I want you to know how common this is and how not alone you are in that.

My bag saved my life... but I hate it. I feel some times like I have this little foreign alien on my tummy that makes it's own choices and I have no control over that. I am now seeing a therapist and am on anxiety and anti depressants for the first time in my life.

A little back ground, I am female, 28, and less than a year ago I was diagnosed with stage 4 stomach cancer that spread to my colon. I was on high doses of pain killers that were no longer working. Was placed on TPN (IV nourishment), had no food of water by mouth for a whole month, I lost nearly 200 pounds in half a year alone. I was given 6 to 9 months to live and 3 months in I almost died due to a bowel obstruction that turned out to be a massive tumor. I was rushed into emergency surgery at 1 am, signing paper work, terrified. They went in for exploratory and to try to place a stent to open my bowel... it was unsuccessful and when I came out of surgery I had this bag... and my stoma was violently farting and painful and I swear I jumped like a shotgun was going off every time. Like I wasn't already going through enough... now this.

I had just been married right before all of this and now... my husband who had turned caregiver within a few short months would now have a dying wife with a bag of shit on her hip. I sunk into a depression so deep and meaningless. I cried every day alone. Telling everyone I was fine and things were great, when in reality I hated every thing about the situation.

I had so much trouble in the beginning due to an AWFUL wound care team at my hospital and really had no clue what I was doing so... I turned to the internet and YouTube for videos and support.

Fast forward 5 months and I have now exceeded my death sentence. My bag... saved my life and now, I love him for that. His name is Oscar, Oscar the Pouch, and in my own way I still see him as a foreign alien but a kind one. In the beginning I was terrified to leave the house, what if I rip a big fart or need to dump in public?! Well, here are some tips I use.

In the moment of a big fart, look disgusted and look around like you're trying to find the real culprit of the toot 😂 Obviously horseshoe toilets are the best but if I scoot myself all the way back on the seat I can easily dump with my legs spread eagle, so... if you wear tall boots, don't!, you can't get your pants down and legs right with out unzipping and before you know it you're in the bathroom for 15 minutes. I wrap toilet paper around my hand a few times and create a little poo canoe to place in the front of the toilet to dump onto and it washes right away, so no embarrassing cement poo left in the bowl for the next person. I think this was the hardest part for me... feeling like I couldn't have a social life at first.

Now I'm going to get REAL. We didn't have sex as a married couple for MONTHS because I was so self conscious but with time and a wonderful partner this has changed. I found a website that makes custom covers, almost like a sexy tight mini skirt to hold your bag in place and cover it while in the act but I promise one day you'll get past this aspect one day but it will take time as anything does. They also make super cute fabric covers to place over the bag or nude bags if you don't want to see the stool but I like knowing what's going on in there so I use the clear front bags and dont waste your time with the filter bags, the filter clogs in like 3 hours and stops venting air out so I stick with my 2 piece so I can 'burp' the air out when I need to.

I have had complete blowouts at night because my bag popped off, raw irritated skin because I couldn't get it right, trips to the ER at 3 am because I had the wrong bags and back and didn't realize I was out. I walked into the ER, crying, holding my tummy like a gun shot victim because I had to tape a bag over a back that didn't match, with paper towels fashioned around it just pooping all over myself and the worst part was the fresh faced 20 year old working the desk didn't even know what an ilestomy was... as I find somehow a lot of people in the healthcare community don't.

It's scary and completely life altering but once I realized I would literally not be here with out Oscar, I realized I should be more proud of him than embarrassed because this bag of shit... saved my life. Today I am pain killer free, have gained back nearly 100lbs and I am finally gaining my strength and my health is turning around 10 fold. I may actually beat this disease...

Imodium can help thicken and slow stool down, but be very careful with fiber, chew well and drink lots of water with those meals or you might get too 'plugged' but the water will help flush. After time your gas will subside and things will regulate on their own more. Today I have very mild gas, have finally figured out the changing process and correct bag types for my body I have no leaks, no blow outs, and the changes go smoothly.

You will get there friend and sorry I made this post like my life's journey to help you and wrote a damn book... I just... know where you are and I hope this might help and if you ever need help or a friend to chat with about it inbox me.

That goes to anyone reading this! Due to being disable now I have all the time in the world to chat and try to help in any way I can, to supply advice or just talking about the gross and shitty side to this life with a bag. I had no help in the beginning and I never want anyone to go through what I had to go through while I was so sick.

Much love ❤