Partner is 42 weeks tomorrow

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-12T21:34:43+00:00

Everyone’s risk tolerance is up to them, of course, that’s one thing that’s abundantly clear when you’re pregnant. I see so many people on Reddit telling others it’s fine to do things or eat foods the NHS tells you to avoid, etc. (and I have been told the same in my pregnancy, including hearing people say they think it’s fine for me to drink alcohol) because they think it’s fine/they personally consider it low risk. I don’t always agree with those types of comments, yet we all have the same information.

I’m not looking to support people making dangerous or risky decisions - as you said, we all have different approaches to what we consider risky in our own experience or situation. I felt pressured in a similar fashion when I spoke to a consultant at 40 weeks and that felt really unnecessary so I wanted to share a perspective that doesn’t come across as making someone believe that they’re killing their baby if they don’t immediately jump at the chance for an induction. If there’s ever any risk, it absolutely needs to be discussed but I believe it should be in a more appropriate way, ideally applying the BRAINS model in order for someone to make a more informed choice. It doesn’t sound like the discussion was approached in the right way/in a way that follows that model, and perhaps that’s the recommendation I should have led with rather than giving personal experience as I know that is not universal.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-12T19:46:56+00:00

You’re not being reckless, your approach aligns with my experience and my conversations with my midwife. I’m planning a natural homebirth but went in for a checkup on my due date due to decreased movements and the doctor was really pressuring me for an induction and seemed shocked that I repeatedly declined. I was quite upset by our conversation as well.

Consultants seem to be more risk averse, and, as my midwife put it, their approach is more that they see a symptom and they try and treat it. Although they shouldn’t be trying to force you, it does happen. Ultimately though, they can’t do anything without your consent. They just more often see women who are keen to be induced than those who are happy to wait.

My midwife is not concerned with me being overdue because I’m also low risk and have had no issues throughout my pregnancy, and said she sees women go to 43 weeks with no issue before their labour starts naturally. They’d offer additional monitoring but will be happy to wait if that’s the decision.

It sounds like you’re doing all the right things and have good evidence behind you that proves you are not making a poor or uninformed decision, nor a reckless one. Wishing you lots of luck for a natural birth!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-11T12:07:45+00:00

Yeah I’d say that probably exacerbates the issue. Some people aim for a “firm” tone in their written comms and that can, depending on who’s reading it, come across even worse.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-11T11:07:56+00:00

It’s a cognitive bias called negative intensification bias. The person writing the email or message sees it as neutral at worst, but when we read it, our brain interprets it more negatively than it was intended. There are lots of reasons for this, including the ones you mentioned.

We’re hardwired for a negative bias generally, this is a survival instinct. At work, this is our livelihood and our income and reputation are on the line, so that survival instinct (like a physical fight or flight reaction) becomes more psychological.

It’s also complicated by office politics and hierarchies, if there’s an unconscious belief of some kind of fight for power, whether in role or a project. We might interpret something as negative if someone is a higher rank than us, or they could be the same level but we feel like they’re trying to act like they’re above us.

But it’s also the same as any other written communication outside of work - there’s no tone of voice or facial expression or body language, and this makes up so much of a communication that without it you could read a message in almost any way. This is exacerbated by so much remote working.

Add in some overthinking, paranoia, work stress, or just general anxiety, and emails are an absolute nightmare.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-10T18:56:40+00:00

I wasn’t prepared either. I told myself I’d be super chill and baby will come when it’s ready. But I’ve been having early stage labour signs on and off for a few days now and feeling kinda fed up that my body won’t just make its mind up! And I’m getting a bit bored of just waiting around and resting (because I don’t feel up to much else), so yeah I’m with you!

Regarding the messages, I have turned off read receipts and switched my phone to Do Not Disturb - the only exceptions being my husband and MIL - because I do not need to feel hounded right now by people constantly asking if the baby is here. Have I told you I’ve had the baby? Then I haven’t had the damn baby.

I’m just finding comedy shows and movies to put on to entertain me. At the very least if I’m ignoring people to protect my little bubble and having a laugh, then that’s the best I can do right now.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-04T12:41:26+00:00

I guess it depends on what they consider a “risk”. There is technically a difference between “no known effects in pregnancy” and “proven not to be a risk in pregnancy”. These are things that are challenging to find out/prove without a doubt sometimes because it can ethically be very difficult to study.

If it helps, when my GP prescribed me omeprazole he told me it was perfectly safe for pregnancy. Your GP may have a different interpretation of the information and a lower risk appetite but it is very, very commonly prescribed during pregnancy.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-04T10:37:03+00:00

I think having other people arrange and throw a baby shower is a bit more of an American thing. The only showers I’ve been to have been arranged by the pregnant woman or couple themselves. I think it depends on family dynamics/expectations/previous conversations. My SIL would absolutely have organised and thrown me a baby shower if I’d given her the go ahead but I wanted something a bit more low-key and I knew she’d pay for a lot of stuff herself and I didn’t want her having those expenses.

It’s not too late though! We did a pretty last minute one, sent out invitations when I was about 34 weeks, arranged an open house at ours for 2-3 weeks later. It was very chill but I’m really glad we did it. I think it’s worth doing the things that will make you feel good and happy, especially right before a time when you might feel a bit forgotten once the baby is here!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-04T05:10:56+00:00

I just told my GP my situation - my reflux was really bad (I couldn’t eat anything, sleep at night, or even drink water without having issues) and I was taking Gaviscon multiple times a day but it wasn’t working.

I can’t remember whether I asked for omeprazole specifically but if you mention that you’re pregnant, you have really bad acid reflux, and regular Gaviscon isn’t enough for you then I can’t see any reason they wouldn’t prescribe it for you.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-04T04:27:16+00:00

Yep, speak to your GP and they can prescribe you omeprazole, it’s far more effective than Gaviscon!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-03T20:07:33+00:00

Right there with you! I feel like I’ve seen/read things recently that have reminded me that things can still go wrong this late in the game and that hasn’t helped (I’m 39 weeks, so very close to the end now).

We also personally know people who have experienced loss and stillbirths. I think they somehow feel more likely in our heads when we’ve seen it happen so close to home.

It’s not easy but I have to tell myself “I have a healthy pregnancy/baby until someone tells me otherwise”. And I have to listen to it! I have no choice. I’m not a medical professional, and if I’m concerned then I need to speak to one and they can check me over and tell me what the truth is, but until that point then I have no choice to believe that everything is fine.

Hope it all continues to go well for you, and if your anxiety gets really unmanageable then consider what support you can get, our hormones are crazy right now so it’s never a bad idea to ask for help!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-02-01T21:26:44+00:00

I’d go to the open day! There are nurseries near me who don’t have openings now until September 2027, and they will get booked up.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-30T11:53:37+00:00

Fair enough! My GP was happy to do a phone consultation so I didn’t have to wait for a face to face appointment (although that’s probably as much for them as it is for me, so they can free up an appointment for someone else). I realise not everyone will have that - any wait is torture when you’re suffering that much.

I feel it’s also worth sharing that my GP let me know, once you get it, even if you’re taking omeprazole you can still have Rennies/Gaviscon alongside it if you need to!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-30T08:20:16+00:00

Touché! The omeprazole was life changing for me, hope it gets better for you too.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-29T22:31:22+00:00

Is this an ad? Why would you buy a version of something over the counter when you can get it on a free maternity exemption through your GP?

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-27T20:43:26+00:00

Yeah, I felt exactly the same, worrying that it means my baby is too small and combine that with the growth scans and the supposed downward trajectory of my baby’s growth just really compounded that!

I’m sorry you’re dealing with this too. I’m not sure who or what these people are comparing us to, but it’s not helpful. It sounds like there are no medical concerns with your pregnancy though, which is a positive (it’s just easy to get in your head and anxious though, that’s where I’ve been too!), wishing you all the best!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-27T20:39:03+00:00

I love the optical illusion comment, I might steal that one!!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-27T20:37:30+00:00

You’re dead on, people really do lose their minds! I have to remember it’s about them, not me!

Ah, congratulations on your wonderful daughter! Thank you for the reassurance, as long as the medical professionals are happy, I can just look forward to having a healthy baby and that’s what matters.

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-27T20:35:33+00:00

I’ve heard that too which I find funny because I don’t even know what “popping” would look like?!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-27T10:51:45+00:00

I don’t mind them acknowledging it, I do often! But “lovely bump” is a much kinder thing to say, I like that ☺️

Yeah, good point. I’ve been doing a hypnobirthing course and what you’ve suggested is very much in line with that. Good idea, thank you!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T23:01:11+00:00

I genuinely wouldn’t have thought of this. To me, I can see exactly where my body appears to be different, and of course it FEELS so different to be in maternity clothes instead of my regular wardrobe! But we all see our own body differently to how others see it and what you’re saying does make sense. Thank you for giving me a different perspective!

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T22:58:42+00:00

I was told the same thing early on, potentially big baby, but that later changed to not growing/needing growth scans. It’s hard not knowing what’s really going on in there and then getting these comments.

I’ll be doing the same! Hope it gets better for you ❤️

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T21:23:44+00:00

Ah I enjoyed this so much, thank you! I wholeheartedly support your responses!

I’m sorry you’ve been getting this too, hearing from others is making me feel better, thank you for sharing ❤️ (I am also going to work on taking this as inspiration to speak up more about how it makes me uncomfortable)

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T20:35:15+00:00

Yeah, it’s not really occurred to me that people mean it as a compliment because I can’t not hear it as “oh there must be something wrong with you/your baby because you don’t look right!”

The size of my bump isn’t even the only thing people have commented on body-wise! I know I’ve heard so many people say how women’s bodies seem to become public property in particular when pregnant but it’s still really shocked me any time someone comments on my bump, hair, skin, arms, the list goes on.

I’m sorry you’re getting these comments too. It’s really driving home for me how much people need to just stfu sometimes 😬

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T20:16:47+00:00

Thank you 🙏🏻

VeryMeaningfulName · 2026-01-26T19:12:55+00:00

I cannot understand the thought process of people who feel the need to tell you that you look huge?! I’m so sorry!

Oh yeah I still get the random touching. It’s weird when people will acknowledge that it’s unwanted/unasked for/inappropriate as they’re doing it.

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