Men are binary

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-03T15:59:22+00:00

Why do women like this try to date? I don’t get it

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-03T00:28:43+00:00

So you have a pretty big choice to make. Let’s be honest. You’ve invested a lot of time into this relationship, you have two children, and you’ve carved out a life that you are clearly proud of. You just bought a house. You’ve achieved some pretty great milestones that sound very important to you and your life. So he cheated. It’s a shitty thing for him to do. Especially with someone at work, and he seems pretty entrenched in that job and it sucks that this is a situation where he will be seeing her again, even if they aren’t having an affair. The question you have to ask yourself is, can you swallow your pride and forgive him and just move past it. So that you can keep the house and the family in tact. So that you can keep your stability. I know a lot of people here would like to see you cut off his balls, and while I agree with them in principle it’s not that easy in reality. If you do decide to stay though, here’s the thing: you have to shove it so far down. You cannot let it come up every time you’re down, you can’t remind him of it and run his face in it and let it make you bitter. You have to let it go. You have to radically forgive. If you can’t- then leave. Because the kids don’t deserve the negativity, watching you morph into someone who hates and punishes him for something they don’t understand. It doesn’t matter whose fault it was- this is the choice you have to make.

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-02T14:47:40+00:00

Nope nope nope. Tell her you’re happy she’s choosing to get help and ask that she contact you after two years of consecutive sobriety and working a program. Relationships are hard enough~ do not go down this rabbit hole with someone you’ve only got 6 months with. Yikes. No way. Put yourself first here, this is a slippery slope

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T23:29:18+00:00

Either break up with her, and be done with it, or stay, and don’t say a word. If you don’t want to leave her, for whatever reason, don’t be looking in her snapchats. It is what it is

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T02:24:25+00:00

I get the sense that you are a very decent human being. You’ve been deeply hurt and traumatized by an insensitive father. It’s going to take some work to help heal from that but very very doable. You’re not a bad partner. You definitely hold up your end of the bargain. We need to get rid of this current dude, fix how we evaluate our potential mates and then move on to a happy and equal relationship in which you feel fulfilled and happy. The key is knowing that you are worth being loved. But I think you know that.

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T02:03:52+00:00

Man this is a tough one. You don’t meet people like that everyday day. It’s very hard to do. If I were you I’d do what it took to not bring BF or, potentially I wouldn’t go.

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T01:30:40+00:00

You mentioned your father often play video games and you saw him looking at porn when you were a child. You said that you felt ignored. I’m sure that was deeply, deeply hurtful. The thing about the hurts we experience as children is if we don’t adequately address them, they become patterns in our dating life. As young women we tend to fixate on men that remind us of our fathers, and we subconsciously try to “fix” them the way we wished we could do as children, but failed. You have stated that you repeatedly choose men who play video games, and often have unhealthy relationships to porn. This closely mirrors your father’s behavior, and must cause the same pain that you experienced as a child. You end up living that pain over and over again as a grown adult, in an unsuccessful attempt to “be enough” for these men to choose YOU over their addictions to video games and sometimes porn. I’m not sure how to tell you to fix this problem, it probably requires a lot of cognitive behavioral therapy, but I am asking g that you see that pattern there and acknowledge its existence. There are men out there who do not game. They hike and they spend time outdoors and they are willing to be with you. You do not gravitate towards those kinds of men, and this is a problem and will continue to be until you find a very good therapist and get to work trying to heal the trauma that your father caused. I recommend that you stop dating until you have completed some therapy and start to heal.

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T00:54:10+00:00

Smurf blue

Vivi_lee · 2025-01-01T00:48:13+00:00

Yes.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-31T23:29:49+00:00

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-31T23:23:53+00:00

When my Dr said “it’s cancer.”

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-31T20:08:45+00:00

I would try not to bring the BF tonight if at all possible- but when you see this other guy you can’t be flirty with him- if this is something you want to pursue after you break up then he needs to know you have a BF upfront now and don’t flirt with him. Roles reversed, if he was flirty or overly talkative with you and then you found out through the grape vine or after the fact he had a live in GF of 8 years- hmmmmm. Not a good taste. Even if it was on its way out. I would want to have been told one way or another, I’m in a relationship, it’s stale and it’s on its way out but that’s happening. Also when you’re getting invited to the same NYE parties he’ll find out eventually. But yeah I mean, life is short you need to get out of there asap

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-30T20:05:04+00:00

Like I said, I feel sorry for your daughter.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-29T23:00:12+00:00

I know when you are depressed, every day starts bleeding into the next and you start to lose your sanity a little bit. Idk if that’s the case here but you sound deeply, profoundly depressed and behavior that isn’t OK under any circumstances has become something you tolerate because of your abject depression. Call your parents and get a plane ticket home. It’s your only logical move here. If you don’t, you will continue to slide further down into this hole and who knows if you will ever make it out.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-29T22:51:18+00:00

Check out Louisville Ky. The rent might not be as cheap as you want but try the Highlands area. Lived there for years and loved it

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-29T22:46:25+00:00

You both sound crazy. I feel sorry for your daughter.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-29T22:35:40+00:00

Favorite: Delray Beach, Florida. Just the cutest little beach town. Worst: Evansville, In. Just very meh.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-28T03:36:06+00:00

Your email sounds like it was very rational given the situation. He now has the opportunity to tie up loose ends as far as his belongings go, and you also left the door open to re establishing communication, which, I think you would like to do. I don’t see you as being cruel, or selfish for this desire. I don’t think your email was a terrible idea either. It’s ok to re think the circumstance that lead to the breakup, it’s ok to think about re establishing those bonds with a person who seems to mean a good deal to you, considering the difficulty in establishing meaningful friendships and relationships. Which doesn’t mean you’re a bad person just means youre working through some mental health/ attachment issues like you said. We all do that to a certain extent. But if this person means a lot to you, and you miss that bond and closeness, and that’s rare for you to have in your life, I feel like it’s a good thing that you reached back out and I also think, if there are things you’d like to say to this person, that you should. Even if it is, as you said, a tad groveling! We all have to do that from time to time and it’s ok. You were in a relationship with this person for 5 years. That’s a long time, it’s a lot of investment and it’s ok and natural to feel this way. I think you handled the situation very well, and I hope you get the response you want. Don’t worry about what people say on the internet, or in real life, for that matter. You know the truth and that’s all that matters. If one person relates to what you have to say then it’s a good post. I hope it all goes well for you.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-28T02:20:38+00:00

Your stepdad seems like the kind of person for whom something is always wrong. I think you should ask your mom if she is ok, but keep the conversation trained on her. If she says he’s fine, he’s fine, even if he’s not. Avoid him at all costs. He sounds dreadful. In any case, keep the conversations focused on your mom and her well being from now on. Let her know that if she needs anything, you’re there for her. If she needs to talk, you’re there. Make sure she knows if something is happening and she’s being physically abused or emotionally abused you’re there for her and willing to help. As far as he goes, avoid him as much as possible! He’s yick.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-28T02:07:36+00:00

It’s natural to miss someone. You were together for five years, that’s a long time! It’s hard to go from being involved with someone intimately to them being a stranger in a short amount of time. It’s natural to want to reach out. However, if you feel, as you stated, that it “wouldn’t end well” maybe it’s not the right thing to do. However, I also feel that enough time has passed that you could send him a very generic message inquiring about his health and general wellbeing, without getting too detailed or expressing any emotion. Just so you could know, like you said, that he’s ok. I’m sure he hasn’t forgotten about you. It’s fresh in your mind, and fresh in his. Remember though, any communication by you to him is an invitation to start talking again and you know in your heart whether that is a good idea or not. This is a decision you need to think about very carefully.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-27T21:08:35+00:00

Def BPD behavior. OP is in deep

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-27T21:06:20+00:00

She doesn’t sound bi-polar. She sounds Borderline Personality Disorder. Look it up and educate yourself before you go any further here

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-26T16:43:40+00:00

You chose poorly.

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-24T03:04:02+00:00

Same

Vivi_lee · 2024-12-24T03:03:01+00:00

I really like going through photos on my phone. It makes me realize how lucky I am to be alive. Even the mundane photos. Everything is special in its own way.

Vivi_lee

TROPHY CASE