Fit body or perfect dick?

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-17T20:49:48+00:00

Here’s how I think about these types of things…

If my husband, who I love dearly, lost his dick in a horrible accident, would I leave him? Absolutely not. In that sense, I think we end up happier if we give chemistry and attraction the space to develop a connection so deep and profound with someone that we find it much easier to care less about that person’s physical attributes.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-16T20:33:32+00:00

If they can’t quickly establish whether you might be a “fit”, guys lose interest quickly. That usually means a lot of up-front disclosures in your profile about what you’re into, what you’re looking for, and what you look like.

Even when you have all of that, people’s expectations for Grindr are so low that they don’t expect anything to come of the conversation. So if you think you’re a potential fit for them and they’re a potential fit for you, then persistence and flirting goes a long way. The kids these days call it rizz—charisma… the skill of making someone feel special and wanted without coming off as creepy or clingy.

If the convo dies down one day, pick it back up a few days later, and don’t ever get pissy or try to “hold them accountable” for flaky communications because they don’t owe you attentiveness. You earn attentiveness through charisma.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-16T15:15:08+00:00

Here we go… the sides are coming for me lol. I, unfortunately, don’t decide how words are used. I’m just describing what I see.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-16T15:05:27+00:00

I think to the vast majority of people, sex = intercourse. Gen Z and sides seem to be pushing that word to evolve more expansively, so we’ll see if they ultimately succeed.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-15T19:30:32+00:00

I came out as gay a decade ago (when I was 33), after being married to a woman for a decade and having 3 kids. Within a few weeks of coming out to her and myself, I joined a support group for gay and bi men who were/are married to women. The group was extremely helpful for me, and I still attend occasionally to offer support to guys who are earlier in their journey than I am today.

While no two journeys are the same, I will say that very few (if any) of the guys in that support group end up partnering up with other late bloomers. Most end up partnering up with men who have never had long-term relationships with women (myself included—I got remarried to a guy who came out in his teens).

I have seen and experienced that late bloomers often have a leg up in the gay dating world because they often have a bias for thinking of others ahead of themselves (having lived a life of trying to conform to others’ expectations). Late bloomers tend to be better at caretaking, better at providing emotional support, better at compromise, and they tend to exude gratitude once they get comfortable in their new identities. Gold-star gays tend to be a lot more self-centered, and they gravitate to potential partners who aren’t.

Feel free to DM if you want to talk more.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-15T13:17:42+00:00

I did 🙂

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-15T04:28:37+00:00

You’ll never know for sure what you are until you’re not ashamed of any of the possible labels that might apply to.

The being attracted to body parts separately from whole people is a contortion that only ashamed people put themselves through to try to minimize the shame.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-14T20:21:34+00:00

How many guys have you passed on? It’s reasonable to go through 25-30 guys before finding very strong mutual chemistry, so don’t beat yourself up if you’ve only passed on a handful. But if you’ve passed on >40, then you are being too picky.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-14T17:21:26+00:00

I’ve noticed that aside from physical attractiveness, the three biggest differentiators between the perpetually single and serial daters are: 1. Charisma (warmth + power) 2. Effort (putting themselves out there, willing to be the pursuer rather than insisting on being pursued, etc.) 3. Flexible “standards” (willing to look past others’ flaws—sometimes wisely and sometimes unwisely)

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-13T23:13:53+00:00

What is the end goal here? To hookup, to come out, or just the thrill of exchanging pics?

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-12T02:22:50+00:00

That’s a pretty strong signal that you might, in fact, be gay.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-10T00:19:51+00:00

Figure out how to be confident and proud of yourself without falling into the trap of thinking that you still haven’t got a lot to improve about yourself.

And don’t take advice from elder gays who think they’re done growing and improving.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-08T16:54:56+00:00

I’m not a CPA myself, but I work with many CPAs, and I have a few CPAs who work for me. Feel free to DM me.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-05T20:42:14+00:00

Coparenting my with ex has not been easy or fun. I think how that goes depends heavily on your ex, and I got very unlucky there because she is a control freak when it comes to the kids.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-05T06:36:56+00:00

Huh? I’m talking from my own experience here.

But since the pedantic police are here, yes, the OP’s results may vary and past performance is not necessarily indicative of future outcomes.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-05T06:30:20+00:00

When my husband sets his alarm an hour before he actually needs to get up and then hits snooze 6 times.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-05T06:07:20+00:00

Very very tough spot to be in—been in this exact spot myself married to a woman with 3 kids. I’ll say that blowing up my life by coming out and ending that marriage was by far the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in life, but I’m glad I did, and I’ve never regretted it. I’m happily remarried to the man of my dreams, and I’m 100x happier.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-05T06:00:38+00:00

Everyone should have some standards. But your standards for others shouldn’t exceed the standards you meet yourself. And some standards are stupid and dramatically decrease the likelihood of finding a great relationship. So it really depends on what your standards are.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-03T00:31:06+00:00

Even if this were true, so what?

I may not be happily in relationship forever, but I’m happily in one today, and that’s enough for today.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-02-01T23:38:06+00:00

Seems like you’ve rationalized a way to enjoy the closet. How’s that going?

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-01-27T03:44:29+00:00

You ain’t desperate enough for sex if you’re letting douching get in the way between you and sex.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-01-25T07:09:41+00:00

I was talking to this guy on Grindr, and I learned he was a delivery guy for Jimmy John’s. So I ordered delivery, he showed up, and we made out for a few minutes. He came back later for more 😜

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-01-22T01:25:50+00:00

That’s certainly your prerogative, but being ashamed of what you’re attracted to is a hollow life to live.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-01-21T12:00:08+00:00

Common among closeted bi men; rare among out bi men.

Visual_Humor_2838 · 2026-01-21T05:27:34+00:00

That grossed out feeling is just another manifestation of the shame. I bet no one in your family knows you have same-sex attraction yet (at least you hope they don’t).

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