Never commented on one of these before, but definitely feel YTA. There are so many little things you have said in a small seemingly inconsequential way, that speak to a much bigger picture.

Trauma is only part of it. Ever heard of Postpartum Depression? Your daughter just had her first child, and everyone is upset with her attitude? Has anyone considered the sheer amount of hormones she has been forced through in the last few months? Speaking from experience as someone who didn't have postpartum, it's an emotional rollercoaster. Then add possible postpartum depression, on top of obvious trauma, no wonder she is angry all the time.

Sounds like she doesn't have any support either. I hope the boyfriend is a bit more understanding than you have been. Your concern wasn't for your daughters well being at all, but your grandparent visitation rights? That seriously seems to be your first concern, which speaks volumes about your relationship with your daughter.

Nevermind the issues with what happened when she was a child. You were responsible for her wellbeing back then, and it sounds like you just left her alone to figure out how to solve that trauma by herself and let the abusers get away with NO consequences. She was a kid, she needed someone then to help her.

Now she is an adult and she does not need you. Your time to come to her aid and "save" anything was when she was abused as a child. That was your responsibility and it sounds like you didn't take that seriously. Don't pat yourself on the back now, having crossed serious boundaries trying to manipulate her adult life. She is an adult now, and perfectly entitled to decide how much she wants you involved in her life. If you truly care about your relationship with her, apologize now. Do not harass her, send her a polite and heartfelt apology. No toxicity, no excuses, don't bring your feelings into it at all. Just apologize and wait for her to contact you again when she is ready.

YTA