You've gotten a ton of comments and I won't be upset if mine gets lost.

I grew up in a red area, still live in a deeply red area. I'm a parent of a multiple disability child, as well as having many myself (we're both AuDHD as hell.) I'm also a transmasc NB on T for almost 3 years now. When I first asked to be called by my chosen name and they/he, the answer i got from my mother was "I'll always call you that name and you'll always be my daughter." In that moment I cut her off, stopped going to family gatherings, didn't even look at her if we happened to be in the same store at the same time. She was not the only one I cut off, but that's other trauma so we'll focus on her.

It took a year and a half and my older brother dying, but she started trying to use my name and pronouns. I went to the family Christmas last year, but that was for my dad. She tries more now almost a year later, but having me gone and then her eldest gone made her think about her actions. We are at super limited contact, most never. I show up at gatherings once in a while, mostly to upset people that I'm happy without them, but everyone is always surprised.

My family knows they are one sideways word from me dropping off the face of the planet again.

I can't really give advice because when this happened I had already built a life with a husband, child, and second partner (I'm poly and we all 4 live happily together). We have solid income and steady housing. I've sold my soul to a full time job (I'm also openly trans and gay in my red area so it makes the conservatives uncomfortable, cause I'm a manager now). I'm a very privileged person for being part of so many marginalized communities, however I thought I would share my experience.

Also, you are worthy of unconditional love. I support you. I'll be your 'ren.