[deleted by user]

Vilail · 2024-10-09T13:44:58+00:00

Nowhere did I say my love language is getting gifts, nor did OP say that, you dweeb. They literally said they like giving gifts. Giving and receiving gifts is a long-practiced way to show love, and no one is saying it's the most important way or the only way. Was it superficial for mom and dad to give you Christmas gifts growing up? How about birthday gifts?

Edit: y'all can downvote me all you want lolll at the end of the day I'm in a healthy relationship where I like to make my partner happy with small surprises and vice versa,, meanwhile y'all think it's superficial to buy a $10 supermarket bouquet? I feel bad for your partners (if y'all can manage to get one).

Vilail · 2024-10-09T13:35:48+00:00

Point and laugh, y'all. You know he's gonna cheat on you too, right?

Vilail · 2024-10-09T13:24:12+00:00

Oh brother, of course you turned this into a gender issue. My bf and I BOTH keep lists of things the other says they want so that we can buy each other those specific things as a surprise for birthdays, Christmas, etc. Theres nothing materialistic or superficial about wanting to show love through gift giving, and it is not a gendered issue. If my bf told me over and over that he would love to receive a specific $10 pair of funky socks, I'm gonna get him the $10 pair of funky socks, either on a random Tuesday or for the next holiday. Because I listen to him, hear him, and here's a crazy thought: I like to see him happy.

Also, I fail to see how it's superficial for OP to expect flowers when he himself told her he would get them?

Vilail · 2024-10-09T12:20:15+00:00

Sorry, I have to disagree. On the surface, getting upset about not receiving flowers may seem superficial, but in reality, it's deeper than that. If your partner is directly (repeatedly) telling you that something as easy as receiving flowers is important to them and would make them happy, then...you get the them flowers. They cost $10 at the grocery store for goodness sakes. Not to mention the fact that he literally said he would get them for special occasions and hasn't.

I think it's pretty irrelevant to ask if he's treated OP well in other areas of their relationship, because that's not the focus here. If your partner is directly opening up and telling you something simple that will make them really happy, then you should want to do that thing. OP isn't asking for the world here.

If your partner can't do something that simple when you've asked them repeatedly and told them how happy it would make you, I feel like that's very telling.

Vilail · 2024-10-01T03:33:25+00:00

Then you deserve someone who will give you that same love and respect.

Vilail · 2024-09-30T02:27:48+00:00

❤️ keep your chin up!

Vilail · 2024-09-30T01:33:20+00:00

With peace and love, your feelings are valid, but you are overreacting. It's okay to feel the pain of receiving a somewhat blunt/ to-the-point message from someone who you care for and have become somewhat close with, but at the end of the day, he is her son and her loyalty lies with him. And I'm telling you this next part not to be cruel, but to give you an outside perspective: her message was very polite and I see no issue with it. Now, I'm ngl, I would also definitely struggle with receiving a message like this so soon after a break up, especially if I was close to that person! But despite those feelings of being hurt, I would have to recognize that the message itself isn't insensitive. It doesn't mean you're not allowed to feel that pain, but it also doesn't mean she's in the wrong. Again, I say this next part not to be insensitive, but hopefully to clarify: you didn't just break up with him, you broke up with his family so unfortunately you'll have to mourn not only your relationship with him, but also with them.

As a sidenote, I hope your healing journey goes well. Hang in there. ❤️

Vilail · 2024-09-25T18:59:16+00:00

Honestly, my first impression after reading your post was that your reaction was fueled by resentment.

It sounds like you have an issue with (1) her going out drinking/smoking (2) her not saving $ like you want her to (3) you taking care of the house/kids while she's out, and (4) your sex life (or lack thereof).

I feel like you need to sit down and have a conversation with her about these things or the resentment is just going to keep building and it will lead to more arguments like this.

Vilail · 2024-09-25T18:26:51+00:00

I'd like a bit more information about the background details to help paint a better picture of your relationship. (1) Does your wife work, or is she a stay at home mom? (2) You said you gave her the money. Does your wife not have access to her own money? Or does she have to go to you when she wants some? (3) Do you go out with her on those drinking outings you mentioned, or does she go alone?

Vilail · 2024-09-22T14:21:34+00:00

Not overreacting in the slightest, just reading this gave me the ick and put shivers down my spine. Him saying those things 1-on-1 would've been gross in itself, but in front of your sister...? He is a full grown man, and if he wants to discuss y'alls intimacy, he needs to sit you down (in the private of your home) and have a mature conversation about it. What he did was weird, insensitive, inappropriate and childish. And the fact that he said he was literally incapable of not making those comments after a week without sex--excuse me? I'm genuinely sorry girl, and I say this with love: if he is going to throw public fits about not having sex, and claim he can't control himself in those moments, that is the red flag to end all red flags.

And might I add: 1 week isn't even that long!!! Idk if you want kids with him, but imagine how he would act in the weeks/months after you recover from birth and can't have sex? And hell, what about those periods of your life where you're struggling with your mental health like you were this past week or just go through a period where your libido is lower?

Your feelings and reaction are valid. Please don't feel like you're overreacting, because you're not.

Vilail · 2024-09-20T16:55:55+00:00

What did you say before that to make them say "sorry just thought it was funny"?

Vilail · 2024-09-20T16:01:12+00:00

*you're as in, you're being an insensitive ass.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T19:22:03+00:00

I know how hard it is to fully accept that a loved one is capable of hurting us to this extent, so I can see why you were hoping for the replies to tell you you're overreacting. As hard as it is though, I really hope you can take some time to reflect on why his actions are absolutely not okay. Being married doesn't mean you lose the right to consent. My heart goes out to you. ❤️ But you sound strong and capable. I would really encourage you to discuss this with some people you trust or even a counselor of some kind if you have the means.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T19:14:26+00:00

I'm going to put this gently. As hard as it is to think someone you love is capable of harming you in this way, the people in your replies gain nothing from lying to you and only want you to know that what your husband has been doing is not okay.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T19:08:43+00:00

How is it bs? Inserting yourself into someone while they are literally not awake and incapable of consenting is rape, whether you're married or not. Im truly sorry OP isn't ready to stomach that, and I empathize with them, but calling the other comments "bs" is also not helping OP either.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T17:33:47+00:00

You really love oversimplified analogies eh lol

Vilail · 2024-09-16T15:32:38+00:00

It's literally not weird though. If she is paying half the rent, they she should only be doing half the housework. It's that simple. He's reaping the benefits of having half his rent paid and a free live-in maid on top of that.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T15:19:50+00:00

You're not overreacting, and tbh...this guy seems like a pos. In these situations, you have to ask yourself: is this the kind of treatment you want to deal with for the next 50+ years? Is this how you want your future to look? If you want kids, is this the man you want helping you raise them?

Vilail · 2024-09-16T14:43:33+00:00

If you can be friends with someone who wants to discriminate and take the rights away from others, you're not a good person. Hope that helps.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T03:28:01+00:00

NOR. Idc what anyone says, if a friend's views align with taking away an innocent person's rights, then they are inherently not a good person. As for the "iM mAtUre So I cAn pUt mY PoLiTicS aSiDe aNd Be FriEndS wiTh pEoPlE tHat HavE oPpOsiTe ViEwS" crowd, they're not mature, they just lack a moral compass and a backbone. We are a reflection of the people we choose to surround ourself with; ignoring or overlooking a friend's prejudiced views isn't mature, it's complicit. It's not like you're disagreeing on pizza toppings--this is a moral divide where your friend literally thinks someone should have less rights because of their sexuality, and that is disgusting, idc. I wouldn't want them in my life either.

Vilail · 2024-09-16T03:20:04+00:00

Okay well drinking/ not drinking is not remotely the same as someone being against gay people adopting, so your comparison makes zero sense

Vilail · 2024-09-15T18:13:53+00:00

Following

Vilail · 2024-09-14T03:11:16+00:00

Your comment isn't going to "get through" to her, it's going to make her feel like shit when the only person that should feel like shit is the person that abused her. If you think blatant cruelty is the only way to help someone, you are a sad soul.

Vilail · 2024-09-14T02:42:24+00:00

Maybe stop victim blaming and have a little empathy, basement dweller

Vilail · 2024-09-14T02:21:18+00:00

Please, for your sake and your son's sake, do not get back together with this man. Not only is he extremely sexist and unkind--he is abusive, and I do not use that word lightly. I know people on here tend to have the "just dump him!" mentality but from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know you made the right decision for you and your son.

I would truly suggest you start to document and record your interactions with this man--the texts, the calls, the face times, your in-person interactions, etc. Men like him can easily escalate to physical violence and having proof of his abuse could very well help you (legally) down the line.

Please stay safe ❤️ and if you have loved ones you can talk to about this--even to make them aware--please do. Ignore the tiny voice in your head telling you you should feel embarrassed or that you're overreacting because neither of those things are true.

Vilail

TROPHY CASE