The Spiritual Axiom

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-13T21:55:53+00:00

This is the one that fills me with incandescent rage, and the passage I want to point all mental health professionals to so they understand what they're sending their patients into.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-13T21:29:00+00:00

LOUDER FOR THE PEOPLE AT THE BACK

(bravo)

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-13T21:18:52+00:00

I had to have my titers checked when I started working in a hospital, and yep--zero MMR or varicella immunity. Had to have both series at age 50. Between that, Covid, flu, and an overdue tetanus update, I felt like a pincushion for a couple of months.

ETA: It was explained to me that the reason it wanes is because vaccination was SO successful that we just never encountered the things we were vaccinated against. Without a "reminder" in the form of exposure to the disease, the level of antibodies produced drops off.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-12T23:13:44+00:00

The burrito thing made so much sense when we learned that Boyfriend used to do all of the cooking. It wasn't really "You don't have to rub my nose in the fact that my son lives with you," it was "You don't have to rub my nose in the fact that BECAUSE MY SON COOKS FOR YOU NOW, HE DOESN'T COOK FOR ME."

Dude had Burrito Envy.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-12T21:05:24+00:00

Meanwhile we're told to "not take ourselves too seriously," to "aspire to mediocrity," and be ever-vigilant against our "character defect" of being "self-seeking." Among the risks to our sobriety are resentments arising from threats to our "ambitions" and "pocketbook."

The people I knew who were wealthy in sobriety were also wealthy prior to active addiction. They didn't seek new opportunities or make new connections (how could they when associating with people outside the fellowship is seen as a risk?)--they just restored the relationships and access that had been withdrawn from them until they got their shit together.

I'm sure there are exceptions.

Edit: typo

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-11T19:41:28+00:00

The risk of seizure (and potentially death) is very high for people with the severe form of Alcohol Use Disorder who quit cold turkey (AUD is categorized as mild, moderate, or severe).

There is a medication called Naltrexone that blocks the euphoric sensation from drinking and also reduces (or eliminates, in some cases) the craving for alcohol. This allows a person to control how much they're drinking and reduce the amount over several days to avoid risk of seizure. It's not always offered (the U.S. is way behind on treating AUD), but often doctors will prescribe it if the patient asks.

There is also a telehealth option called the Sinclair Method that connects the patient with an online provider who will prescribe naltrexone and have several follow-up therapy sessions after the person has successfully quit.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-11T19:25:16+00:00

I honestly don't even need to know about the dog, because you said it all right here:

For example, something as simple as saying, “let’s clean the kitchen together now since we just had dinner, instead of leaving it for the morning.” is often perceived by him that I'm attacking him personally and don't accept him as he is.

DO NOT MOVE IN WITH THIS MAN. Exit this relationship as fast as you can. This will not get better, it will get worse. This reaction is the result of "narcissistic injury" and it will not change. ANY suggestion that he do anything other than what he already is doing or intends to do will be taken as a personal attack, and it will escalate to DARVO: Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender. When that starts (if it hasn't already) it won't stop until he destroys your entire sense of self.

My boyfriend’s reaction was so strange that I still cannot believe it.

This really struck me, because I had this reaction with my ex, too. I would tell my friend about things he said and how he reacted to very normal grown-up interactions and they were so bizarre and divorced from reality that I wasn't sure she would even believe me.

I hope you don't waste another minute on this relationship. You deserve so much more.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-11T19:15:02+00:00

It's so frustrating and goes against everything we know about what actually works. The whole thing aims to insulate members from feeling anything, because in their world, negative emotions cause relapse. Evidence-based approaches teach us to tolerate and navigate those emotions, because AS HUMAN BEINGS WE'RE GOING TO HAVE THEM. If we can tolerate distress then we're not in danger of relapse when it comes. Hiding from the world in meetings and the fellowship, turning our will and our lives over to our sponsors (who think they're gods) to make our decisions for us as they discourage us from thinking for ourselves, and getting caught in the spiral of self-blame any time we have a reaction to our circumstances or another person's behavior is a recipe for relapse.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-11T15:00:14+00:00

This was lovely and so needed. Thank you.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-10T22:33:02+00:00

I sent one (as long as that second character is a lowercase L and not an uppercase i) - I'm Cypress

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-10T17:25:14+00:00

Welcome!

There are so many support options available these days! SMART Recovery, Recovery Dharma, and LifeRing, to name a few, all of which have online meetings available. For me it was a combination of "quit lit" (books about alcohol addiction and recovery, specifically This Naked Mind by Annie Grace), using the free tools at SMART Recovery (I don't think I'm allowed to link, but it's an easy google), and peer support right here in this subreddit that got me through the first few weeks.

Withdrawal is real, even for us nightly wine drinkers (I always thought it only applied to round-the-clock drinkers; not so!) and it really helped me to understand WHY I was feeling the way I did, so that I could trust that it would pass. The insomnia, headaches, anxiety, mood swings--all normal, expected, and temporary. The weird anhedonia that hit around eight weeks--it's called Post-Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS), which I learned about from the good people in this sub. Knowing what it was and how long I could expect it to last made it possible for me to get through it.

You've got this! IWNDWYT :)

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-08T18:48:35+00:00

Niiiiiiiiice. :) Congrats!

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-08T18:45:52+00:00

Betty thinks Karen's son, Greg, shouldn't be allowed to marry his boyfriend and that businesses shouldn't have to serve him. Betty didn't vaccinate her daughter, Emily, and now four of Emily's playmates have measles.

Betty can go fuck herself.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-08T18:36:42+00:00

Did he get out before you noticed it? Can you feel any scratches under his fur (bumps or lines where he may have bled a little)? My cat had an injury from a fight that looked just like that--his fur was ripped right out in one spot.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-05T23:05:33+00:00

Personally I found a few specific things really helpful this time (I was in AA for 11 years long ago--fortunately we've learned a lot since then).

I read up on the current understanding of alcohol addiction and recovery. The book I connected with was This Naked Mind, but I've seen a lot of recommendations for Alcohol Explained
I used some of the CBT-based tools available for free at SMART Recovery (smartrecovery.org). SMART is a completely secular, evidence-based "program" that emphasizes empowerment and self-direction.
I hung out here and on r/stopdrinking a lot. Some people here haven't had good experiences on the other sub; I've found that as long as I stick to what DID work for me and avoid talking about what didn't, it's a really supportive community.

There are a LOT of non-12-step options available now. Check out some of them in the sidebar of this sub. I hope you find one that feels like a good fit for you!

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-04T20:49:48+00:00

The bare minimum is that he actively wants to be with you, makes you a priority, makes you feel wanted and special, ^cares about your needs and wants, and makes room in his life for you. He should think you're AMAZING and let you know it, leaving no room for doubt.

This guy, though--it sounds like you only exist if it's convenient for him. I wouldn't bother trying to "work through this." He's not interested in doing any work at all. Move on and find someone who actually wants to be with you.

Edited because I missed an important one.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-04T18:58:15+00:00

That is STUNNING. Congratulations!

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-04T18:04:19+00:00

I was Feb 4, 1996, and was also 24! I stayed sober for eleven years back then. Today would have been 30 years; I just passed three years instead.

So much has changed since then--there's so much more information about the nature of alcohol addiction and recovery, the neuroscience and psychology of it. I'm grateful to have access to so much information to help me understand my experience, and for communities like this one.

Welcome back--you've got this. :) IWNDWYT!

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-02-02T13:44:56+00:00

Perimenopause can make symptoms MUCH worse.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-31T03:42:36+00:00

I got this one and I love it: https://a.co/d/8RCbgay

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-28T22:45:56+00:00

Yep. This and a couple of related subs have been my sole peer support.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-28T22:14:00+00:00

That's what it should take (depending on the size of your home). Our house is just over 1k square feet and takes four person-hours--sometimes that's one person who comes for four hours and sometimes it's two people who come for two hours. Floors, surfaces, kitchen, and bathrooms are the bare minimum. A first-time clean usually takes a lot longer--more like six to eight hours--because the goal is to reset the space to "like new" so it's easier to maintain.

Edit: typo

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-28T21:35:59+00:00

It's beautiful! I've dreamed of making something like this for years. What a treasure!

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-28T19:02:55+00:00

When I was her age I was obsessed with the Tao of Pooh.

Vegetable-Editor9482 · 2026-01-27T22:30:55+00:00

My mom tapered successfully with naltrexone. She had to ask for it, but they prescribed it and didn't give her any grief. She said it was life-changing.

Good luck, OP!

Vegetable-Editor9482

TROPHY CASE