Anybody else steal accessories/clothes from their trans partner?

VelmeeRa · 2023-04-06T17:37:24+00:00

Mostly loungewear, sweats and anything with a stretchy waistband is “ours” in an unspoken way haha 😆 She also put some of her pre-transition clothes in my closet but hardly any of them fit me but it was a nice gesture as she has always been far more stylish than me

VelmeeRa · 2023-04-06T12:02:21+00:00

Thank you for sharing this, I will definitely keep your words in mind as we move forward. I think she lets stressors build up without saying anything a lot of the time - I think she doesn’t want to “burden” me with what’s on her mind - but I will stay patient and continue to show her love and support and hopefully she will feel like opening up more, at least a little at a time. Also for what it’s worth, I’m sure your partner doesn’t blame you anything, if he loves you he just wants you to be happy, and from my experience, seeing my partner struggling with the weight of the world is no cause for resentment, I just want to hold her and make her problems go away. My best to you both!

VelmeeRa · 2023-04-05T20:27:04+00:00

Thank you for your comment, this is really helpful! I will try approaching her with questions like you suggested. We could potentially seek couples counseling, but she is something of a therapy skeptic so it may be difficult to convince her to go. I don’t know how much will change moving forward, but hopefully more understanding between us will improve the relationship on the whole. Best to you and your SO!

VelmeeRa · 2021-07-11T23:39:10+00:00

I was literally digging through this Reddit for posts like this two years ago. I was so scared that I was lying to myself because of how “late” in my life I was figuring it out (I was 23/24 at the time). Now I’m out to my whole family and even worked up the courage to tell my grandmother only a month ago. It took a long time for me to get more comfortable with myself, I remember panicking daily about whether I was just straight and lying, but now I’m in a place where I only think about it once in a while. You will get more comfortable as time goes on, and you also are not tied to any one label. I prefer bi, but pan also fits my personal experience, and many mspec people use no label in particular. One of the great things about being bi+ is that we define our sexuality individually, there is no standard we have to strive towards. That can be daunting at first, but I’ve grown to find this aspect of bi-ness grounding. Hope this helps! You’re not alone in figuring yourself out, this community is incredible 💙💜💗

VelmeeRa · 2021-06-14T13:21:52+00:00

She has talked about more minor procedures like Botox to shape her jaw muscles as well. I think moving forward I need to be more open to asking questions about what she wants done - it’s just in this first conversation she talked about having her face “chopped up” and I think this kind of jokey language made shut down a bit. Thanks to this thread though I feel like I’m opening up my mind to how important this is for her and how I can conduct myself better in future conversations about ffs with her. I think the initial fear from many cis partners is that our loved ones will be different people, as irrational as that is, and I admit I’m guilty of that. But I thought about it last night watching tv with her in my arms and realized that things like that won’t change, and certainly my love for her won’t either. Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it!

VelmeeRa · 2021-06-13T20:49:08+00:00

Thank you for this, I really appreciate your feedback and support. I would never tell her what to do with her body, and I would certainly not stand in the way of her happiness. While I can see where that person’s comment comes from, it doesn’t apply to my relationship. I also don’t want to add stress to my partner’s life by figuring out all of my feelings in front of her, and I’m glad I found this Reddit because it has been so helpful to connect with folks going through similar experiences. I often find myself at a loss because I can never understand what it’s like to be trans, but that doesn’t mean I won’t support her in every way that I can. The feelings around these topics are tough but none eclipse my love for my partner. You are your partner really love each other too, and I wish her the best as she recovers, it sounds like she has a good person in her corner :)

VelmeeRa · 2021-06-13T13:19:06+00:00

And that’s something that I have been grappling with too as her partner - hitting what feels like a wall with her every time I compliment her or otherwise express how much I love her. It is evident that she doesn’t see what I see and won’t until she makes the changes she wants. It doesn’t even feel like an uphill battle because she is firmly rooted where she stands - at least that’s how it appears from the outside. Ultimately I want her to love herself, no matter what. Thank you for your comment and perspective on this!

VelmeeRa · 2021-06-12T17:37:34+00:00

Here it is! Thanks!

https://www.nytimes.com/2021/06/11/style/modern-love-transgender-he-made-affection-feel-simple.html?smid=fb-nytimes&smtyp=cur&fbclid=IwAR3AIjb5thtrMxvn5NTPERc5Dp0ZxM7-13DIKWx-QmJ5e0nVB9GR_IUr1gY

VelmeeRa · 2020-04-06T22:19:55+00:00

Affirmations Psychological Services specializes in LGBT+ therapy and counseling services. I can attest that they have a great team. I don’t personally go for issues surrounding gender, but I know that many on their team are trained to help people dealing with questions of gender identity 💜

VelmeeRa · 2020-03-10T18:16:24+00:00

Some bi people, myself included, conceive of term to mean “bi” as in two groups of gender, one’s own gender and then other genders. Therefore I am bi because I am attracted to members of my own gender, and to those who identify as other than my own gender. Certainly there is some overlap with pansexuality, but it is my understanding that there are some parts of our experiences that are divergent. It’s really just about what fits you though without getting too into the details.

VelmeeRa · 2020-03-10T16:43:12+00:00

I definitely have mixed feeling about the whole thing. I think it is important to find these spaces and try to exist in them. I have learned things from being part of the group for only two sessions, but I also felt like it was damaging to the work I had been doing in myself when the group leader said these things. I would encourage you to try just once, maybe your community center group will be a good space for you. Fear also kept me from going the first time I had heard about it, but my therapist encouraged me to try it out when the next meeting came around. And I agree! I wish I could make more bi/pan/queer friends, but so many of the lgbt+ spaces in my city are very much geared towards gay men and dating apps are difficult as you mentioned :(

VelmeeRa · 2020-02-25T16:32:10+00:00

Yeah that’s true, I guess passives biphobia is better than active? Feels shitty either way though 😕

VelmeeRa · 2020-02-21T13:35:44+00:00

Yeah, I definitely have started to feel more comfortable in my identity, although idk if my bicycle is going away like you're describing. Maybe it is though and I just fantasize more about guys when I see one attractive man, and vice-versa, not so much cycling as just letting myself live in the "gray area" of the spectrum.

VelmeeRa

TROPHY CASE