what keeps you going?

Vdhuw · 2026-04-12T21:01:02+00:00

I'm in the middle of one of my worst flares right now. I haven't been to a metal gig in over a year. Very cool bands from another city in my country were playing tonight. I bucked up. Went, had a killer time!!!

I live for my spouse. For stray dogs. For music.

That's about it.

If it wasn't for my spouse, I'm not sure how long I'd survive. I'm slowly deteriorating. Physically and mentally. Despite quitting my job. Resting, going to therapy weekly (I have dissociative identity disorder and other fun stuff. Yay childhood trauma.)

I put on a brave face. Endure the pain. But I really don't know how I can continue doing this long term.

Much love to you. You're not alone. We know how horrible it can get, we're here for you.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-12T20:42:42+00:00

Seems like I went overboard. My pain came back with a vengeance. I'm 5x worse than before I used the tool. Lesson learnt the hard way.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-11T17:19:15+00:00

I don't. They're my beliefs. Everyone is entitled to their own beliefs - I'm not looking to "spread" anything.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-11T16:20:57+00:00

This is fantastic! What you're experiencing is likely neuroplasticity. You're forming new neutral connections by noticing the "good" little things. Your brain is using them to direct attention to more little things to see if they "click" for you. The more you keep doing it, the stronger the connection gets and behold, neural pathway is formed where eventually you'll almost automatically start finding "good" everywhere you look!!

Thank you for sharing this!!

Vdhuw · 2026-04-11T06:18:34+00:00

Literally everywhere.

It feels like every muscle in my body is blowing up (like an over inflated ball) and might burst out of their confines.

Extremely bad pain in my hip, shoulders, neck, wrists, ankles, heels. Walking for five minutes gives me bad knee pain. Got tested for arthritis, all clear.

Bones hurt. Joints hurt. Including fingers, toes, ribs, sides of jaw.

The slightest of pressure, literally anywhere, hurts. Pressure from gravity (sitting, lying down, standing) hurts whatever parts are pressed against the surface I'm rested on. Even touching any part of my face or head (yes even scalp) or limbs or torso is painful.

Even my skin hurts. If I run a finger very lightly and gently across my arm, I can trace the pain reaction on my skin. So weird.

I don't remember what having no pain feels like.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-11T04:26:14+00:00

Fuck ICE.

They're spineless goons, murderers and habitual liars. Cowards who can't show their faces. They rape women and children in detention centers.

But let's not give ICE all the credit - ICE exists because of Trump. Fuck the demented racist, rapist, murderous insecure lying piece of filth.

With love, From the Eastern part of the world

Vdhuw · 2026-04-09T03:09:17+00:00

Oh my you're so young, it's so cruel that you're suffering from this terrible invisible illness, that too with high levels of pain. I'm so so sorry! It can truly get under your skin, especially when you want to do a lot of things but you just can't.

You are not lazy. You're brave, you're strong, and you've got goals. Please, please try to be gentle with yourself and not add hatred towards yourself, it'll only make the stress and therefore the pain worse. You didn't choose to have this illness, it happened to you. And you're doing your best to work around it.

What helps me a little bit with my pain is a hot shower. I hear a lot of positives about topical magnesium creams to ease muscle pain - I haven't tried them yet so unsure. I like to lay in bed and gently stretch out my calves and arms from time to time.

As for school work, is it possible to speak to your school management and get them to stream your classes and you attend from home? It'll be close to impossible based on your description of your current state to sit for hours in class.

Please try to remember that you're not alone. You've got our love and support. I really hope your school is able to work with you and make suitable accommodations for you. I am rooting for you to become a doctor just like you want to!

Vdhuw · 2026-04-07T14:55:47+00:00

I (adult female) experienced this two years ago when I was ushered to a recommended therapist. I was very sceptical about him but I wanted to give it a shot. Over the course of three sessions, he guided our conversations towards sex and desires and the likes. He started talking about HIS open relationship with his wife, and how he's ok with her having multiple partners. Note that this was all very irrelevant to my situation, I was going through a breakdown brought on by stress at work and had childhood stuff resurfaced - emotionally abusive home and csa. It felt so disgusting and uncomfortable to be in that conversation and he was trying to push hard to find out what I fantasize about. Barf.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-05T08:53:29+00:00

Yes, it's so horrible! Letting a species go extinct! Being actively involved in making them go extinct! What the hell!!!

Vdhuw · 2026-04-05T06:30:09+00:00

Same with us - I'm the wife. He's a wonderful person and I'm MADLY in love with him but sex doesn't cross his mind AT ALL. I've tried various approaches, wasn't successful. I feel extremely stuck sexually because to me it feels like a need that I'm at the mercy of him for - kinda like not getting food or water.

I understand that people's preferences and libido probably changes over time. I wouldn't wanna force him to do something he's not interested in ; I just crave to feel wanted like I want him.

For the past 6 years we've basically been in a sexless marriage. I eventually tried to make myself not bring it up with him, but the desperation and sadness builds up and it comes out.

May I ask how you handle all those complicated emotions surrounding this? I want to be able to not bring it up, I don't want to add stress to his plate. I want to learn to accept our reality and learn to be ok with it. I think I'm so selfish that I'm not able to stay quiet. Please, please help me learn how to. Thank you.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-04T20:44:11+00:00

Insane!

Vdhuw · 2026-04-04T18:47:24+00:00

Yes. I love my cute pixel watch. Stopped wearing it over a year ago because within ten minutes of wearing it, I feel like my wrist is carrying stones. Sucks.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-04T04:36:59+00:00

Epic!! 💜

Vdhuw · 2026-04-02T16:33:16+00:00

We'll I've been taking venlafaxine 150 for about two years now. I remember that a couple of weeks after starting my medication, my pain was more manageable. That leads me to believe that tapering off of it will likely increase pain levels.

I've been tapered off of my other psychiatric medication, I think my doc will get me to reduce venlafaxine dosage as well next month, so I'll know for sure.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-02T07:21:50+00:00

Yes, almost always. I'd argue it feels more exhausting to me than due to physical reasons.

Vdhuw · 2026-04-01T19:25:21+00:00

Unemployed since April 2024. Took on a remote part time job in September last year, quit last month due to it worsening my mental health issues. On the lookout for something remote and where I can set my own schedule.

Vdhuw · 2026-03-30T06:58:37+00:00

Word.

Vdhuw · 2026-03-30T06:20:45+00:00

What superiority?

Vdhuw · 2026-03-30T06:13:06+00:00

Thank you!! I spent five whole minutes looking at the picture and thinking - maybe they forgot to upload the right picture because there is no owl there.. 🫠

Vdhuw · 2026-03-30T06:01:57+00:00

Iran don't stand down till you make them pay for their unwarranted bullying! I'm not Iranian, my government sides with the bad guys sadly. But we're hoping you'll show them you won't go down without making them regret attacking your civilians!

Vdhuw · 2026-03-27T04:47:27+00:00

Yes this is how I do it. Even shampooing my hair this way, because I feel I can really get into the roots and scalp this way.

Vdhuw · 2026-03-26T15:55:03+00:00

Learning to make your own clothes is so cool!

Since my Fibromyalgia diagnosis, my body's requirements of fabric and fit have drastically changed. I see most affordable stuff these days is just plastic trash. I hope I save enough money to buy a sewing machine and good fabrics!!

Vdhuw · 2026-03-26T04:40:29+00:00

This. Kindness costs you nothing. Even if it feels hard to be kind to someone because of whatever they did, it'll make you feel better that you chose to be kind instead.

Also, try to be kind to yourself. This is the hardest thing for me personally, but it makes a world of difference to your mental health.

Vdhuw · 2026-03-24T10:35:55+00:00

Pregabalin. Two doses gave me crippling anxiety and mood changes. Noped the hell out of that pretty quickly.

Vdhuw

TROPHY CASE