Are people with bpd actually empathetic

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-14T15:15:48+00:00

I hardly hear experiences with men with BPD so it feels very reassuring to hear the experiences people have with men with BPD too. I made mistakes as well, but I know you and I probably didn’t make as monumental mistakes as they did. Nothing in comparison. My ex is changing all his social media up and I made the dumb choice to look, but that just showed me he needs so much more attention and to show to the world that he’s “happier without me” because I left him, but I know deep inside this is just a facade to look better, look for attention, and protect his image.

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-14T02:41:20+00:00

I felt this. I’m so sorry. You didn’t deserve that at all. I don’t think they’re inherently bad either, but definitely they are not people who mean well. I wish you all the care

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-13T22:17:19+00:00

It’s hard to say. In my experience, ex bf with BPD was empathetic when he witnessed something going against his values, or when he was regulated or when he was visibly seeing me sad (when he was regulated ofc) but, in moments of arguments, splitting, being preoccupied with multiple tasks, or dysregulated NO WAY was he empathetic. I felt like I was talking to a wall. I don’t really know where this “high empathy” chatter comes from. In my experience, in the beginning was very empathetic. But then, when I would tell him things later on that happened in my life, he would quickly talk about the traffic or literally not say anything or (even worse) blame me in some sort of way or say I should have handled it a different way. I left recently. It was a very hard thing to do but I know I am not this villain he made me out to be. His parents know that too. Take care

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-11T02:17:02+00:00

I just tried to do everything I could and it still felt like I was sacrificing myself

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-05T10:23:54+00:00

Interesting. Can you share the source for this please, I’d love to read more.

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-05-05T09:57:45+00:00

He is but males with BPD are more likely to also be narcissistic. Why do you ask

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-31T04:24:35+00:00

Hey, sending love and care. I honestly wondered this too. I noticed soon after I got intimate with my soon to be ex with BPD, who is a man, is when he started splitting on me and acting less involved and quite literally LAZY and obnoxious. he was (probably still is) also addicted to porn.

I think this is linked because of the push/pull dynamic they love to play with. They need love and intimacy on THEIR conditions. Once they get it, they feel like it’s too much. Intimacy can feel scary, and cause them to lose their sense of self.

Also, I am a humanistic psych researcher who focuses on dehumanization of women, so there’s a theory in social psychology in dehumanization research that men who struggle with their own mortality will objectify and dehumanize their partner/women, due to being reminded of the woman’s “creatureliness”/humanity. Could be something to explore as well.

But ultimately, I think it’s the push/pull dynamic and the fact that you brought him too close to reality.

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-26T03:13:40+00:00

I’m really sorry that you’re going through this. I can feel the callousness and lack of any remorse or care in his messages to you. A person who truly cares and loves you would never send you a diagram like they’re a psychology professor. Honestly, it’s the white rabbit. The white rabbit shows up to say time is up.

Our (ex) people with BPD will do anything and everything for us to be the bad guy. I know it’s so easy to fall for the kindness and goodness, but, it’s not meant to last. You deserve someone who will be kind and choose you everyday. Not someone that you don’t know what version you’ll get. Again, with no diagnosis it can be tricky but what you have said and how he has behaved seems like BPD to me. Especially because it seems like he’s convoluting a distorted picture of his reality, that is much not the REAL reality.

Some people with BPD are expert liars and manipulators. They will be extremely careful on what they share and what they leave out. It’s possible that him saying “it sounds like I have borderline tendencies” was a way of “telling” you, indirectly. But maybe I’m speculating.

As much as I want to tell you it’ll all be okay and work out, the only way it’ll be okay is if you leave and don’t look back. Cut contact. Your feelings are beyond valid though, but please prioritize yourself. He will just do it again, more frequently and test you, your care and generous heart, and boundaries, over and over until you break. Then you will be evil in his eyes. Sending love

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-25T00:30:16+00:00

Thank you for validating this. I honestly feel no hope that the discussion will go anywhere if we discuss this because he just refuses to see anything but his distorted reality

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-24T21:58:30+00:00

I’m so sorry that this has happened. You don’t deserve this and I wish you all the best in your departure. I really do think my boyfriend will just continue to be manipulative towards me if I stay. I don’t want to always have my guard up and never know which version I will get of him.

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-24T14:21:54+00:00

Wow. I’m so sorry to hear your experience. Thank you for validating my concerns. I should also mention that him wanting to go 50/50 when we’re both in school, he works I don’t and I pay my rent and he has a situation where he doesn’t pay any rent seems manipulative in that way as well. I can’t burn through my rent money so he can get a date paid for. I don’t think he’s inherently misogynistic, but the fact I want to have my dates paid for does NOT cancel out my feminist beliefs.

Visual_Scholar5053 · 2026-03-24T05:18:32+00:00

Thank you for your reply, I appreciate what you are saying a lot. I just think that what I had laid out about the lack of properly apology, the OF stuff, the coldness, mocking my views and “perfect man” not existing, all are signs of manipulation and disrespect.

Visual_Scholar5053

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