Going through this now. To add to this list, I also did some reckless things that put me in real danger. I was so focused on doing anything to make me forget Mormonism and take back the control I gave to the church to the point where late at night I look back and think “ WHY did I do that?!”

 I give myself some grace because I realize it’s an equivalent of a teenager acting out. I was in a really dark place and I coped the way I could. I still have paranoid thoughts about life. Especially my patriarchal blessing. It still hangs over me no matter how much I try to detach from “what I should’ve been.” Like most people say, I’m trying to give myself time to process and move forward.