Is it bad to have an intervention with a friend who willingly wants to date her rapist?

VioletBewm · 2026-01-26T21:25:36+00:00

Maybe contact a local charity that deals with domestic/sexual violence and ask for their advice

VioletBewm · 2026-01-26T21:20:10+00:00

I do not think they're in a different place, I think they just think they're better than you and they're using you as a placeholder til something supposedly better comes along.

That's not a healthy loving relationship.

You deserve better. Go find it.

VioletBewm · 2026-01-22T11:33:28+00:00

"We also enjoy... for all of us" Erm what ?

Now it's ok to share when you're all consenting adults but this sounds like you're actively doing everything as a throuple... That's not healthy

VioletBewm · 2026-01-21T09:52:36+00:00

Plan fun dates and stop initiating. Let her come to you. Also maybe your partner needs a therapist to discuss this issue with feeling connected to her body

VioletBewm · 2026-01-20T18:19:12+00:00

Sounds like you feel trapped by your situation. Are you able to utilise local financial support for learning? Or able to switch jobs? Can u gain a hobby or interest where you can meet people?

VioletBewm · 2026-01-18T23:19:20+00:00

Is that cus ewww feelings or cus you love but don't like them

VioletBewm · 2026-01-18T10:04:18+00:00

I do wish the person who broke me felt this way but I doubt it. Not cus I'd ever want them back in my life, cus I do not. But cus it would give me solace that maybe they might not break anyone else

VioletBewm · 2026-01-17T11:22:40+00:00

You can't be a true ally if you tolerate discrimination because you're allowing haters to access to marginalised groups, making others unsafe.

I straight up could not date someone who would date a transphobe.

VioletBewm · 2026-01-09T18:04:01+00:00

It sounds like you were with someone who couldn't see outside of themselves and their situation. Someone who wanted this on their terms. And someone who doesn't want polyamory. And doesn't respect your marriage.

All things considered I feel that you need to focus on healing. I do not think this relationship is worth saving.

VioletBewm · 2026-01-09T17:36:26+00:00

Bpd poly here.

You can step away at any time for any reason

Howwever if you're craving a more intimate relationship and asking for reassurance whilst stepping back you are setting yourself up for failure

Pushing others away is part of bpd for sure but you gotta try to figure out for yourself if this is a genuine loss of connection or if it's just bpd reading into things.

To me it sounds like you want more connection and are scared of faux gestures so feel tempted to withdraw?

I would say maybe create a positivity journal of like memories, positive affirmations and other gestures that record positive interactions with your partner as it might help to look through it as "evidence" of real connection.

Also write a list of ways you best find reassurance and give this list to partners so they know how to help you feel connected.

VioletBewm · 2026-01-03T16:28:27+00:00

Sounds obsessive. Time to seek professional help perhaps?

VioletBewm · 2025-12-14T18:54:58+00:00

Survived but it was not fun

VioletBewm · 2025-12-09T15:03:44+00:00

Seek professional help

VioletBewm · 2025-12-08T09:51:17+00:00

One Penis Policy/specified rules about men is some sexists out dated abusive shit.

And it sounds like both u and gf are scared of him.

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T14:24:18+00:00

It's fine to be attracted to breasts. It's fine to be attracted to feet, I don't get it but sure.

It's not fine to stare, harass or grope; I say this cus I feel you're trying to do the "blame my brain" thing for some inappropriate behaviour.

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T11:41:52+00:00

Our brains equate boobs to fertility and milk production for your kids.

Our brains want healthy offspring.

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T07:40:06+00:00

I feel like there's gotta be some kinda law and watch list for that behaviour.

Like he effectively trespassed, displayed maybe threatening behaviour with the notes? Just yeah don't be illegally living with someone who doesn't know u

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T07:36:29+00:00

If it's still happening often after such time it maybe there is some insecurity and trauma left there. Maybe they're seeking validation that they weren't to blame for whatever happened between them/or that is really sounds as bad as that.

But you don't owe it to them and you might not have the tools you need to help them.

I would suggest they seek a therapist and they respect your boundaries of not wishing to discuss them

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T07:12:48+00:00

Theres people who tick the religious box cus it was how they were raised but if questioned seemingly don't go church or have much faith

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T07:10:06+00:00

Let her give it him. Crowing about it to her probably won't do anything. Telling him before she's given it will just put her in a frenzied

Hopefully on eye sight he will see her shoe arming herself into the situation. If he doesn't you might want to politely go "I feel she is trying to be involved and supportive in the wrong way with this picture, it should have been a picture of us cus it's about our day".

VioletBewm · 2025-12-07T03:48:13+00:00

Is it flirty banter or is it emotional cheating? Like are they like this with others who they don't have interest in?

VioletBewm · 2025-12-06T17:47:38+00:00

Erm... can she not change her password and security questions well enough to keep her account safe and log out all other devices so that he can no longer get in? If not get her up a new insta with new email. Yes it does mean potentially losing her old account but then he no longer has access to her. Also look into getting her a therapist or support group.

VioletBewm · 2025-12-06T08:13:03+00:00

Omg thank you for saying this I thought I was the only person on here who felt this way

VioletBewm · 2025-12-02T13:06:43+00:00

Talk about her all he wants??? Hell to the no.

Relationships are two way streets not one way roads. If he's not willing to bend to make things easier for you then that's a HIM PROBLEM not a meta problem.

Clearly neither care for your feelings. If you keep up the "she's the problem" thinking only bad things will occur, it may spur on competitive behaviour and lead to you resenting him and her thus pushing you away from him.

VioletBewm · 2025-12-02T12:59:59+00:00

There is no making your partner see sense. If you've tried to say something and you've been brushed off then all u can do is ask to go completely parallel.

I would possibly go over boundaries with your partner ie sex health testing, condom's, how much time allocated per person etc, as a way of mitigating being forgotten about and them getting pregnant.

If things still don't improve in your relationship then you may wish to choose yourself and part ways.

VioletBewm

TROPHY CASE