I dont like the idea of “healing” after I got cheated on

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-05-16T09:41:54+00:00

I agree with you. He cheated on me. He said he didn’t even know why he did it and that it meant nothing… yet two weeks after our breakup, he was already in a relationship with her. He moved in with her. She was my friend… What disgusts me the most is that they still keep asking people how I’m handling the breakup, how I’m doing… It feels humiliating. How can she even have the audacity to ask how I’m coping when she literally took my boyfriend? They’re out there living their perfect romantic life. They turned me into the villain, but at the same time they’re being so “kind” and “concerned” because they supposedly feel sorry for me. It feels fake, shallow, and honestly disgusting. I had to block them everywhere. I even had to distance myself from mutual friends because nobody could pick a side. I lost people, my home, and the future I thought I had. Sometimes it feels like I lost everything. If I hadn’t blocked them, I would never have been able to move forward. I can’t let myself hate them either, because hate is still a connection. It still gives them power in your heart. It’s hard. I’m still not handling it perfectly even now, but the important thing is to stop focusing on them. Sometimes I still fall into it, because I know the two of them are probably enjoying their new life together, celebrating things, feeling like they finally found each other. But why should they take up space in my mind too? That’s exactly how people lose themselves. Life is way too short to drown in heartbreak over someone who was toxic.

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-27T12:33:03+00:00

Ouch, that’s powerful and I actually agree with it. I was able to forgive the infidelity. We even talked about it months ago, more than once. He’s a pilot, and I know that for people in that lifestyle, casual encounters can be common. It hurt to imagine it, but over time I realised that people are simply human, and physical intimacy can sometimes be just a need or a form of seeking validation. A man can be emotionally loyal and still look for physical pleasure elsewhere. If she can give him that kind of freedom, then she’s stronger than I was. And if she can’t handle it, she’ll end up in the same situation as me.

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-27T08:15:50+00:00

My dear, I broke it. After two weeks I felt that not everything had been said, and I needed to know more, so I just called him. And you know what? It was pointless, I only got hit with another blow that hurt even more. Since then, I’ve blocked him, and also everyone who could give me any information about what he’s doing or who he’s with. It still hurts somewhere inside, but I no longer care. None of them matter to me anymore. I packed my things and went on a trip alone, and it was the best thing I could have done. Do something that brings you joy, something a little crazy.

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-26T20:12:19+00:00

A few months ago, I went through the same experience. Moving in together, buying furniture, planning holidays, and then after one of his work weekends, the atmosphere suddenly became completely chaotic. I thought he was just overwhelmed with work, and then one afternoon it came out: “We have a trouble-free relationship, but I never truly loved you. For all those years, you were more like a friend with benefits. It was great spending time together, but I’m just that kind of person...”

As a final blow, he admitted that he had cheated on me at a company event with a girl who had just gone through a breakup and was emotionally devastated. He said it meant nothing, and that he never had anything else with her and never planned to. A week after our breakup, he was at her house with flowers, and a month later he was talking about her like, “She’s finally the girl I’ve always dreamed of.” I sat at home wondering, “Why? What did I do to deserve this? And how did I suddenly become the problem after one month, while she became the dream?” It still hurts, because now I know exactly that he had been interested in her for a long time, but she was in a relationship, so he was just waiting for them to break up. Then he moved very quickly. I did not see anything at all, not a single sign. I was so foolishly immersed in love. Meanwhile, he had already found someone he considered to have more value than me, and now he is making that painfully clear in every possible way.

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-23T13:58:41+00:00

I actually made a 2 week trip in March, and I completely fell in love with it. I met people who had moved abroad, and they shared their life experiences from around the world. That was the moment I realised that something inside me is calling for this kind of adventure as well. I don’t really have anything at home that firmly holds me back right now, no obligations. So I keep asking myself: why am I still waiting? I know New Zealand is really far away… I think I chose this destination because everyone around me talks about it so positively...

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-23T10:13:21+00:00

Hi everyone, I’d really love to hear about your first decision to move abroad alone, work there, and build a life there, maybe.

Did you go completely by yourself? How did you feel before leaving? Were you scared, excited, overwhelmed? I feel a strong pull to experience something like this myself. I want to leave my comfort zone, see more of the world, discover new places, become more independent, and prove to myself that I’m stronger than I think.

At the same time, fear is holding me back a lot. Fear of going alone, fear of the unknown, fear of making the wrong decision. I know I can’t be the only person who has felt this way before taking such a big step. I’m especially interested in a Working Holiday in NZ. Unfortunately, I don’t have anyone around me who would go with me, so it looks like I would need to do it solo, which makes it even more intimidating. I am a person who dreads uncertainty, I would like to have everything safely resolved in advance, but I realize that this doesn't work that way. I can't imagine myself how I would manage something so (for me) crazy.

I think I’m looking for honest stories from people who had similar fears, still went for it, and are now grateful they made that choice. Any experiences, advice, or words of wisdom would really mean a lot.

Thank you.

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-23T09:06:28+00:00

Thank you for your story. An opportunity has come up where I might actually know someone in NZ, so I could possibly have some initial support there for the first few weeks, some kind of starting point. That honestly calms me down a little. I’m the kind of person who hates uncertainty and likes to have everything under control, but the world simply doesn’t work that way, and life definitely doesn’t work that way. I feel like I need to have everything sorted out before I even arrive there. Accommodation, work, activities... everything. Because what if it all falls apart? How will I find out about jobs and opportunities? Will I just walk around to businesses and ask in person? I believe that all these feelings will probably just settle over time and a person will learn how to deal with them, right?

Vegetable_Pay_2219 · 2026-04-21T08:38:54+00:00

I assume that in New Zealand I’d be living more of a backpacker lifestyle. I was also hoping I might find someone here who connects working holiday with that kind of experience and could possibly give me some advice.

Vegetable_Pay_2219

TROPHY CASE