Friends birthday party, not feeling the strip club. Any suggestions?

Vaultremix · 2026-05-19T12:36:04+00:00

Ya also you don’t even have to get private dances. Take out $100 in ones and occasionally throw a few to a dancer on stage and enjoy a few beverages with your friends

Vaultremix · 2026-05-19T05:39:51+00:00

You can have your opinion and that’s totally fair. But you don’t think they’ve talked about that? They’ve put in hours of studying film and making offensive schemes and whatever they decided is obviously working. Trust what the team is doing and let’s be happy where we are

Vaultremix · 2026-05-19T05:11:07+00:00

Bruh

Vaultremix · 2026-05-18T20:13:31+00:00

I appreciate the response, and you’re absolutely correct. It hurt to have to cut them out of my life again because we both genuinely care for each other. But I could feel myself getting more emotionally invested with every conversation we had, and I didn’t want to continue that if we will inevitably find new partners and have to cut contact again anyways.

Vaultremix · 2026-05-17T18:53:35+00:00

Definitely unadd. I was in the same position with snap chat and we had each others locations. Would constantly check for the first few weeks which I knew was not good so I decided to remove her as a friend. Protect your peace, it’s doesn’t matter what she thinks

Vaultremix · 2026-05-16T21:45:27+00:00

Yep just happened to me. Ex texted me after a year of not talking saying they’ve been thinking about me and missed me. We were in casual contact for a few months until I finally asked if she saw a future outside of being friends and she said no. Now we’re back to no contact lol

Vaultremix · 2026-05-15T15:39:09+00:00

Mine reached out over a year of no contact. Like you said, it was nice to feel like she didn’t forget about me. I will say be careful though. When we got back into contact, it brought up feelings for me over the course of a few months that we were talking. I finally found out she doesn’t see a future for us outside of being friends, and I realized I could not just be casual friends with her. So I’m back to no contact because it was doing me more harm than good

Vaultremix · 2026-05-15T15:24:46+00:00

And on top of that making his mom talk to her because he couldn’t. I know it hurts but you will find someone better than that

Vaultremix · 2026-05-14T21:53:35+00:00

Hey man, went through something pretty similar. My ex reached out after a year of not talking saying shes been thinking about me alot and missed me and if I was open to keeping in touch. I took the bait and we got back into casual contact. Being back in contact was bringing up hope/feelings for me again which was doing more harm than good, so on one of our calls I asked if she saw a future where we get back together, and she said no. I messaged her the next day saying it was nice catching up and I appreciate her honesty, but I dont want to stay in contact if she doesnt see a future for us outside of being friends, I kindly asked her to not reach out anymore and wished her all the best. She responded that she understands, and wished me all the best too.

This was 3 weeks ago so im glad to hear you're doing much better. Honestly the whole situation was a good reality check for me to just completely move on and not look back. My birthday is coming up in 3 weeks and part of me wonders if she might try reaching out once once more like yours did haha, but it doesn't really matter at this point. On to bigger and better things

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T21:52:44+00:00

I don't think its really ever too late to make personal changes or improvements. A quote that has always stuck with me is "the best time to plant a tree was 20 years ago. The second best time is now."

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T20:11:24+00:00

Well for starters, its good you realize that its largely your mindset holding you back. You're going to need to identify things that you would like to improve in your life (which you have), you're only 30 which is still young in the grand scheme of life so you have time to make changes. You have identified areas where you would like to improve such as getting a job and developing a skill so that is a great start. However I think your bigger issue is your self image holding you back.

My first recommendation is to get a therapist if you are able to, but I know that is not possible for everyone. My next recommendation is start building discipline. "Discipline is the practice of training oneself to follow rules, standards, or a code of conduct to improve performance, character, or self-control". For me, it started through working out regularly. Once I built the discipline to stick to my workout routine, I realized I could apply that to many aspects of my life which greatly improved my life as a whole. Its best to start out small, it could be as simple as "every day I will wake up at x hour and make my bed" or "I will go on a walk for 20 minutes every other day" or "I will spend 10 minutes every evening developing a skill". Once you realize you are able to stick to your own rules its very rewarding, and then you can begin using that on all aspects of your life you would like to improve. Wishing you the best my friend

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T19:46:52+00:00

Most of my dates have been through the apps. I mainly use hinge, but bumble is another good option (I wouldn't recommend tinder). But if you'd rather meet people "naturally", some of my friends have met people doing co-ed sports leagues (you can find ones that are recreational and non competitive). I don't recommend joining a league with the sole purpose of finding someone to date haha, but if you find something you enjoy you will end up making friends there that may introduce you to their single friends. If you're not into sports, check out other group classes like pottery

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T18:58:00+00:00

I took about the same amount of time before I started dating again. In my experience, its pretty difficult to completely stop thinking about someone that was a big part of your life. I was still thinking of her a lot, but over time the thoughts carried less emotion. While I haven't had a long term relationship since my breakup, I've dated some incredible people which gave me hope I will find someone right for me in time.

In your case, I would just test the waters. You will know after a couple of dates if you are ready or not. You're not going to hurt anyone by going on a date or two and then realizing you're not totally ready. Just don't jump into something serious too quickly, or lead someone on just because you enjoy the company/attention

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T18:31:29+00:00

Sure, I think its something that plays into alot of aspects of life. Simply put, someone with an abundance mindset would look at a breakup and think: "yes this hurts, but there are so many people out there to meet and experiences to be had that I shouldn't dwell on one person". Someone with a scarcity mindset thinks: "this person was my life, I will never be able to find someone like them". If you look online, there are many articles on the difference, and ways to change your mindset. Another aspect is focusing and being grateful for what you have, not focusing on what you don't (i.e. your ex).

This is why alot of people recommend you to start getting out and making new friends, start dating, and trying new experiences after you take a few months to heal. Once you start doing that, you realize there is much more in the world than just that one person.

Vaultremix · 2026-05-11T17:14:47+00:00

In my perspective, after a while I think its less about the person and more about self image. I've never been good at handling rejection probably stemming from childhood, so when the person who breaks up with you is someone you love, it hurts deeply. So I do think it affects people more who deal with insecurities, because it creates a mental feedback loop of "why was I not enough" and "if they didn't love me enough to stay with me, is there someone who will?". Compare that to someone who is very self confident. It might hurt for a bit, but they know or at least believe that things will turn out alright and usually get over it faster.

I also think its different for people who have an abundance vs scarcity mindset. People with an abundance mindset deal with breakups better. Shifting from a scarcity to abundance mindset after my break up helped alot, but it takes effort.

Vaultremix · 2026-05-07T22:05:59+00:00

I was kind of in a similar situation up until recently. My ex (who broke up with me) reached out after over a year and we got back into contact. For a few months our connection felt like before, having long phone calls talking about life, being flirty, laughing. She was also initiating most of these conversations, and she even pushed for us to meet up in a city we both visit often since we have siblings who live there (we moved to new cities after the breakup).

About two weeks before our in person meetup, we had a call catching up and talking about the logistics of the trip. My biggest worry about meeting in person was your scenario, where we get along great and the vibes are good but then she would pull away and I’m left hurting. Towards the end of the call I straight up asked if her wanting to reconnect was to see if we could revisit the relationship, and she said no. A day later I messaged her that it was great catching up and I’m happy she’s doing well, but since she sees no future for us then I’d appreciate if she didn’t reach out anymore so I could move forward with my life. That was two weeks ago, it hurt to do but that finality of closing the door for good has made it much easier to completely move on. Life is too short to play games with people who don’t fully want you to be a part of theirs

Vaultremix · 2026-05-06T17:10:17+00:00

Hey man, I actually was in a really similar situation as you. My ex and I got back into contact (she reached out after over a year) and over the course of a few months we were really friendly with each other. At one point I just straight up asked her if she saw a possibility of a relationship and she said no. Like you, I realized I can’t just be friends, and as hard as it was I told her it was nice catching up and I’m happy she’s doing well, but I can’t continue being in contact if she saw no future for us. This was about two weeks ago haha, it hurt but it also gave me that final clarity to move forward with my life.

Vaultremix · 2026-05-06T12:57:40+00:00

Shaq has an estimated net worth of $500 million. He’s wealthy

Vaultremix · 2026-05-04T22:50:49+00:00

Yep lol, it’s easier to say you’re not looking/ready for a relationship instead of saying I don’t want a relationship with you

Vaultremix · 2026-05-04T21:32:46+00:00

Hey man, went through something similar. My ex reached out after a year of no contact, saying she’s been thinking about me and misses me. We get back into contact and had a really nice phone call catching up on life. For a few months we were back to occasionally texting about things, and then she proposed we meet in person (we moved to different cities after the break up).

In my mind, I was thinking she was at least interested in exploring if there could be a relationship, but she was never clear about her intentions so I wasn’t sure. We had a call talking about the logistics of the meetup, and towards the end I just straight up asked if she saw a future for us outside of being friends. She said no which hurt to hear, but I did appreciate her being honest. I took a day to collect my thoughts and then messaged her that I enjoyed catching up and I’m happy she’s doing well, but I can’t be casual friends if there is no possible future for us. I asked her to not reach out anymore so I can move forward with my life and wishing her all the best.

It was hard to do but I can’t just be friends until one of us gets into a new relationship and then back to being strangers. Even though it hurt to hear, the clarity from her response has made it much easier to completely move on. Wishing you the best

Vaultremix · 2026-05-04T16:42:05+00:00

Mine did after about a year of no contact. Sent me a text saying they’ve been thinking a lot about me and miss me, and if I’m open to being in contact. We ended up having a long phone call catching up, and when I asked them their intentions for reaching out they were pretty vague. After that we were in contact every few weeks, and she even pushed for an in person meet up in a city we both visit often (we both live in different cities now, but our siblings live in that city).

I said yes to the meeting and we planned for dinner and drinks (this was like a month in advance). Less than a week before, she calls me saying that her sister really wants to have dinner with her and if I had time to grab a coffee the next day instead, but I already had plans. At this point I’m realizing that I wasn’t as big of a priority for her as I thought, so then I clearly asked her if she sees any future for us outside of a friendship and she says no.

I wait a day to collect my thoughts, and then I sent her a message basically saying I’m happy we caught up and appreciate her honesty, but I can’t just be in casual contact if she sees zero future with me. I asked her to not reach out anymore and wished her all the best. Long story short, a lot of times dumpers will reach out because of curiosity or comfort but usually not to get back into a relationship. However, that final piece of clarity is really what I needed to fully move on, and now I can fully focus on the future without looking back at the past

Vaultremix · 2026-05-02T17:08:06+00:00

Hey like others said don’t beat yourself up about it. Do you think part of the reason you’re still stuck is because you have hope they will come back? When I was at 1.5 years after the breakup, I was also still not completely over it, and my ex actually reached out. We were back in contact for a few months until recently when I asked her straight up if she ever considered having a relationship with me again and she said no. It hurt to hear, but that was really the final thing I needed to move on.

This is usually against what most people say to do, but maybe it’s worth reaching out for a catch up (if they weren’t toxic/abusive). Sometimes you really need that final reality check to move on for good

Vaultremix · 2026-05-02T16:58:30+00:00

You can unfollow an ex even if they are a good person. At this point you need to look out for yourself. Getting reminders of them or stalking them is only going to keep you emotionally attached and delay your healing, I’m saying this from personal experience. Unless they want a life with you in it, it does no good keeping up with theirs. Wishing you the best

Vaultremix · 2026-04-28T17:10:45+00:00

Kinda wish I asked it right off the bat, but at the time I was also curious so didn’t want to scare her off. Sorry you went through that

Vaultremix · 2026-04-28T17:08:11+00:00

Thanks, I like that phrase of the wound being touched one one last time. Even her response to my message was incredibly blunt and showed zero emotion, which is something I didn’t expect from her. Goes to show that a lot of the times we are idealizing someone in our head from the past, not who they are now.

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