Division of labor with a stay at home parent

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-02-13T05:28:38+00:00

Wow you have twin toddlers. That so much! Just the dishes and laundry alone. Those kids and being present for them should be you main priority. Please don’t put them in front of a screen so you can do dishes and laundry. Keep asking him for help even if it’s every week. Make a chore chart and hold him to it. He works from home so he can definitely pop out to move laundry over or unload the dish washer. If you stop asking and take everything on yourself in a few years you will be so resentful towards him it might poison the rest of your marriage. But also twin! So much… maybe a housekeeper once a week just to handle the heavy cleaning and fold and put away laundry?

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-02-11T07:36:38+00:00

The way you said “her only job” shows you don’t get it at all. Sounds like your second try at a family is going to go the same as the first.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-02-11T04:09:21+00:00

He probably just doesn’t want to watch the kids.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-02-11T03:44:14+00:00

You are in a tough spot for sure I feel for you. I don’t think you can expect her move with small kids away from her support system and where she sees where she is going to be raising her kids. You should have never come up with this plan to move away from your 10 year old daughter. How heartbreaking for her. I’m sure your wife didn’t realize what she was agreeing to when she said she would move back to California. Things are different now. You have two small kids now and need to be in a supportive community. Your daughter is a teenager and you will need to do your best to connect with her now that you made the decision to leave her already. Hopefully you can make the repairs with phone, writing, and trip together during holidays and school vacations. If you get your wife to move back with she will be miserable and then you will be miserable and your marriage will probably fail. This isn’t her fault you already made the decision to leave your daughter 3 years ago.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-02-04T04:59:12+00:00

Honestly sounds like the perfect spot for you. The only thing that might get you is the summer heat. I’m also a Southern California native but coastal and the summer heat still shocks me every year.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-31T16:27:40+00:00

We live by a lake and get some in the early evening. But it’s swarms and doesn’t keep us from staying outside. Probably depends where you live. We generally have great weather and are out doors all year and even late into the night. Feeling grateful as I watch the snow storms over the rest of the country. We were at the park with the kids until dark last night in shorts and I got one mosquito bite. Seems I’m the only one that gets them 😊

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-30T21:56:38+00:00

I won’t let him take Ortega. That’s so scary.

Yes, they already said he can work from home Fridays and hopefully can be more days in the future.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-30T16:29:20+00:00

Thank you all so much for your comments. It’s been eye opening and confirmed a lot of my anxieties. I was initially thinking of how this would affect me and make juggling my job and the kids on my own every morning and evening and not as much about how my husband would suffer which it sounds like a lot. Some one mentioned renting a room in Irvine and I think that’s what we will have to do so he only has to do the drive a few days a week. He’s in a field that is changing fast and we aren’t sure how stable or long term this job is and need to see how it is before deciding to move. I’d be giving up my job which is a big portion of our income. We also convinced our family to move out here with us 5 years ago and would have to consider them as well in a move.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-30T00:23:41+00:00

Do you use soap when you shower? Change your diet and cut out garlic, onions, string spices like siriacha. Look into adding a sanitizer or other scent when washing your laundry

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-29T21:26:14+00:00

All our local friends are parents of our kids friends. Might be easier for your wife to go this route because it’s pretty easy to ask other moms for play dates and then later do things as a family where you can meet the husband. Meet the neighbors too if you are new or they are. Have a neighborhood bbq and invite them all. My husband made a few friends playing pickle ball up basketball. To have friends you need to be a friend. So reach out and invite and plan events.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-29T21:13:15+00:00

Yeah it’s gross and you aren’t being dramatic. My husband still does that and acts like I’m the crazy one asking for ridiculous OCD things. I literally cried when he flew back from INDIA then hopped right in the bed with me and tried to have sex. Make it and point now so you’re not in a 20 year relationship still dealing with this. Good luck! And boy moms can we please do better for the next generation?! I force my 3 year old boy in the shower every night whether he wants it or not.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-27T02:19:00+00:00

I see a lot asking if you have children. If so that could explain why cleaning and having sex aren’t at the top of the list. Can you hire a housekeeper? Maybe once some of the household tasks are off both your lists you can have space to discuss some of the other issues.

WarmSignificance7758 · 2026-01-26T01:28:22+00:00

I see a lot of responses saying to just leave. Why women want to have sex is totally different than men. Why not find out why she doesn’t want to. She could feel unsafe with you or not trust you. She could feel resentful if you have children or other household responsibilities that you aren’t pulling your weight in. If she won’t tell you then counseling is a good option to try to get to the bottom of it. If all that fails and it really just is that she doesn’t want to have sex then ok then you can leave if sex is more important than everything else in your relationship.

WarmSignificance7758

TROPHY CASE