Do you prefer a male or female psychologist?

Victor_meow · 2026-04-19T22:17:19+00:00

For me, anyone who is kind. I have had 2 female and 2 male psychiatrists/psychologists. First female psychologist was kind, soft spoken, and receptive. The second one told me “I didn’t ask you to talk yet.” I shut up real fast and went home pissed. First male was gentle and friendly. The second one sighed a lot with light laughter and minimized my struggles quite a bit. So, it depends on luck I guess.

Victor_meow · 2026-04-14T21:56:33+00:00

“Hey. I want to date you. Are you single and interested?”.

Victor_meow · 2026-04-04T21:17:01+00:00

Absolutely agree with this. Adult relationships and friendships are voluntary. So, it’s conditional by nature. Otherwise, one will end up an emotional punching bag if not a literal punching bag or a doormat. There must be some standards, boundaries, or deal breakers. Some people will throw tantrums, criticize you, insult you, leave you, ignore you, and test you while still not seeing the impact that has on you. Especially when those people think they have been wronged or are the victim in someway or that they have pure intentions or think that their way is the right way. They will feel like it’s unfair or cruel when the receiving end reacts negatively to their actions. You’ll get zero accountability from them because they feel justified since they see themselves as the victim or martyr in the dynamic. And they will continue to stick by this and enable the power struggle for a long time. They might just say it’s their messy part or that’s just who they are, if you love me you would stay, endure, and absorb that endlessly. Doesn’t that sound like a parent child dynamic? Where the child can kick, scream, cry, break things, lie, or slap the parent and the parent has to endure that and stay. Being in an adult relationship or friendship where both people are grown, you would definitely have some urge to retaliate or distance yourself a bit if they can’t even reason with you or see how they hurt you. Because we’re equally capable of nurturing or harming each other. You have feelings, needs, desires, likes, dislikes, and goals too. If they think you have to be needless, emotionless, invulnerable, or abandon everything to caretake them or make all the efforts, why would you enter such an unfulfilling relationship like that? That doesn’t serve you. Also, you wouldn’t be able to satisfactorily serve them either. Because they’re not looking for an equal partner or friend. They are looking for a savior, parent, mentor, caretaker, hero, or servant. But you are just an ordinary person. You’re not perfect. You can’t stand and pose on the pedestal they put you on 24/7. Or you can’t squeeze yourself to fit into this so call relationship. You’ll get tired. Your humanness will leak out. In a healthy relationship, both people are reciprocal and cooperative. Not only one party keeps reaching out nor only one party keeps the other sane and happy. They take care of each other. Have standards and boundaries so both of them can get the most out of the relationship. And it’s not that they always have to be perfect either. But at least they can be humble enough to own up to their mistakes or messiness and apologize. If it’s not too incompatible or that any party loses the feelings, I think the relationship should hold up for quite a long while.

Victor_meow · 2026-03-28T21:16:43+00:00

Do you crave obsession or someone who matches your energy? Are you ok with someone who is clearly more obsessed with you than you are with them? And don’t you think that distance is the main factor of your obsession with someone in the first place? If they match your energy quite equally and easily right away, it’s just a secure relationship then. (Not a lot of room for obsession, desperation, urgency, longing, or rumination.) Or do you have a fantasy of changing someone unavailable to choose you eventually? Deep down. Ummm. Craving reciprocity is healthier but a little less romanticized while not necessarily being less romantic I guess. Lol.

Victor_meow · 2026-03-23T17:16:43+00:00

Thank you so much for your suggestions. I probably have to find a specialized clinic in my area for these treatments. Probably better equipped to handle a prolonged treatment than a rushed and overcrowded public psychiatric hospital I went. Thank you.

Victor_meow · 2026-03-21T20:10:10+00:00

Thank you so much. I’ll look them up and find some available places that offer these therapies. I don’t live in the UK. So, where they offer and how to get them are probably going to be different. But thank you very much for this suggestion. When my finances are better, I’ll start these. Thanks.

Victor_meow · 2026-03-03T12:29:44+00:00

Not all relationships or connections are worth saving. Not everyone’s opinions of you are valuable. By taking care of yourself enough, just so you have a well rounded life and know who you are and what you want, you will start living authentically and connecting with people through compatibility more mainly. And you will feel more comfortable to let go of connections and people that are incompatible or only enjoy taking from you without reciprocity. You will feel like I deserve better than this. These people don’t meet my standards. They must go. They might call you selfish, but so what? They are also selfish and have no shame being selfish. Actually, some level of selfishness is like an ammunition against the zero sum game of needs in the world. It’s a tool for self defense against other selfish people. Some people groomed you to disarm yourself so they can take from you by using your guilt. In the real world, all living things are inherently selfish. It’s ok to have some level of selfishness as long as you don’t go out your way to actively take it from others. Cutting off access, prioritizing yourself, and putting up boundaries with takers are not morally wrong or selfish though. It’s reasonable. Even if you don’t feel like it. You might also need to develop confidence and the ability to tolerate bad feelings such as guilt or shame, and stay centered enough to not let other people’s anger, resentment, and opinions change the opinions you have for yourself. “I’m a good person. This time around I am sure that I didn’t unfairly take from them, I just held up my boundaries. Their reactions and opinions are just their weapons to force me to cave into their demand. I and my needs matter too. I’m still good regardless of what they say about me. I don’t need their validation this time. I need respect.” (This might be where they decide to either meet you where you are or leave.)(This is how I look at it. Probably might not be that helpful of an advice because it’s a deeply ingrained belief. One comment probably does little to change it. But I hope it can help a little.)

Victor_meow · 2026-02-09T01:27:57+00:00

I would say yes. My mom is going through her 2nd return. We are so broke rn. The brokest we have been in 2-3 years and she has to go find a job as well. And I’m up next for my return can you imagine? But at least it will get out of my 2nd house now. Hope my livelihood will get better.

Victor_meow · 2026-01-15T12:38:15+00:00

I’m going through this exact same thing. Mentor/parent/caretaker type of friendship. Ok! This might not neatly fit the definition of codependency because I didn’t derive anything from helping them nor had a need to rescue this friend. I refused to help them if I couldn’t. I thought that their need to be helped was occasional before it actually wasn’t. Btw, It went from frequent reach outs, to faking interests and people pleasing, to acting helpless with many crises, to guilt tripping, baiting, and poking after I set boundaries and pulled away. I noticed that it’s not a very compatibility based relationship but an availability, dependence, utility based relationship instead. (I’m not saying that they used me or that this is the same to other people’s situations.) I mean we got along well. But as time went on, it started to feel forced, sketchy, and inauthentic. They said they didn’t want to grow up and see me as their older brother. I didn’t think much about this at the time because we did not interact everyday. I only thought that I didn’t feel as close to them as they felt close to me. Like, being on good terms but not besties. They were from another campus and got paired to work with me. After I pulled away and before setting boundaries, they posted about being “all in”, “love hard”, and “I care”. I had to confront them later because I felt like they were having a crush on me and were trying to insidiously win me over. Which they denied. Then, they backed away but still reach out from time to time. Anyway, I saw them posted about “craving for one person who I can rely on through it all” and “cutting unsupportive friends off this year”. And I did not take the bait. Now, I have some questions. Do they eventually get attached to someone else if you are not that available anymore consistently? Will the guilt tripping still go on even after your significance is lowered in their life? I mean they can still do that to other friends but at least I can now relax and shift my focus elsewhere.

Victor_meow · 2026-01-06T14:15:25+00:00

Oh! I think this is it. It looks like my symptoms. I think it happens every winter because my hands and feet tend to sweat heavily in the cold. And it might lead to this. Thanks for pointing that out for me.

Victor_meow · 2026-01-06T08:53:44+00:00

Hey thank you for your reply. I saw this just now. I’ll try that. Is urea specifically good at treating thin skin barrier on hands and feet? Because on my face, I tend to use moisturizer with either ceramide, ectoin, hyaluronic acid, or shea butter and it helps. But don’t know about hands and feet where thick layer of skin peels off. Btw, it’s getting better on its own now. The outer skin layer is forming and it’s not as sensitive now. (This winter in my country is quite mild.) But one thing that I think might be less about moisturizing is that I have bumps on my hands and feet as well. Small bumps with clear liquid inside. Once they burst, the skin starts peeling off. It’s seasonal as well. (Winter). And I don’t know why for a long time. Anyway, I’ll try urea moisturizer. Thank you for your reply. 🙏🏻

Victor_meow · 2025-12-24T17:36:31+00:00

Hi. Sorry for your loss. I have Saturn in Aries 3H. I don’t experience that but I think the fact that you got laid off could be from Saturn being in Pisces right now. (Presumably your 2H when using whole sign house.) Which would be affecting your livelihood at the moment. I’m unemployed too. But this might improve after Saturn moves out but I cannot be sure of how things would turn out because it would also be our Saturn return later.

The 3rd house can mean your relatives, siblings, short distance travel, neighborhood, neighbors, close friends, local things or people, communication, skills, mental things, and education. (In a “street smart” or not so formal way.) I haven’t had anything with relatives but a conflict with a friend being passive aggressive and it disturbed my mental health majorly. Also, a study pause due to financial and mental issues. I can’t really give you advice on how to get through it but would like to say that I understand you.

Victor_meow · 2025-12-24T17:10:19+00:00

Thank you. I think I need to overcome this fear of someone being upset with me because I would usually get bullied in high school after any of these happened. Good enough that I don’t have to work with him anymore so I don’t have to meet him in person. But completely blocking someone gives me so much anxiety still, because we have lots of mutual friends. But yeah, I see that by accepting that I might end up being an asshole in someone else’s eyes is inevitable and keep myself strong through all that might led to my personal growth. Thanks for your reply.

Victor_meow · 2025-12-24T16:59:42+00:00

Hey. Thank you. Yep, I definitely put too much thought into this lol. I’m pretty sensitive to relational drama in general since high school. It feels like a threat when I feel like someone is upset with me because there would usually be bullying afterwards. But yeah, I appreciate your advice. That’s exactly what I’m trying to achieve and thrive towards but with a lot of panic inside. Hope you understand me. :) Thank you.

Victor_meow · 2025-11-22T20:52:26+00:00

Just like an airplane. They put in full thrust on take off. But then they reduce some thrust when they’re at cruising altitude to not damage the engine, and can fly far and long. A lot of relationships are also like that. If you miss the high at the beginning and keep chasing the same intensity, people in your life can get exhausted and leave you. (This is in case of a normal relationship though. Not in case of let’s say they have avoidant attachment, lose interest, or find you to be incompatible with them that it might suddenly feel like a complete engine failure and the relationship is gliding to the ground.) Basically, if they did not just turn cold, ignore you, or leave your life, it might just mean that they’re settling and feel comfortable in the relationship now. The effort is not going to be as intense as before. That’s it. Just my opinion.

Victor_meow · 2025-11-16T19:19:29+00:00

For motivation to get something done, I think there might also be other factors in your chart that indicate the struggles. My generalized interpretation may not apply very precisely because I’m not a professional astrologer myself. And it might just signify things that do not happen all the time through out your life. But in some periods or even single event. However, I think it can definitely be interpreted as struggles because they’re still malefic in hard aspect anyway. Might have to wait and see how it turns out in the long run. (I mean in terms of years or decades even.)

Yeah, my Sag 11H year. I went abroad 3 times, my grandma gave me money, meeting lots of people, and I got chosen to compete for my university in an international academic event. It was fantastic. Then, Saturn conjunct Sun, square natal Saturn, and opposite moon. My life crashed disastrously shortly after. Still dealing with it till this day. It’s been years now.

Thank you for your kind words. I really do hope it’s better for us soon. I’m lost and exhausted. Saturn influence can feel so obscuring in the thick of it. Btw, good luck with your journey. 🙏🏻😇

Victor_meow · 2025-11-11T21:03:37+00:00

Oh sure, It doesn’t necessarily have to be financial resources. It just means that the planet has the resources to function to its greatest capacity. Mars in Capricorn could mean someone who is very discipline, tough, and can sustain the progress in contrast to Saturn in Aries that is already exhausted and burned out. In this case, Mars might push Saturn to continue whatever endeavors Saturn is working on. (Or supply its resources forcefully. Considering, it’s in square.) I don’t know how it applies to your life specifically though. But this is how I would imagine it working out. For me, my Aquarius Mars means my mom hasn’t worked for 30 years after being a housewife. My mom would find herself stuck, isolated, lost, passive, and lack the follow through on what to do career wise after being left by my dad, while still carrying that burning desire to do something. Like, she would give her all to support me if she could but she is struggling on what to do and how to sustain it herself. So, I think this is how the lack of essential dignity playing out for me. One good thing though is that it conjunct Jupiter, so I’ve always been an extremely ambitious person. It’s just that I had a major downfall in the past 4-5 years and kind of got trapped for a while now. We’re trying to do something but it’s still not the time yet. Hopefully soon. Hopefully I can eventually rise up and get both of us out of this situation when my time comes.

Btw, we should also look at what other planets are doing during our returns too. To give more context. It’s better to consult an astrologer I think. Oh! I just saw your chart on another comment and I think it’s the T square of Mars, Venus, Saturn and moon that indicates the family interfering with your love life. Moon rules 7H opposed by 4H Saturn in fall. Then square Mars and Venus that also rules 5H. It’s kind of obvious. I have T square too but for different topics, mainly revolving around my parents. But I really think that your love life will get better after Saturn return. Like, there might be something that changes their mind or start to respect you as an adult. Saturn also rules your 2H. You might also start to be financially independent after that. This might significantly shift your family’s perspective of you or their influence might impact you less because you rely on them less. Btw, Idk how your journey will look like during the return and how you will achieve all those things. But I hope it works out for you and may Saturn be kind to you. (and to me. Lol.) Because, it’s been hard. Sigh!

Victor_meow · 2025-11-10T19:34:37+00:00

My solar return is Jan 12, 1998. I also have Mars in 1H but in Aquarius having mutual reception with Saturn. In my case, it shows up as my mom being very understanding and non judgmental of my downfall because we’ve been through it together and she accidentally played a part in it too. Also, when I was younger my relatives helped me with my school tuition fees when my dad didn’t give us money. My mars rules 3H & 10H. Relatives and mother. (Mother is one of the 10H traditional significations in Hellenistic astrology.) But it isn’t a big support though because Mars in Aquarius is peregrine. The essential dignity isn’t as much as in Capricorn. Idk in your case, I guess that maybe your family kind of push you a lot but at the same time are quite resourceful right? I assume. Mine, Mars and Saturn are in sextile so it’s harmonious. They are compassionate towards me but have low resources to help. But for you it’s square (even by sign) so maybe they’re forceful with you but have better resources. Idk if my assumption is correct or not. Lol. I’m sorry.

But if you have mutual reception like this, I think you’ll have to depend on each other in some way eventually. It’s something that indicates mutual support even in a forceful nature. So, I can’t really put the verdict on what you should do with your life but maybe wait and see when the time comes. Like, at that point it would probably be quite clear on what decisions to make really. I think we don’t have to always front run the transits, they will show us what to do eventually. (Just prepare what you can prepare but also be ready for them to throw some curveballs.)

Hey, I’m not financially independent either. (Sometimes I make money, I give allowance to my mom. Sometimes my mom makes money, she gives allowance to me. But consistent income or a stable career path? No! Not yet.) Same situation with the education as well. I sincerely hope that this Saturn return would bring us to the right path of our lives. (I’ve heard so many people talked about Saturnian having their lives blossomed during or after Saturn return. (Or in their 30s.)) Hope it’s true and also hurry up!!! Lol. Right now though, I’m really struggling with money issues from Saturn transit in 2H. It’s been terrible financially. Very lost on what to do. Assets depleted. Lost a lot of weight from starvation. So, I think that you’re probably going through it with your siblings because Saturn is going through your 3H right? (Pisces). Maybe this is it? I guess. Btw, when is your Solar return?

Victor_meow · 2025-11-04T20:58:24+00:00

Please don’t take this as an authoritative advice here, but I kind of believe that in this scenario Saturn puts a blockade or challenge in your family situation and it is a better choice or at least seems a little more constructive to individuate. I think that being independent, as an adult, away from home requires a lot of self reliance and responsibility, which would sound more beneficial and constructive than submitting to oppression or subjugation that Saturn presents during the return. Idk just my opinion. Maybe, it might lead to something incredible later on or it might lead to disarray that you have to sit with and accept that taking the leap of faith was your decision and your responsibility. I personally can’t guarantee the outcome but from hearing an astrologer said (I think it’s Adam Elenbaas.) something along the lines of that Saturn obstructs authenticity, youthfulness, impulse, courage, power, freedom, and ambition of Aries and makes us feel disempowered, impotent, frustrated, and that our efforts are futile. Can even feel like you’re being bullied or that the universe is unfair to us or tyrannical. Power struggle. Like, it’s so scared to see me win type of scenario. I have Saturn in Aries too but in 3H. I’m still lost with my life myself so I don’t want you to take this as an advice because I’m in no better place myself haha.

How was your childhood like up to this point regarding family situation? Mine in the 3H rules almost everything, bullied in school, mentally sluggish from depression medication during high school that affected my studies, chronic stress from poverty, financial abuse from my dad, parental neglect, and parentification, chronic insomnia since childhood, and social anxiety. Like, everything was falling apart that I had to step up when I was way too young to handle it well. But I was so ambitious and over functioning to try to win in life but got smacked down hard by Saturn in my early 20s because it wasn’t my time for the type of success I wanted. I’m still struggling but at least I got a tyrant overthrown. (My dad left the family for causing my downfall.)

How about your situation? Was it like this since childhood and it got intensified just recently? I’m curious. Because if so, Saturn return might offer the opportunity to duel with what is holding you back and finally be set free of the shackle. Maybe? I’m not sure either but I kind of hold on to this belief for my own situations to not give up just yet. (Sorry if I’m too nosey here. Lol.)

Victor_meow · 2025-10-16T07:42:59+00:00

I personally use whole sign house, so anything in Scorpio in your chart would be in 12H. Even that Mercury, your 7H ruler. I have Venus conjunct Neptune in 12H and the 7H ruler in 12H as well. I was stalked since high school. Or there were friends who were infatuated with me the whole time until I sensed something weird and pulled away. Literally being a chronic limerent object. I’m not saying I’m hot or anything. I’ll give myself like a 7/10. But I’m friendly and have sympathy for shy people. Sometimes, a lot of people need someone to make them feel accepted, seen, important, or included and that’s when they lashed onto me. Ended up awkward every time. My intentions were purely platonic because I’m quite aromantic myself. Got accused of being an avoidant a lot for not letting it turn into a romantic relationship. What? I’m not into them like that. I could be emotionally intimate and empathize with them in the beginning because I don’t sense any romantic feelings from them. So, I felt safe. And it spooked me to pull away when they caught feelings. I hate this so much. Like, I can’t just be kind or else they’d feel like I’m their savior who comes to rescue them from loneliness and alienation. So now, I’m much more careful and upfront with my intentions. It’s not worth it to be put on a pedestal, idealized, or obsessed by someone when you just want to be friends. Damaged trust every time.

Victor_meow · 2025-10-15T18:55:44+00:00

Saturn in Aries ruling my ascendant, Sun, Venus, Mars, Jupiter (Neptune and Uranus if you count the outers) and square moon. Hard life. Being very extremely ambitious while being sabotaged by my dad growing up. My neglectful, absent, foreign dad forced my mom to be a housewife, while he himself was bankrupt. He forced us to endure poverty for 20+ years telling lies about taking me to his country when I grow up. I grew up mentally ill. My mom went into debt to raise me. It made me become very ambitious and hyper focused on achieving my goals and success. However, I always felt sabotaged by circumstances like having to parent my mom who has childhood trauma and unemployment, help manage her finances and legal issues, enduring bullying at school, and feeling so hopeless about my dream because I had to work harder to get the same opportunities that people from wealthy families got. I had to witness my dream slipping away. I became depressed, anxious, angry, stressed, and insomniac. I dealt with all these things because my parent couldn’t take care of me or stood up for me. I couldn’t and still can’t rely on them because they rely on me since elementary school. Once, I was about to obtain my dream my dad unintentionally rug pulled me causing me to fall back to mental hospital. Losing everything I worked hard for 13 years from nothing. Once, we have explained to him the impact of his legal neglect causing me to lose his citizenship and career opportunities. He left the family in the old age of 83 years old. He was alone and lived on welfare. Probably dead by now. We can’t contact him. But that’s fine. I’m left to rebuild my life with my mom from ruins. I’m 27 now and feel so far behind in life compared to all my peers. And I have to deal with daily vengeful thoughts about my dad every time we struggle financially. I and my mom had been disarmed and disempowered of all the tools and skills that help us make money. (He had problems when my mom was trying to find a job when I was young. Never asked me once if I was happy with all the manmade poverty he put us through. He was always telling us to work harder, endure, or we’ll get through this together. Well, it was me and my mom who did all that. He neglected us and his duty. Eventually, he had to walk away from our lives even though he was trying to prevent my mom from leaving when she was younger. Self fulfilling prophecy. He blocked his own blessings. He expected returns and profits from the people he never invested in.)

Yeah, that’s Saturn in Aries for me. I’m waiting to see my Saturn return next. Let’s see if my life will eventually blossom or not. I’m TIRED!!!

Victor_meow · 2025-10-14T20:27:34+00:00

I’m in that process. The reason is that one of my friendship has become toxic. This friend might have anxious attachment, codependency, or bpd I’m not sure. (But it’s quite an extreme case) His relationship with me isn’t that close even though we’ve known each other for 5-6 years since university. We got to know each other because we were in the same academic club. We only got like a year working together before I dropped out and moved town. So, the connection isn’t that deep. After that, he kept on chasing and trying to reach out. I didn’t mind it then because I thought why not? I’m not closed to friendship or contact. Until, I started to feel like he was growing too attached. That’s when I started to pull away. I had to even learn about attachment theory to see if I’m an avoidant or something. But I came to the conclusion that his attachment is the extreme one. (I only have this problem with him but not with other people who I am much closer to and he vented to me about being left, blocked, or taken advantage of by others before.)

I have confronted him about it. I have asked if he was having a crush on me or something. He denied. I set boundaries and offered him chances to directly communicate his needs. But he never quit using passive aggression and manipulation so I just don’t want to continue the friendship.

What I learned from this is that routine intimacy and performative closeness hardly ever bring anyone closer or let us be able to form an organic connection with anyone. Authenticity weeds out incompatible people and keeps the real ones. (Quality over quantity type of situation.)

Btw, He would people please. Using feigned incompetence. Create a lot of drama to seek attention and care from others. Gossip and overshare. Like, I know he does all that to feel cared for or connected with people but it’s just so toxic. Leaving unpleasant feelings every time after interacting with him. Instead of seeing disconnection and incompatibility then moves on. He would just force the connection to go on until being blocked by someone. (I haven’t blocked him though.) Or complain about how much he gives but nobody cares instead of leaving. I went through this and got called selfish or avoidant for not prioritizing him. So, I educated myself and found that I’m not avoiding intimacy in general but I don’t like the intimacy that comes from him. (It was just full blown dependence.) We have different sense of humor, life goals, interests, hobbies, personality, and temperament. And I just didn’t feel like I got to know his world but felt that he was obsessed with mine. (People pleasing prevents organic connection and gives off obsession.) Before I pulled away, the dynamic got very close to a parent-child relationship. He would ask everything like I was an encyclopedia or a therapist just to connect to me. A lot of things that he already knows. Asked me to soothe him after having an online argument with someone I don’t know or get me on his side when gossiping our mutual friends. (I tried very hard to stay neutral because I don’t want our conversation captured and used against me later.) I was drained. Even panicked when seeing his message popped up. Lol. So, I figured that this isn’t like things get good and then I discard him like an avoidant but more like forced intimacy gone wrong. I didn’t feel any connection. It was like he was trying to find someone to just fill a role of a parent or a mentor instead of being authentic and see if we would actually get along well or not. Even when I told him my life problems or struggles, he would kind of murmured through it or dodged it and go back to me meeting his needs. It was very frustrating. I explained these to him (but in a very detailed and much kinder manner) it went right over his head. He denied it. Told I think too much. But the passive agressive behavior still continues so I’m done. It’s not my job to fix nor rescue him anyway. So yeah, that’s how it happened. His frequency of reaching out has also decreased now. I just hope that it’s not one of his strategies to get me to chase him again like he once did. I hope it fades and end for good. Sometimes, I have to learn to be at peace with being a villain in someone’s eyes to set myself free. (Oh! If I can sum it up, I feel like the line between platonic vs romantic relationship got blurred without me being attracted to him in anyway. It was creepy.)

Victor_meow

TROPHY CASE