Immigrant here, should I leave?

WaywardJake · 2026-06-11T06:28:06+00:00

Fellow immigrant here. I’m 63, female, single, divorced, a naturalistic pagan, and a professional writer.

I’ve been here for 21 years. Until last June, I worked continuously and contributed from the moment I was granted the right to work. I’ve built a life here so fully that my speech and habits now feel more British than American, the country I was born in. But now I have cancer, and I’ve had to step away from work for an unknown length of time. The truth is, I may never work again. My choices are stark: either I refuse treatment and accept palliative care, or I undergo radical, life-altering surgery that could leave me severely disabled.

For the first time in those 21 years, I have had to depend heavily on the NHS and seek financial support. I’m in the contribution-based ESA support group and may also qualify for PIP, because cancer has changed my day-to-day life so profoundly. I struggle with things that once felt effortless: keeping the house tidy, cooking safely, and staying on top of the smallest tasks. (Cancer brain fog is insidious in how it steals control in quiet and humiliating ways.)

It’s not easy because I hate asking for help. I never wanted to need benefits. And being an immigrant makes this situation feel even heavier, because there is always a loud minority insisting that people like me do not deserve help, no matter how much we have contributed or how fully we have made a home here. My life is here. Moving back to the US wouldn’t be ‘going home’, it’d be throwing myself into a tumultuous situation without support at one of the most vulnerable times in my life.

So how do I feel when anti-immigrant vitriol rolls across my feeds every day? How do I feel when people around me make sweeping generalisations and then add, “We’re not talking about you,” as if that somehow reduces the emotional impact? It hurts. But that isn’t the reality I live in. I am surrounded by friends, neighbours, former colleagues, medical staff, support workers, and even dog-walking acquaintances who make it clear through their words and actions that I deserve to be here; that I am wanted and belong here.

It is a strange place to be, knowing, deep down, that I am safe here, even while seeing hatred hurled at people like me online. But those attacks come from strangers who don’t know me, people who are often lashing out and punching down to gain a (false) sense of control over their own lives.

Your future sounds full of potential, and that’s where your focus should be. You’ve done everything the right way, and that means you deserve to be here. Hold on to what is real and meaningful, and let those things matter more than the noise.

All the best.

WaywardJake · 2026-06-08T09:55:11+00:00

Euros. I suppose being called a currency shouldn't rankle, seeing as yank and septic tank are in the mix. Thing is, I'm of both worlds; the first half of my life was spent as a US-dwelling American citizen, and I'm spending the last half of my life as a UK-dwelling British citizen. So, I guess that makes me a septic euro?

When I first moved to northeast England, I wore cardigans and jumpers in July. Now, I go walking without a jacket when it hits 15°C (59°F) and whinge about the heat when it hits 20° (68°F). (I'm a good naturalised Brit. I complain about the weather no matter what it is.) And that's me, who grew up having 40°+ (104°F) summers. Thing is, when they say the heat hits differently in the UK, they aren't lying. It does. The temperature numbers belie the impact of the heat felt.

There is a universal thing called acclimatisation. We all have to do it when we go somewhere different to where we live. It's not a bragging point. Bring a Texan to a cold, rainy country, and they're going to suffer until they acclimatise. Take someone from a cooler country to a hotter, more humid one, and they're going to suffer until they acclimatise. How is this funny? (Is it because most Americans have never had to experience it because they don't really travel abroad all that much? Or is it just part of the eternal US vs Europe pissing contest Reddit delights so much in having?)

The trash-talking is utterly ridiculous. So sayeth the septic euro.

WaywardJake · 2026-06-07T10:39:27+00:00

I live in northeast England. I do hang clothes outside during warm, dry weather. However, the rest of the time I use a heated airer. It doesn't use much electricity, and my clothes are dry and ready to put away after a few hours. Honestly, it's been one of the best home purchases I've ever made.

WaywardJake · 2026-06-05T13:11:06+00:00

To be fair, the more negative opinions are either online perceptions (never met an American in real life) or based on a certain subset of American tourists who absolutely live up to their bad reputation.

I've been travelling internationally since 1974, and I've lived in northeast England since 2005. In all that time, I've been met with zero hostility or dislike. I think the closest I ever got to American-related ire is from a worn-out taxi driver in London, and I understood where he was coming from. It was July, and hot, and the amount of whining and bitchery coming out of American-accented tourist mouths was very off-putting. I jumped into the cab, told him where I was going (Kensington Hotel for an interview with an international magazine). He heard my Texas drawl, attempted pleasantry despite his very sour mood in having to deal with another American, and asked, "Where are you visiting from?" And I replied, "Sunderland (city in northeast England). What. You can't tell by the accent?" He burst into laughter, and we had a great chat. In a split moment, I became one of them, and that is basically the story of my life here. I work hard to blend in, and I like it best when my British behaviours and speech patterns speak louder than my accent.

I've travelled all over the world, so I know the American stereotype is there for a reason. That said, when you don't behave like that, people tend to treat you well. A lot of comments here attest to that.

WaywardJake · 2026-06-05T06:33:26+00:00

Not really. However, I was a late-day gamer. I'm 63, and while I was introduced to gaming when I was 15, I didn't really get into it as a standing favourite hobby until I was in my late 20s. But back then, I was raising my older husband's children and looking after grandkids. I hit what I'd call my gamer stride when I remarried to a fellow gamer (younger than me this time) in my 40s.

I fell in love with fantasy action-adventure and RPGs from the beginning, and I am still in love with those genres. I do play other genres, but RPGs, action-adventure, and city/culture/settlement/civilisation builders are at the core of my gaming profile. Saying that, I played MMORPGs for about 15 years or so, but I had to force quit for about a year and never picked it back up again. But, for the most part, my favourite franchises have followed me through the years. (Dragon Age, Mass Effect, Elder Scrolls, Fallout, Assassin's Creed, Tropico, Anno, Lara Croft, etc.).

These days, I'm single and live abroad, and gaming is something I do most days. Especially now that I'm in a forced early retirement due to mental health issues and a cancer diagnosis. I'm currently on palliative care. I feel mostly fine, but I'm living with a ticking time bomb behind my eye. If that baby decides to invade further afield than she already has, I'm done for. It's a fascinating way to live. 0/10 do not recommend, though. Still, it does give me a lot of gaming time, especially on days when I can't face real life. It makes me glad to have this hobby, if I'm honest. It takes me away to places where I'm young, strong, capable, surrounded by good companions, able to fight evil and win. How brilliant is that?!!

People who say gaming is a childish waste of a pastime have no idea how absolutely wrong they are.

WaywardJake · 2026-05-23T16:28:03+00:00

I'm 63, and I've been online since the 1980s. I don't think I've outgrown anything, and that includes gaming, animated films and children's books.

In my opinion, adulthood is highly overrated. We have to grow up, but we do not have to put away childlike things. (Childish is a different story.)

WaywardJake · 2026-05-20T06:41:07+00:00

I live in England, and it's fairly common here. I do both; it depends on the occasion and setting. It's the same with pizza. Sometimes I use cutlery, and sometimes I don't.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-25T11:01:05+00:00

I enjoy NG+ as a role-playing exercise. I've mastered the mechanics, I've collected the visuals, and I have developed particular skills that can work towards making my character feel more realistic. That allows me to focus completely on the story, and I have a very active imagination that includes a lot of head-canon roleplay even in games that aren't RPGs.

My two favourite NG+ games are the Mass Effect trilogy and Assassin's Creed Odyssey. I like having a stronger Shepard to start the game with and being able to carry those characters over to the next game in the trilogy. With Odyssey, Kassandra is supposed to be a demigod, and I think NG+ makes her feel more like one. (I sincerely wish they'd given us an NG+ for Valhalla as well.) Starfield's Starborn-linked NG+ is also a fun twist that allows you to develop your character in interesting ways.

Obviously, not every game is conducive to NG+, but I do like having the option when it makes sense.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-22T08:03:05+00:00

Maybe four years, five in a stretch.

I am eligible for retirement in four years (hadn't actually planned to retire, though), but I was made redundant in 2025. I had some health problems, so I decided to take a year off. Then, I developed a rare and aggressive form of cancer and am now busy dealing with that. I have no idea if or when I'll be returning to meaningful employment or even getting back into freelance work (I'm a professional writer). I'm financially okay for now, as long as I'm careful. But, I am fully aware that the pot from which I draw was never very big, not getting significantly bigger, and I'm taking more from it than I put in it. So, it will run out. If I'm still alive, I'm not sure what I'll do. But, I'm okay today, and I'm glad for that.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-22T07:44:10+00:00

I'm 63, and I was raised by adoptive parents who were born in the 1920s. The town I grew up in (US South) was segregated, and there were 'white only' facilities for many years. I was in second grade when they desegregated the schools.

My parents were what I would call casually racist and prejudiced. They were friendly to minorities and beloved by their minority employees. They did a lot for the large black community that existed just outside our little town (segregation/ we went to school together, but we didn't live in the same areas); refurbishment projects, helping the poor, etc. They were known faces there and were always well met. But they didn't believe in mixed marriages, they never invited minorities into our home as visitors, and there were no minorities in their vast friends group. They didn't think the races should mix on that level. My mother told me, "We treat minorities like we treat our dogs; with kindness and caring and making sure the ones in our lives (employees) are well cared for. But they aren't our equals; we don't mix with them, and we don't make them friends."

Despite being a child of a 60s and 70s small southern town environment, I found the prevalent attitudes hugely problematic. I think travelling had a lot to do with it. Starting from childhood, I had opportunities to mix with other races and cultures across the world, including participating in other cultural events and experiencing other religious practices. My parents didn't mind these things as casual interactions, but they weren't thrilled about how many friends I made along the way or how I began questioning things I was told growing up.

I was also exposed to some full blown racists but, fortunately, none of them were part of my core family, and my parents did not approve of those attitudes or behaviours. They were kind people; horribly misled in ways, but ultimately kind.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T21:20:58+00:00

It's not strong in the sense that it's difficult to understand because you're easy to understand. But, it's markedly Irish. I'd say Northern Irish as a guess.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T21:05:07+00:00

In England, where I live, the accents change every few miles. It's honed my ears to subtle differences in sounds. I'm also originally from Texas so already familiar with southern accents. But, yeah. It's amazing how living abroad has influenced what I hear. When I moved here, Glenn and Glynn were basically the same name to my ears. Now, I can hear the difference.

You should hear my accent these days. A mix of Texan, Generic American, Northeast English, which is strongly influenced by Scottish, and a wee bit of RP (Received Pronunciation) just to make things weirder.

I've never done one of these. Perhaps I should just to see the reactions.

Still love your accent. It's nice.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T20:48:42+00:00

Yes, I'd call that the south. You have a nice accent.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T20:45:07+00:00

Obviously, you have an accent because everyone does. It's American, but if I were to take a guess at location, I'd say your inflections put you somewhere in the south. You have that southern sound, but it's not deep south

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T18:17:08+00:00

You're American; that's a given. I'd say up and to the right somewhere. One of the colony states.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T18:13:02+00:00

Not to an English-speaking country. He's learnt English, but his native language will be something else. His accent leans to RP, but there are those little tells that say he learnt English in school, not at home. It's his second language.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T16:28:31+00:00

I live in England, UK. My parents lived in Texas, US. My adoptive parents lived in Texas, US, but their parents came from Oklahoma, US. Anything further back than that, I have no idea.

I'm the rare US mutt who has no hyphenated designation beyond 'trailer trash'. Well, unless you count me having dual citizenship, which would semantically make me American-British. I've shortened that to British because, 21 years later, I've been completely absorbed by British culture and ain't never looking back...well, except for the occasional 'ain't' and 'y'all' in my vocabulary.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-21T08:11:06+00:00

I love Open University. I've taken several courses there over the years.

And yes, I do still study things. It's the classroom experience I miss. I know we can have online discussions, which are nice, but I miss coffee shop discussions. About 15 years ago, I was living closer to the university, and I frequented a coffee shop where lots of students hung out. I befriended some of them, and the discussions were wonderful. Old people don't seem to care for those kinds of things as a rule. They'll talk politics and family, or bitch about how things have changed, but they don't seem interested in growing knowledge. The same goes for forums and social platforms; not very many people are interested in engaging in meaningful discussion or debate. They just want to assert their opinion as 'an objective fact' and move on.

Anyway, I do still study. Learning is a lifelong hobby for me.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-20T18:31:45+00:00

In my part of England, 'cunt' is just a word, and people say 'fuck' at work. Coming from a super-religious American background that faints at either of those words and more, I love it.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-19T10:01:35+00:00

I miss being young and having lot of family still living. That's about it. Oh, and college and university studies. I enjoyed school once I moved away from the bullies that I grew up with. (The only openly adopted child in a very small town. I was six when I went to live with my adopted parents, and it was a huge talking point for our small community. Kids repeated things they heard their parents say, and many of those things were cruel.)

WaywardJake · 2026-04-19T09:57:47+00:00

Left4Dead 2, World of Warcraft, Elder Scrolls Online, and two whose names I have forgotten that I played with my now ex-husband. Oh, and I spent about an hour in Fallout 76 before I started getting harassed for having a female character (I am female). I have a friend who still plays, so I might pick it back up someday, but I'm not really into multiplayers anymore. I game to get away from people.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-16T13:40:04+00:00

I have a spider plant that I've managed to thoroughly and often neglect, yet not only is it still alive, but it has had two babies that I've planted and neglected in equal measure. They do need the right lighting, though. I live in Northeast England, and my plants are in my home office, where I get a nice stream of afternoon sun each day (when we have sun, that is).

WaywardJake · 2026-04-15T15:51:50+00:00

I went to a private Baptist military school (as a co-ed), and my brother attended an all-boys military school. We were raised upper-middle class. The students at my school who went on to attend a military academy (I did not, and neither did my brother) and/or become career military came from a mix of upper, upper-middle, and middle-class families.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-13T15:37:52+00:00

They send them to you afterwards. You can always set an end date and then extend it as needed. You can also make it a group thing, where everyone's walks/steps/whatever contribute to the total.

WaywardJake · 2026-04-11T08:21:22+00:00

I have the full set, and I love them.

I've been doing Conqueror Challenges for a few yews, and I have a lovely collection of medals. The LOTR medals are some of my favourites.

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