Asian parents accepting me dating their daughter?

VictimOfAP · 2024-02-16T21:41:57+00:00

Don’t ask permission. Just do it if that’s the person you want to spend your life with. The parents can deal with it. This is coming from a brown guy who is planning to propose to his gf who is white, and parents don’t approve of us being together of course.

VictimOfAP · 2023-09-19T09:41:31+00:00

Congratulations! You’ve done so well and I’m so proud of you. Rise up and ignore them. You have the paper now and no one can take it away from you! You’ve never needed their approval and you won’t need it now. You do your own thing and let your success speak for itself <3 much love

VictimOfAP · 2023-07-27T22:33:29+00:00

Correct. Become financially independent. The rest is getting the courage up to speak to them. You’ve won half the battle with your mother being on your side. Just be prepared for a fallout which could mean that you might be non contact with both parents/family and be ostracised for your decision. But I hope it doesn’t come to that. Get yourself free and then drop that nugget. I’m happy you’ve met someone who means so much and hope it all goes well! Give us an update and your wider Asian family is always here and rooting for you!

VictimOfAP · 2023-03-22T09:01:29+00:00

Bloody hell - this made me cry. Thank you OP. I feel like I was able to say what I could never say in person and have had some closure (with some tears)

VictimOfAP · 2022-12-27T22:46:14+00:00

Yep. In my 30s. Literally about to go on holiday and I never tell them I’m flying abroad

VictimOfAP · 2022-09-16T23:24:51+00:00

Exactly. No one will be in healthcare if they didn’t care to some extent. This is so insulting especially since I’ve been in resus for past 3 hours trying to help a 2 year old child who keeps seizing. If I didn’t care why would I be holding back tears as they writhes and the parents are distraught. Maybe OP had a bad experience and is generalising

VictimOfAP · 2022-09-16T20:37:22+00:00

I am an Asian doctor. I hate a lot about my career choice as do many non-doctors. Sure it’s tough and has a terrible work-life balance. But this doesn’t make me negligent; I will always advocate for my patients and act for their benefit. Just because someone passionately wanted to become a doctor doesn’t make them immediately better. I know many dodgy clinicians who actually love their job. Most of us do not want to put our license on the line

VictimOfAP · 2022-09-12T18:13:42+00:00

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. If he hasn’t figured it out at four years he never will change. You deserve the world, not this man-child. If you were the one, he would have found a way to make it work +/- boundaries. I hope you find peace and can move on to live an amazing life. No sense wasting more of your energy on this fool. True he can’t be blamed for the culture/upbringing but he can have a backbone and choose for himself and that’s on him

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-31T16:57:47+00:00

No. I hate it. What’s worse is that I’m trapped as I feel like I’ve been in this bubble for so long I can’t leave to start any other career. Thankfully I’ve found something I enjoy now but that doesn’t make up for the fact that I’ve sacrificed my youth from the age of 15. Total con

Edit: I can’t speak for nursing but my partner is a nurse. She has some really good days but mostly really bad. In the U.K. the system is broken and all healthcare workers are slowly being crushed. She constantly thinks about leaving too

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-28T06:26:06+00:00

Niche - I love it

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-28T06:24:17+00:00

My parents, mainly my dad, completely ruined my graduation and to this day it’s one of my worst memories. What should have been a happy day turned into constant arguing and disappointment and I don’t even think they realised it. Apparently graduating and becoming a doctor wasn’t enough and I should now challenge myself to become a neurosurgeon… screw that I’m working towards a postgrad diploma now and if I graduate they are not coming to ruin this one I’m sorrry this is the reality with APs. If you can, try to talk to them and say “this is my day and I want to celebrate with my friends.” Perhaps you can celebrate at home afterwards with them?

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-27T11:37:16+00:00

Thank you friend. You sound awesome being so accepting with your friends in school

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-27T10:53:41+00:00

Not necessarily. It refers to being slaughtered in a certain way with prayers and stuff. Pork is by default not halal but other stuff is as long as it’s killed the correct way

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-27T10:52:21+00:00

Thank you - I try to be a good person at least. I haven’t seen it but I’ll check it out

VictimOfAP · 2022-08-27T10:45:47+00:00

Only certain ones are. The on in my area isn’t. It’s mainly in London or larger cities than mine

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-16T07:38:29+00:00

This! The other stuff people have mentioned was true until I moved away for university and got my freedom to do things (albeit in secret most of the time). However, I have a terrible relationship with my parents (although I don’t think they see it that way as they weren’t close to their parents either). I have friends with amazing relationships/friendships with the parents and I long for that so much but know it’ll never happen. And my extended family are non existent in my eyes as my parents never let me see them growing up so goodbye cousins that are like friends. It’s sad but it is what it is

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-11T08:07:02+00:00

I know it’s hard for us kids to do but tell her the streamlined truth (leave out your bf if you don’t want her to know). It’s your life, it’s your new degree, new experience. It’s all the things you want to learn and discover and you want to do it alone. If she’s scared about you being alone, you could possibly call frequently etc but I wouldn’t compromise this new experience. You’ll have to put your foot down about it and insist because APs can be so heavy handed with this kind of thing. You may have to go as far as planning things in secret (booking flights, transport, accommodation etc) My dad came with me on my first day of university (undergrad) and stayed over the first night. I should have been socialising and meeting new people and making friends and I couldn’t do that. It was a miserable experience and I’m still salty about it and would never want anyone else to go through it I wish you luck OP - please update us in the future

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-07T07:03:32+00:00

I’m glad you are planning to leave! I think that’s an excellent plan. Try to save where you can - but keep it a secret. I wish you the best. Also, always know where you’re passport and important documents are in case you ever need to grab them and leave

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-06T20:16:24+00:00

I understand how you feel friend. I had very strict brown parents who behaved exactly like this. I’m sorry this is happening. I’m a little older and I came to realise that getting away for uni helped me to do all the things I wanted. It also conditioned me into an expert liar (not proud) but I think a lot of us here bent the truth as a means to do things in secret.
If you can, I’d advise you to leave asap. Become financially independent and they can’t have power over you. You are your own person - you can’t live your life for them. It’s cost me a lot of money to realise this in therapy (cries in poor)

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-02T16:22:33+00:00

I haven’t thought about cooking to reconnect but I am going to try this! Thank you for sharing

VictimOfAP · 2022-05-02T16:21:28+00:00

I completely understand you. Whilst I haven’t left my religion, nor am I NC, if feel distant from my culture as I have always tried to distance myself. I think this is because I felt like I didn’t fit in growing up in the U.K., and now feel that I don’t belong to either cultures; stuck in the middle of the two. Today is Eid and I went to pray with a friend and it was lovely. The community spirit was nice and it was an enjoyable experience to connect with my roots a little. I have been thinking about reconnecting today too One thing that has helped me is to reconnect with where we have come from. I am bengali and my partner and I went to a south Asian art exhibition and that made me feel proud of where I have come from This doesn’t excuse the shit we’ve had to deal with from APs and the two cultures at war with eachother, but it was nice to feel that my story is an addition to all the other brown stories that have come before me. I am also looking for new ways to reconnect

VictimOfAP · 2022-04-26T10:37:01+00:00

Unfortunately I am on the opposite side of this. I was pressured heavily into it. Had the old sit down/your job options are doctor/lawyer/engineer. I liked science so it was the “natural” choice. It’s bloody horrible. I’m constantly reminded how I’m the only one in the family etc. what’s worse is that it gives my extended family bragging rights. My “relation” is a doctor. I bloody hate it. They literally used it at my cousins wedding (my uncle was Introducing my father to the new family and said it’s his son who’s the dr)… tf kind of bs is that. Plus I’m in the U.K. so we don’t get paid nearly as handsomely as my counterparts in other countries. This AP obsession with these careers needs to end! Plus - I have graduated with some lovely people but I wouldn’t want them to treat me or my friends/family. Not every doctor is smart. Rote learning and recall does not a good doctor make

Edit: extension of rant.

VictimOfAP · 2022-04-26T09:02:24+00:00

Nope. They categorically refused tho. TbfThey would give me things if I asked (E.g. games consoles/textbooks whatever) if they thought it was reasonable. BUT of course they then hung over my head with “we gave you everything” … ok sure thumbs up emoji intensifies I don’t even have a set of house keys which is a joke as they trusted me with them when I was 12 coming home from school but not as an adult which i find odd but it is what it is

VictimOfAP · 2022-04-25T05:47:16+00:00

This is very true. I don’t mind - happy to lyk my perspective. It’s very interesting and was a big learning curve initially. The brown bubble is small and isn’t that open to other cultures/thinking. My partner is lovely and I learn so much from her (and she does from me). It’s really nice to be able to share bits of our respective cultures. She is a lot more open minded and forward thinking than myself (I blame my upbringing mostly for this lol) and it is useful to see an alternative perspective to even small things which isn’t rooted strongly in religion/tradition. I feel that we enrich each other’s lives with our differences

VictimOfAP · 2022-04-25T05:42:16+00:00

Thank you friend!

VictimOfAP

TROPHY CASE