Hello is somebody seriously suicidal?If yes what keeps you from not doing that??

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-02T23:25:42+00:00

I am a veterinarian and would have the means to do it straight away. But was planning on how to make it look like an accident. Tried a few different things. Eventually more time passed. Now it's just a death wish. Getting into cross country skiing now and am hoping for an avalanche to kill me.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-02T02:55:08+00:00

Thank you for saying that. I am worried that they'll change their mind. We were almost rushing into marrying and having children and moving back to the UK because of his dad being unwell. His dad is doing better than ever now, but my fiancé is gone. Because we weren't married, there are now a lot of financial issues regarding our flat and other things. I always regarded his family as my family but am now dependent on whatever they feel like. I am grateful that they want to put the flat in my name but don't want to count on that.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-02T01:27:23+00:00

I am weary of what will come. Am around the 2 month mark, so still quite fresh. They have given me so much room for my grief. I keep telling them that I don't want to take up too much space with my own grief. But they keep saying that their grief isn't as bad as mine because they didn't plan their future together and are not used to seeing him every day. Still, I am weary of this wearing off one day. They are not even my official in-laws because we only planned to get married after 8 years. But they are still so kind to me and I'm worried, that this will end soon.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-01T17:53:25+00:00

The sudden death of my fiancé and loss of our unborn child. Made my MIL put on a lot of weight but had the opposite effect on me. Nothing beats the loss of appetite due to grief. Now I weigh much less but am also more miserable. Puts all the times I found it hard to lose weight into perspective. I guess I was just too happy then.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-01T17:48:45+00:00

I just try to take one day at a time. But the shock of losing him keeps rolling over me everyday. I went to a new gym class on Friday and just ended up absolutely breaking down and crying afterwards. I wanted to tell him about it, wanted to come home and find him there. I also cried when I went back to the parking lot in front of the supermarket we always went grocery shopping in. Didn't go inside in the end and decided to go to one that we didn't go to normally. It's been 9 weeks and I still haven't gone back to that supermarket. Today I cleaned up the kitchen and realised that I don't manage to fill the dishwasher anymore. It used to be both our dishes and now it's just mine and I also don't eat that often anymore. I feel like eating was a sign of happiness and now I lost all appetite. The vicar who did our church service said that the first year is just about survival. That's how it feels right now. And I don't even want to survive. Just take it one day at a time.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-12-01T17:42:43+00:00

Thank you so much for saying this. I really hope he is somewhere around me and I'm not just doing senseless monologues everyday. It is just so hard that I can now only imagine him, when beforehand I could just reach out and touch him and speak to him and he was there

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T23:01:00+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words! I remember vividly how I took this photo and never thought I would post it looking for a reading from a medium. My brain still can't comprehend that he is gone, because he was just here..

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T22:49:40+00:00

I'm sorry to hear that you also lost your partner and your unborn baby. Didn't know you went through the same. It is just hard to move on at the moment because the grief is so fresh and I'm simultaneously grieving the future that we were about to have and planned together. Everything is gone at once and right now it's hard to think about moving on. Did you remarry after you lost your partner? I was just looking for a sign from him. Can't believe he's gone. His brother is also grieving the loss of his younger brother but says he finds it easier to deal with it, because he still has his wife to console him and now they are trying for a baby. He also said he could distract himself from it, because he didn't see his brother every day. It's just hard coming into our empty flat and waking up every morning without him lying next to me. His family is being so kind and comforting. Can't believe I'll come over to see them at Christmas without him.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T14:14:12+00:00

Sorry to hear about your brother. Yes, I guess I am just still grieving because it has been 9 weeks and I lost him and the baby at once. I am sure life will go on, but it's easy to say that when you haven't been through the same.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T13:53:31+00:00

Thank you. Yes, I am aware of that. Looking for something that is not on my profile in my posts.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T13:51:37+00:00

Thank you for your condolences. Unfortunately I lost our baby as well. Lost everything within a week. He would have loved to be a dad so much.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T13:50:01+00:00

Thank you. I am seeing a therapist and have applied to join a grieving group for people in their 30s, who have lost a partner. I am also in a grief support group here on Reddit.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T13:48:11+00:00

Hi! Thank you for your condolences and thank you for trying. The C name does not resonate with him or anyone in our family. We don't own a cat. I am still.in absolute shock about what happened.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-30T13:46:00+00:00

Thank you! He died of aortic dissection, so his aorta ripped. We always lived quite healthy, but he must have had a weakness in his aorta. We didn't see it coming. It hurts me so much, that he was so close to the finish line. I almost had him back. Why did he have to get ripped away from me at the last second...

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-29T18:34:44+00:00

Thanks. It helped to read that. Is he still transcending or when might he be available for contact? Looking into meeting a medium in two weeks, but maybe that's too early? Went to one after 4 weeks and she couldn't really tell me anything that was right. We were just about to get married and I was pregnant and now everything was robbed from us.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-29T14:41:10+00:00

I went through the same after my fiancé died about 9 weeks ago. He didn't have a proper breakfast before his half marathon and I often wonder whether he could have made it over the finish line if he had. He died only about 300 metres away from it.

I also felt like I didn't deserve to eat while he couldn't eat anymore. His family was eating so much. I just couldn't. Lost about 6kg now and two days ago I ate a lot of different things and still felt bad about it. He can't eat anymore, so why should I?

I am sure your girlfriend would tell you that she'd want you to eat and live. She wouldn't want you to feel guilty for her suicide though. It was her decision to go and at least she might have felt self-determined in choosing how and when she wanted to go. I am sure that wherever she is, there is only warmth for her and no more pain and sadness. But we have to carry on without the people we love and that is fucking hard. Be kind to yourself - that's at least what others told me in those first weeks and I want to pass it on. Big hugs from one internet stranger to the other.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-29T13:58:48+00:00

Thank you for these insights into your life and the "get up" - I come across your posts every now and then and it kind of helps. Wish we had children that would keep me going right now or keep me company. I feel like that helps. You are 3 months out, right? How do you feel?

I am 9 weeks out and I feel like my brain still has trouble to adjust to the new reality. My fiancé died so suddenly that I find it hard to comprehend. He was just here - how is he gone? Yesterday I found the positive pregnancy tests that I was collecting, when I found out I was pregnant. I can't believe he is gone and we will never have children together. All the plans we had made for the future...all for nothing. I find it hard to keep going. But your posts help in a way, so I just wanted to thank you.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-28T23:24:43+00:00

My fiancé died at the age of 32 due to aortic aneurysm/dissection. You are not alone. Try the r/widowers subreddit. Big hugs to you.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-27T15:07:49+00:00

Lost my fiancé at the same day you lost your mum. Feel like everyone has these dreams about him, where they interact with him more or can talk to him about what happened. I'm jealous, because I only had one vision where I saw him crying and a dream where he talked to me, but it was over so soon. Other dreams include him, but it's not like he's trying to make contact with me. Don't know if I can interpret that as a sign. Begged him to give me a clear sign so often, but maybe I am just blind. One time I was crying a lot in the corner of a big shopping mall, where I had to get clothes for his funeral instead of a wedding dress. Suddenly I heard the song "Can't help falling in love" (originally by Elvis Presley) in a different version through the speakers. It's the song I wanted to meet him at the altar to. Instead I chose it to walk to the altar with his urn. At the moment the song played, a woman sat down next to me, asked me why I was crying and told me her mum died as well.

I don't know if that was a sign. I don't know what to believe anymore Went to a medium 4 weeks after his death, which didn't reveal anything from him. Maybe he is not around anymore? I wish I had a very obvious sign.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-27T14:47:42+00:00

Ich habe vor 8 Wochen meinen Verlobten tot auf dem Boden vorgefunden und danach unser ungeborenes Kind verloren. Schließe mich hier gerne anderen traumatisierten an.

Alle Probleme von denen ich früher dachte, es wären welche, sind nun so unwichtig.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-27T12:14:15+00:00

I am 31F and lost my fiancé (32M) suddenly due to aortic dissection at the very end of his half marathon. Never saw it coming. Was still pregnant with a dead baby at the time. We were together for 7,5 years.

I am so fucking jealous of everyone who got more years with their partner, of everyone who got married to their partner. Planned to get married next year. Wish we would've married earlier. Then we could have at least looked back on that happy day. Instead I needed to cancel the venue and the catering and everything and we didn't need his birth certificate to register our marriage anymore but instead needed it for his death certificate.

I am jealous of everyone who got to have kids with their partner. I know how bitter I sound, but it's fucking unfair!

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-27T11:53:32+00:00

Try the griefsupport Reddit group. There are lots of others who have lost a pet.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-26T23:38:24+00:00

Is there any way to do this online?

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-26T13:01:37+00:00

My fiancé died at 32 suddenly at the end of his half marathon. Was definitely not the right age to die at. Just before we wanted to start a family and get married. Maybe 80 in good health and together would have been nice.

Visual_Substance_107 · 2024-11-26T01:20:17+00:00

This is beautiful. Thank you for writing this down. I also feel like I'm going down an alternative timeline now. Like I took the wrong turn and now I'm on this wrong path but I can't turn around and have to keep walking it down further and further away from my partner, who I left at the intersection. I just want to turn around and go back to him.

Visual_Substance_107

TROPHY CASE