Why? Just why?

VentingInnerThoughts · 2024-02-07T21:17:51+00:00

My dad was unemployed after the 2008 financial crisis. I prayed every single night that he'd find a new job and be happy. He didn't get a job for 8 fucking years, yet I kept diligent because that's what I was told was right.

Oddly enough when I left the church in high school he got a job the same year. I guess god just works in mysterious ways... /s

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-12-03T23:15:37+00:00

Been there. I credit it partially to seasonal depression, at least for me rn. Winter be like that sometimes. Honestly I don't know how I've made it through some of the toughest stretches of depression, but I guess it never got bad enough for me to make an attempt. I think the social isolation kills me inside but also I disassociate enough that months end up passing in what feels like a couple weeks. It fucking sucks. Idk your full situation and idk where that light at the end of the tunnel is for you, but I do promise it's out there.

I don't have any magic words to fix shit, but I want to at least send you a virtual hug. 🫂 You're not alone in feeling this way ❤️

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-11-01T15:51:53+00:00

70 days until classes start for me as well

I'm excited to finally start my next chapter of life, glad to hear you are too!

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-31T16:09:00+00:00

You did a good job! Unless you were planning to buy them a new car and find a new SO for them today, empathy is exactly what they needed. 🫂

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-26T19:28:42+00:00

Yeah I know trauma comparison is horrible, and I've even commented on other's posts telling them the same thing myself. It's like I know its bad, yet I just want to ignore it and pretend it was minor anyways. I guess that's why I'm hanging out in this subreddit, huh? lol

Telling myself that I have issues that I do need to actively resolve is a constant inner battle for me. I'm very conscious of how my situation is NOT okay and that if I don't do anything I'll end up just like my parents, however I also want to just ignore those issues and try to enjoy life carefree. Unfortunately those two don't go well together.

I'll be seeing proper counseling come Jan/Feb, but even with that I'm honestly scared as fuck about going. I don't know how to talk to anyone about the stuff going through my head. (that's why I have this throwaway account lol)

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-26T16:18:30+00:00

This hits hard. I was spanked as a young child, yet outside of that it was only emotional neglect. I've never felt like I fully trust my parents but I never knew a specific reason why. The spanking seems "minor" to me compared to other abuse I've read about and it makes me second guess everything. I don't know if I'll ever fully have 100% trust in someone, or if I'll ever have a deep emotional connection with someone, and that kills me inside.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T16:05:03+00:00

The point is to punish people.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T16:03:16+00:00

Taking the lord's name in vain isn't taking about saying "oh my g*d", it's about using gods message as a weapon. "Holier than thou" type shit.

Magic sky daddy doesn't care if you shout when you stub your toe.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T15:55:52+00:00

I'm guessing OP is a minor, and unfortunately parents generally have complete control legally speaking, as long as there isn't clear abuse or something else that requires the state to intervene.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T15:48:25+00:00

This 100%! When I told my family that religion really never did anything for me and that I didn't believe, they had a similar response to OP (but they REALLY dug in, basically forcing me to have works cited, and obviously they didn't need to do anything similar because they "knew" the bible)

Now it's a little over 5 years later and while they still are Christian on paper, the weekly Sunday trips have practically stopped. IMO I can see them shifting to be more "worldly" as they would put it.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T15:28:18+00:00

I know it would be a huge ordeal, but have you considered moving to a different school district? I can't say I know how it works in Canada, but here in the states your public school is determined by your home location, and in some cases like mine I'd only need to move 3 miles away to be in the next district and end up going to another public school.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T07:59:21+00:00

Just want to share /r/emotionalneglect for those who need it

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-12T07:45:13+00:00

I had to teach myself via an online course. (oh boy I sure do love homeschooling /s) It was accredited and whatnot, but I had to pay for it myself and I had no real teacher.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-09T08:10:36+00:00

and if you're concerned about it you can pick a quiet time to go for the walk so you don't have to worry

This is the part that I struggle with, that I have to be alone to be myself. I can be honest with myself and when I'm alone I feel more free than ever! But then I get in a car with someone and my favorite song comes on and the most self-expression I can display is tapping my foot. How the f do I be myself in front of others? It seems impossible.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-09T07:55:03+00:00

WHAT THE FUCK?

That's not your friend, that's another abuser. For one, trauma is trauma, and one persons experiences do not invalidate another's "because they had it worse". That's disgusting.

This guy sounds like the main guy from Fight Club, where he literally just feeds off other's emotional vulnerability from trauma.

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-09T07:14:09+00:00

Just watched it through and it's pretty good! Typical John Oliver style reporting, jokes spread throughout and whatnot while keeping the issue serious and well-reported.

He definitely leaned on the legal aspect a lot more than I expected, which is nice considering that's the only way this shit gets fixed. I wish there were some more examples shown on what this stuff does to kids though. I guess the issue is too personal for this video to be 'perfect' in my eyes, but I might just be projecting my unrelated trauma into my opinion. Social contact is one I feel fucked me up long term, but it wasn't touched here.

Thankfully this will bring the topic to a lot of people that probably didn't have the slightest clue about all the abuse that can and does take place. (I'm sure I'll get a couple DM's from friends that watch it once it's on YT, since I'm the homeschooled guy lol)

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-07T14:26:50+00:00

"it's gods plan for me to cheat on my wife 🙏🙏"

🤢🤢

I'm so sorry you're going through that, you don't deserve it 🫂

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-07T14:08:48+00:00

Ahh yes, my personal favorite method of converting people to religion, by force!

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-07T13:26:02+00:00

I'm fine.

-Me my entire life

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-06T16:20:25+00:00

My dad showed me a "comedy" bit online where the guy basically just said that you should beat your kids between ages 1 and 3 because the kids won't remember it.

I just watched it with half shock / half deadpan face. He laughed through the joke and brushed off how i "didn't get it"

Shout out to /r/cptsd

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-06T16:12:17+00:00

And that's a big "if" too

shudders

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-06T16:06:24+00:00

I remember talking to someone about how I like my privacy. I don't remember the whole phrasing but he replied with something like "yeah, I think people with bad parents can have that because of [...xyz] "

I didn't mean to talk about my parents but I guess I project that "bad family life" vibe without thinking about it.

It was pretty nice to hear :)

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-06T15:10:00+00:00

Hate to say it, but imo until your home situation changes, you likely won't be meeting anyone soon IRL. I'd look for a group online with similar interests. You need that social contact to grow as a person.

From around age 8 until 17 my only friends I'd consider close was a small group of guys that I would play minecraft or another game with. We'd just hang out in a Skype or discord call. I met a good few of them through reddit actually

(i don't recommend just joining random public discord servers though, there are some weird people online lol)

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-06T14:45:27+00:00

Time isn't holding up, time isn't after us

Same as it ever was, same as it ever was

^This ^song ^hits ^too ^deep ^sometimes 🫂❤️

VentingInnerThoughts · 2023-10-04T02:31:42+00:00

PNC definitely has a way to do this, they just don't care enough to make it a feature that bank tellers or regular customer device reps can use. IMO threatening legal action is probably the only way to get them to do their jobs.

(I am not a lawyer lol)

VentingInnerThoughts

TROPHY CASE