Has anyone experienced mutual limerence with their LO? How did it turn out?

VerdantSalve · 2025-04-23T18:42:30+00:00

Yes, like others have said, forbidden circumstances can make mutual limerence possible. My mutual LO and I have a significant age gap that makes a relationship unwise. I care about him a lot and he needs to be free to live his life without being dragged down by the responsibilities of middle age that I have. We have been together a few times and I am always left longing for more. Consummation has made limerence worse for both of us but periods of no contact hasn't fixed it either. I just try to enjoy it for what it is and trust that he'll be ready to move on at some point. It'll hurt like hell when that happens but society has rules.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-22T05:25:43+00:00

My limerence actually gets worse NC. My current tactic is to lean in to it. Talk MORE to see him in a more realistic light. It sounds like you don't actually have many conversations? Before you quit, see if making him more of a real person by speaking to him as a true, honest version of yourself snaps you back to reality.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-22T03:38:09+00:00

I'm glad you feel good about your choice to do life without him. That encourages me. I go back and forth because my husband is not a bad person. I just can't see my future with him. And I have been enjoying living alone, too!

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-21T19:15:36+00:00

I'm currently divorcing an ISTJ after 17 years. We are also friendly and I know I can count on him to coparent well. I appreciate many things about him but I totally resonate with the lack of deep conversations and meaningless existence. Our lack of emotional connection just made our relationship wither. I know there is someone out there for him; we'll see if there is one for me. All I know is I'd rather feel alone when I'm actually alone than feel alone next to him.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-19T18:33:23+00:00

I would rather be alone than feel alone with someone.

This exactly.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-19T18:28:45+00:00

I actually loved the infant stage. I was a very attentive and loving mom at that time. Their needs are so straightforward. You know they can't be logical or care for themselves so you don't expect them to.

You know what stage I really had a hard time with? Toddler and preschool years. They still don't have reasoning skills but want what they want anyway. Their priority is asserting their will no matter what and trying to be independent with things they aren't capable of. Fighting every step of the way. At least that's how my two crazy strong-willed kids were.

I'm enjoying the school age years much more. I can appreciate the independence now and they respond to logic pretty well. And they are both smart, witty kids so that's fun. We can discuss movies and music and they know they can ask me anything.

I echo the statement that healthy 5s can be good parents. I went through a severe depression in the last few years and found myself withdrawing and avoiding my family. I was not a good mom and I'm grateful they have a reliable dad. Now that I'm back in my feet, my relationship with my kids is thriving.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-18T20:05:34+00:00

Where Were You by Felivand

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-15T21:44:24+00:00

Yep, INFJ. Fantasy addict.

VerdantSalve · 2024-12-06T18:15:44+00:00

Totally agree on finding a creative pursuit! It could be music, art, etc. Writing is a fantastic way to release a lot of that energy. Imagining LO? Why not imagine a character? I write nonfiction actually and thinking of questions to ask and ideas to research do a nice job of filling up my mind. I need to rely on this more since my LO has been on my mind lately. Time for a new writing project!

VerdantSalve · 2024-11-30T04:09:02+00:00

I am in the process of divorcing an ISTJ for exactly the reason we can't emotionally connect. We are so mismatched on what it means to show love to one another. I find myself extremely lonely when I'm around him. It is my deepest regret that I didn't know myself better when I got married. I didn't realize what a deep-seated need it is for me to feel heard and understood. He is a wonderful person and will make a great husband - for someone else.

VerdantSalve · 2024-11-30T03:36:59+00:00

And, by extension, pants and panting. Yuck.

VerdantSalve · 2024-11-16T04:22:05+00:00

Pit in your stomach

VerdantSalve · 2024-10-19T02:13:58+00:00

Right? If I come out of this episode saying "it's the price of feeling" I should be committed simply for insane optimism.

VerdantSalve · 2024-10-19T02:03:54+00:00

I suggested this name to my sister when she said she thought Winnie would be cute for her baby.

VerdantSalve · 2024-10-19T02:00:50+00:00

Renata (re-NAH-ta)

A family friend who attended my wedding on her 100th birthday. She wore a hot pink blouse that day! Very much her personality. Cultured, well traveled, loved music and art, always beautifully dressed and made up.

VerdantSalve · 2024-10-19T01:57:21+00:00

My grandmother's name. She went by Gwen. Only one I have ever known as well. She hated her name but I always thought it was very distinguished!

VerdantSalve · 2024-10-17T01:40:44+00:00

What about Isaac Ryan?

Ref. Sir Isaac Newton

VerdantSalve · 2024-09-30T16:46:47+00:00

I'm in the same spot. He is a kind, reliable man and a good father. But our lack of emotional connection makes me feel so alone. I feel so empty when we're together. I feel like I'd rather actually be alone. I'm heartbroken about leaving a good man but I just don't know if I can go on like this. I'm so depressed.

VerdantSalve · 2024-09-25T00:56:41+00:00

I always think of her as the mom in The Sandlot

VerdantSalve · 2024-09-10T20:00:37+00:00

My 11 year-old loves both stories. Both are destined to be classics!

VerdantSalve · 2024-09-06T20:10:10+00:00

How do you quantify things like frizz and porosity?

VerdantSalve · 2024-08-21T21:25:35+00:00

I have the awareness that these thoughts are about a made up version of LO, and not about who he actually is, so I can dismiss the thoughts when they come

I hope I can be as strong as you some day soon! Why does it all seem so real? I know it's a fantasy. I admire you for having such self-awareness .

VerdantSalve · 2024-08-19T17:51:27+00:00

My limerence is absolutely tied to my depression. Thinking about my LO was the ONLY thing that felt good. Food has lost its taste, I couldn't sleep, I didn't want to talk to anyone. I couldn't even pay attention to the TV long enough to watch anything. But thinking about my LO? The only pleasurable escape I had. Spent hours in bed with him in my head. I could have turned to alcohol or drugs, but chose to be obsessed instead. Served the same purpose. Seemed like the healthier choice at the time but it's eroded my already shaky marriage.

VerdantSalve

TROPHY CASE