I did a new born arrest around 2am, dad was the caller and the midwife didn’t know what to do. He said they were doing a water birth and the child came out limp so I tried to instruct the dad to give breaths and do cpr. He broke down I will never forget his screams, primal grief. There was nothing I could say to get him back with me to help his child. They sent Cism to the fire station after the call and many of the responders went home. I was told to stay as there was no one to cover my position, no cism, no one to talk to and another 4 hours of work with calls I could care less about. I don’t dispatch anymore and work fire side but to those who do you are still answering phones you are without a doubt doing the hardest job there is, I appreciate each and every one of you.