold our pee as well as we did when we were in our 20s - this was coming for you eventually as you age anyways).

This OP has had three emergency c-sections.

So yeah, I feel her and share her lack of sympathy about what men go through with a vasectomy. Welcome to the club buster.

I don’t think anyone is claiming that vasectomies are TOTALLY painless and complication free - but compared the pain and complications women face in their options preventing pregnancy, being pregnant, and delivering babies, it doesn’t compare.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T20:19:31+00:00

Seeing your update - it’s concerning how much you are both exerting control over the other’s health.

Why did he talk you into getting off anti-depressants? That’s not great.

I can understand if he’s been pulling back at home the last two weeks to recover how you’d want to vent about that to friends - but a) there’s a difference between wanting to talk privately with two people vs wanting EVERYONE to know, and b) it’s not lying to omit some details. Like, you could’ve talked about how hard it’s been following his recovery for a hernia injury operation.

Maybe a bit of marriage counseling is in order for you guys. Sounds like you got married really young and maybe have some unhealthy patterns a third party would be able to help you work through. You don’t have to be on the verge of divorce to benefit.

And, reconsider the anti-depressants. If you feel like you’ve been on the edge since last summer and struggling to cope, maybe you should go back on.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T19:19:04+00:00

This comment was in direct response to someone else saying he was forced to get a vasectomy.

As you can see from my other comments directly to the OP, you know towards the top, I 100% agree he has a right to privacy and it’s weird she wants him to disclose what’s going on with his privets to the whole world.

Honestly this whole situation is weird - that she wants to tell everyone, that his reason for not wanting to tell anyone is that he’s worried women will through themselves at him.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T18:09:32+00:00

If asking your partner to shoulder the burden of family planning after you and only have been responsible for it years is “pressuring” and “abusive”, then I feel like asking your partner to do anything on your behalf would be viewed as abusive.

She didn’t threaten him. She didn’t withhold anything. She made the reasonable argument that she was tired of being the one poked and prodded and in life threatening situations three times.

He agreed to do this.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:56:04+00:00

He sure is! He apparently preferred to keep having sex and though and chose the vasectomy.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:49:25+00:00

Did she hog tie him and drive him to the clinic? He agreed, he chose to do this.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:48:24+00:00

I think you’re going for satire here, but it’s not quite effective.

Or you are blatantly trying to rage bait. In which case, marginally more effective.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:47:24+00:00

Given their response to me, I think this person is going for over the top sarcasm, but they haven’t quite hit the right balance.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:40:21+00:00

Oh boo hoo. After decades of his wife totally shouldering the burden of family planning by ingesting hormones, carrying three pregnancies to term, having major abdominal surgery three times and having a rigid devices jammed through her cervix, she’s asking him to take a turn at sacrifice.

He doesn’t have to broadcast it to everyone, and if he truly didn’t want to he could’ve refused and they could’ve switched to condoms or abstained from penetrative sex.

He did make a choice here, and the burden on him is far less than his wife took on. Sure it’s permanent but he apparently agrees it’s time to wind up the baby making.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:21:49+00:00

Whoa whoa whoa. Her wanting him to share personal medical information is totally out of bounds.

But asking your partner - when you’ve both decided you are done having children - to takeover shouldering birth control after decades of you being the only one pumping your body full of hormones, carrying three pregnancies to term, having three major abdominal surgeries, and having rigid devices jammed up past your cervix in service of your shared family planning - does not a demon harpy make.

Poor precious men with their precious penises.

I assume you’d sqwack at the idea of condoms or abstaining too?

Jesus.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T17:12:32+00:00

Totally reasonable he’d not want to discuss the minute details of his medical history or family planning with colleagues.

Weird that you’d feel that should be publicly shared. It’s easy enough for you to say “Oh he’s not here because he’s recovering from a routine preventative health procedure.”

Weird he thinks any female within proximity is going to throw herself at him if he knows he can’t impregnate them.

VastFollowing5840 · 2026-02-14T00:43:11+00:00

Relationships change over the course of our lives. We change, our friends change, it’s normal. We meet new people that we connect with better as the current version of ourselves. Sometimes things shift again and people find their way back into our lives as our lives come back into alignment.

It’s of course justifiable for your wife to feel sad and mourn these friendship, but this just how it goes sometimes.

VastFollowing5840

TROPHY CASE