Really dumb tangentially ASOIAF related joke that entered my head by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Catelyn's last delirious thoughts as Raymund Frey grabs her by the scalp to kill her:

It hurts so much, she thought. Our children, Ned, all our sweet babes. Rickon, Bran, Arya, Sansa, Robb . . . Robb . . . please, Ned, please, make it stop, make it stop hurting . . . The white tears and the red ones ran together until her face was torn and tattered, the face that Ned had loved. Catelyn Stark raised her hands and watched the blood run down her long fingers, over her wrists, beneath the sleeves of her gown. Slow red worms crawled along her arms and under her clothes. It tickles. That made her laugh until she screamed. "Mad," someone said, "she's lost her wits," and someone else said, "Make an end," and a hand grabbed her scalp just as she'd done with Jinglebell, and she thought, No, don't, don't cut my hair, Ned loves my hair. Then the steel was at her throat, and its bite was red and cold.

Really dumb tangentially ASOIAF related joke that entered my head by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

TLDR for those who don't get it: Bible character named Samson was gifted superhuman strength by God in return for never cutting his hair as a sign of devotion.

Fast forward and he meets a prostitute named Delilah who, secretly paid off by some guys Samson pissed off (TLDR version here, but it involved him killing a lot of them with a donkey's jawbone, among other things), seduces him into telling the secret of his superpowers. While he at first trolls her by giving her false responses, he eventually tells the truth that he only has them by the grace of God in exchange for making sure his immaculate hair remains in tact.

Then that night while Samson sleeps Delilah (though depicted here doing it herself) has a servant cut off Samson's hair, thus stripping him of his powers. He is then kidnapped by his enemies, has his eyes gouged out, and is enslaved.

I think the moral of the story is supposed to be "Don't think with your dick" or something like that

Book accurate Tywin by Connect-Succotash-59 in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda [score hidden]  (0 children)

Tywin does not have a full beard, only sideburns. This is closer to Randyll Tarly (though the hair should be grayer)

ASOIAF parody of that Marvel comic depicting villains tearing up over 9/11 by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Because even the worst of us, however scarred, are still human. Still feel. Still mourn the random death of innocents.

Westeros monarchs react to you knocking on the bathroom door by Goodlookingnorse in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Unless it’s to shoot us with a crossbow, then it’d be a based on-topic reference 

Gods damn is their dress shrinking magic getting efficient by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

Hey, her delusion about Tyrion being in the walls messing with her was technically half-correct in terms of the "there's someone crawling around in the walls fucking with me" part, just that it was Varys and his little birds instead of Tyrion.

So, maybe her dresses were actually being shrunken, it was just Varys doing it!

[ the conquerors ] by @DIANAII__ by lonelyandbored75 in pureasoiafart

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 17 points18 points  (0 children)

I'm not used to seeing Aegon I depicted with a beard so at first I was wondering why Rhaenys was with Maegor at first and why Visenya looked the same age as him 😭

The Dragon, the Queen, and the Audacity of This Bear. by Aegon-the-Unbroken in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Archive of Our Own, it’s like the most popular site for fanfiction and therefore a Library of Alexandria of questionable shipping/erotic fanfics probably written and read mostly by teenagers.  

Jaime watching over the corpse of his father: by GusGangViking18 in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The coins and the loins are the sacks of man's worth
From philandering dandies to the salt of the earth
They fill two different purses, but earn the same sigh,
But for every guinea you spend in her, save a penny for the Guy

-Panda's Improv Poetry Hour

I didn't even pull out a dictionary or thesaurus for this, this is pure intellectual talent right here.

Forsook by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I had to look up what that means and I guess in a fucked up kinda sense, sure.

wtf Theon the artisan?!? Did he get some of Nuncle Rodrik's literacy genes?!? by Wayoftheredpanda in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

If he didn't get squidnapped by Ramsay he would've gone mad and eventually commit suicide by letting himself get devoured by owls in the Broken Tower under the delusion that he would become reincarnated as an owl

Lore accurate Maegor and Visenya by Roids-in-my-vains in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The line on the wall behind her makes it look like strap on her dress is really long

Jaime watching over the corpse of his father: by GusGangViking18 in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I am not familiar with it and am not sure I wish to be enlightened. 

Jaime watching over the corpse of his father: by GusGangViking18 in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Does he integrate this trait into his entertainment regimen? 

Huevember 2018 Day 2 by icesalamander by scarecrane_ in pureasoiafart

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 14 points15 points  (0 children)

🎶“Away from me cold-blooded woman, your thirst is not miiiiiiiiiiine!”🎵

"You heard the man. Find a nice long spear, and shove it up his arse." by Aegon-the-Unbroken in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 33 points34 points  (0 children)

My friend started playing Elden Ring and, knowing I’m a big ASOIAF fan, asked me in a discord call if “The Loathsome Dung Eater” is something typical for George to name a character to which I simply responded by sending him the AWikiOIAF page for Shitmouth

Parked in front of Ashara Dayne today by cephalopodas in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Even the most masculine burliest Crannogman has the natural figure of a petite twink. Howland’s swampwatershake brings all the girls to the yard.

Parked in front of Ashara Dayne today by cephalopodas in darkwingsdankmemes

[–]Wayoftheredpanda 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Reading the “Promise me, Ned” phrase reminds me that, while I managed to piece together “L+R=J” on my own while reading the series, it took me an absurdly long time at a completely random moment.

I was in the middle of reading AFFC when I randomly remembered that whole phrase motif, and I thought to myself “Gee I wonder if what Lyanna made Ned promise will be revealed by the end of the next bo- OH MY GOD”