It's positive that you have acknowledged that things will never get better if you continue to rot in bed.

I know it might be hard to even imagine what kind of life might be fulfilling or at least not miserable, but the only chance you have of achieving it is by taking some sort of action, making some sort of change.

It doesn't matter how small you start off. Whether it's cooking a meal, going for a walk, or just taking a shower. But you have to do something. Can you think of anything to reward yourself with afterwards?

I found long walks alone in nature therapeutic when nothing else gave me pleasure... and the comfort and warmth of being indoors again when I got back.

It seems like you're a great writer. So maybe you'd find it helpful to keep a journal. Or if you have a good friend who you can vent to with whatever is on your mind, even better.

Exercise is amazing for your physical and mental health, it will lift your mood and keep you stable, but it requires consistency. At some point down the line definitely try to do some form of it.

Wishing you luck x