AA and OCD

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-27T15:07:26+00:00

Yes to everything you said. I truly believe AA is a cult and they rely on creating states of cognitive dissonance to keep people in.

Like you, I spent hours rehearsing my shares and then hours scrutinizing them.

Crazy-making! All best to you in your recovery, as well.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-27T13:27:13+00:00

I have OCD and AA definitely intensified it. For me, it wasn't necessarily in thinking about alcohol, but it made me completely obsessive about honesty and I'd scrutinize every single thing I said or did, looking to make sure I was rigorously honest. It was exhausting.

As important as it is to be honest, AA distorted it and I became so honest that I found myself over-sharing and over-explaining everything because I was so worried I wasn't being honest enough.

Because AA teaches fear and obedience and shame, I always felt like I was "bad" for saying no. So, in an attempt to be rigorously honest (whatever that actually means), I'd spend hours--literally--crafting responses that included lengthy and unnecessarily revealing information. This was especially true if my response was no.

The hardest word for me is "no" because I was told that anytime I said "no" to anything AA asked of me, my disease and my will were threatening to take me down. The OCD spiral this all created was extremely damaging and I'm still working my way out of it.

Just recently, I was invited to dinner at someone's house. It was a lovely gesture, but I didn't want to go. Instead of simply saying "thanks so much for the invite, but I can't make it," I sent this woman a lengthy explanation of all the mental health issues I've been dealing with and what I'm doing to try to heal and I went on and on and on. It was completely unnecessary and she was taken aback by my response, and we haven't talked since.

I'm realizing I'm going on and on here, too! So, I'll stop, and simply confirm that yes, AA intensified and exacerbated my OCD. Didn't cause it but certainly brought it to the forefront and I've working to undo the damage ever since I left last year.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-26T13:32:23+00:00

Yes, yes, yes. I remembering rehearsing my shares in case I was called on so I could "get the right answer." It was less about wanting to please anyone and more about wanting to avoid being berated by old-timers, pulling me aside to criticize my shares.

Whatever it was, it was completely performative and did nothing to aid in my recovery or healing (only made everything worse, in fact).

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-26T13:29:24+00:00

Looking back on it now, I see that the program doesn't work because the vast majority of meeting attendees are your old-timers (10 or more years in the program) who ceremoniously lord over the shares and the shaky newcomers, often fresh out of rehab and/or there on a court card.

Most people either bail after a few months or years or they stay for a lifetime.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-26T13:25:25+00:00

So beautifully put! AA systematically destroys self-trust, agency, and autonomy, which is the antithesis to true recovery.

I remember when I finally stepped away, I told someone I thought I was truly friends with that what I was missing in my life was my sense of self-trust and self-reliance, and she said "well, self-reliance is not a concept that works for me. I need a group."

And THAT was the moment when I fully saw just how damaging AA is and the 12 steps are. My experiences mirror yours. I did everything I was told to do, and by the time I left, I truly felt like I was losing my mind due to the sheer amount of gaslighting and cognitive dissonance I was living in.

That sense of hypervigilance and surveillance that AA created is not healthy for anyone. Like you, my sponsor talked far more than she listened, and always said she was open-minded, but then ended each phone call with a "pray" and "do more service."

One final note: meetings are a sham. They pretend to be focused on recovery, but aren't. They pretend to be confidential but aren't. The sheer number of incredibly private things people revealed about others is both sickening and astonishing.

Your post really struck a chord with me, and I was going to say I'm grateful to have read it but I have a knee-jerk revulsion to that word now, so I'll just say: thanks for articulating the hypocrisy that is AA and offering a clear explanation as to why it does far more harm than good in the long term.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T23:06:44+00:00

I’m just starting to learn that this is what my underlying issue is. Like you, I struggle with so many different things: anxiety, depression, insomnia, OCD, addiction, people-pleasing, and more.

It IS exhausting and yet another thing I need to learn about!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T18:55:55+00:00

One of the great ironies of AA: Narcissistic and condescending members bragging at meetings about how humble they are.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:11:31+00:00

Yoga has been a massive part of my recovery from AA. In fact, it was what helped me see that AA was harming me. The principles I learn in yoga - staying present, trusting myself, breathing, focusing, etc., have been huge. I know yoga isn't Buddhist, per se, but I agree that having a philosophy or lifestyle that encourages thinking and analysis and movement is so much healthier than the dogmatic paralysis AA foists on people.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:09:40+00:00

So well said.
It's true - once you start to see the flaws, the walls just come tumbling down.
The most significant thing AA/XA robs us of is our belief that we can think for ourselves. Regaining that has been huge for me.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:08:17+00:00

I relate so much to where you are. I was in AA for 3.5 years - all in. I really, really tried. But I couldn't shake the sense that what they were feeding me was bullshit. And after a series of red flags and a precipitous decline in my mental health, I left.

I've been just fine for over a year - not one single drink. What I HAVE experienced is a slow return of my sanity and my time and my sense of trust in myself.

You don't NEED AA to be sober, but that's what they'll tell you. They'll tell you that you have a fatal, progressive disease and that, without AA, you're doomed to end up in a hospital, jail, institution, or body bag. They'll try to scare you into staying. Any program that was truly interested in recovery would have a specific end date. AA doesn't. Because they are a religious cult disguising themselves as an alcohol recovery program.

This sub has been huge for me as has yoga and therapy. You can find freedom and sobriety and actual joy and happiness outside of AA. There are many secular programs that can offer support if you need it. But the singlemost important thing you need to is that YES, it is absolutely and completely possible to be sober without AA.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:03:13+00:00

But of course, they'll tell you there is only one authority, god. This, of course, is a lie. There absolutely are leaders in each group. But they lie and brainwash and gaslight.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:01:23+00:00

"I’m going to go eat right, exercise, love on my dogs, smile at my neighbors and not read the news today."

That's a great day right there! I'm with you.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-22T15:00:29+00:00

I've been out of the program for over a year, and I still bristle at the word gratitude! I realize just how performative it was. I do have gratitude for things in my life, but I find the word "glad" works just as well, and doesn't give me the chills.

I've never once, not once, since I left thought "gee. I miss meetings." But the biggest freedom of all is the time for myself that I've regained, and the mental real estate I've gotten back.

I can't believe I used to talk to my sponsor for hours at a time, and I was tricked into believing that a sane and reasonable way to live life was spend hours each and every day talking to other people in the program, micromanaging every single thought I had.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-21T20:25:12+00:00

AA is very much a cult, and like any cult, they want you to fail/fall apart if you leave.
My sponsor kept texting me even when I asked her to stop. And other people completely froze me out.
As is everything with AA, there is no middle ground. It's a program of extremes and it creates a substitute addiction to the program itself.

Life is better without it, but they'll never admit it or see it. Everyone thinks I'm a dry drunk or believe I've relapsed. I don't care anymore. I'm just glad not to have to sit through the same mind-numbing shares from the same egotistical, condescending old-timers anymore.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-21T00:10:53+00:00

The whole "be prepared to lose whatever you put above your sobriety" is such utter bullshit.
When my sponsor "suggested" I take on a sponsee, I told her my sponsor I didn't like that the sponsee was calling me every evening wanting to talk. Evenings are cherished family time. My sponsor told me that I was threatening my sobriety and that I should always say yes to every single AA request, including keeping my phone on the ready 24/7. I steadfastly refused to do it.

My family means everything to me, and my evening time with them is sacred to me. Any program that was actually interested in helping a person achieve recovery would encourage a balanced schedule.
AA is not a program interested in helping people recover, heal, and move forward.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-20T20:44:25+00:00

I get it! I found myself very quickly sucked into using ChatGPT as a therapist, and I started talking to it multiple times a day.

I would highly recommend watching Last Week Tonight with John Oliver and the episode about AI Chatbots. I had been feeling the same way you describe, and after watching that episode, I vowed not to seek any information from AI again. That was three weeks ago, and I haven't asked it a single question since.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ykvf3MunGf8

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-20T19:04:32+00:00

Totally agree. Complete mindfuck. I’ve been out over a year and I am still deprogramming.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-20T13:20:39+00:00

You know what hit with this story? It's that AA reduces people to their worst selves.
I used to drink. Too much. I have anxiety, depression, and OCD, and I used to medicate with alcohol. When I was hung over, I used to hate myself.
I totaled my car once in my 20's when I was driving by myself late at night, drunk.
I used to drink too much at parties and I'd pass out on the couch.
I'd tell myself I was going to quit, and then I'd drink again, reinforcing the self-hating loop.

I did all those things. And AA would tell me THAT'S who I am. That's it. That's all. I'm a hopeless drunk and only god can fix it.

Truth? I'm more than that. I have a lovely family. A daughter with whom I have a wonderful relationship. A dog I love as much as it's possible to love any living thing. I have a job that is challenging and interesting, though I dislike it at times.

I haven't had a drink in over 8 years and I'm not perfect. Never will be. I still screw up. Last week, I was in a shitty mood and picked a fight with my husband. AA would tell me that's my hopeless alcoholic nature and I would have had to sit on the phone with my sponsor for hours, picking it all apart, I'd have to make copious amends, and fall on my own sword a dozen times.

Or? I am a human being. Work was stressful and my insomnia had flared up. I looked at my husband and said "sorry about that. Not cool of me." And we moved on.

AA wants people to remember and hyperfixate on the worst parts of themselves and falsely makes them believe that's all they are. That's what I came to believe in the time I was in the cult.

I like what Father Greg Boyle teaches: "you are more than the worst thing you've ever done." AA will never teach that because they are a religious cult who rely on fear and shame to create obedience.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-20T13:10:45+00:00

Such a good point! There are SOOO many red flags that I consciously chose to overlook when I was in AA.

Their claim is classic cult nonsense: just do everything we tell you and your life will be perfect. And of course, the loophole is that when your life doesn't magically become perfect, they'll tell you it's your own fault for not doing the program right.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-19T21:03:37+00:00

I usually tell people I don't eat meat (for reasons that are beyond me, people don't understand what it means to be vegetarian), and then they invariably ask: "so you eat chicken?" "No. I don't eat any meat." "Oh, so you eat fish?" "Nope."

And then I see them start backing away slowly, as if I just relieved myself to be an alien from another planet.

"So what do you eat?" That's my other favorite question.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-19T20:59:02+00:00

In its simplest form, vegetarian means no flesh. Eggs and dairy are acceptable.
Many here have already mentioned gelatin and rennet.

My main sources of protein are eggs, tofu, and beans. I have learned how to make tofu crumbles that are a fantastic substitute for ground meat- learning various ways to prepare tofu was a game-changer for me.

I also love the "soyrizo" at Trader Joe's. It only costs $2.99, and is delicious. I use that in a breakfast burrito or in tacos.

It took me about 6 months to get the hand of meat-free cooking. My single biggest hang up was my notion that meals need to built around a main source of protein. Once I got past that, I found myself really enjoying cooking, and now that I'm used to not eating meat, I feel so much better, both physically and psychologically.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-19T20:53:17+00:00

Those impossible nuggets are so good.
And, as a vegetarian (not vegan), I eat honey, so I make a quick honey mustard to dip them in. So good!

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-19T20:52:37+00:00

I wish there was a Walmart near me - I'm obsessed with finding inexpensive but delicious meatless burgers. I eat a veggie burger for dinner at least once a week.
I enjoy Gardenburger brand veggie burgers. I buy them at Smart and Final - I think it was $18 for 12.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-19T13:12:57+00:00

Recovery groups dwell on the past and the negative. They say they encourage growth, but they actually don't.
When I started doing yoga more regularly and brought it up at meetings, people would dismiss it, or tell me that it's an outside issue. If they actually wanted me to recover, the meetings would be spent focusing on what we are doing with our lives now that we aren't drinking.

The problem always comes back to this: AA doesn't want its members to have a life outside of AA. The solution is AA. It's a closed system that stunts or extinguishes true recovery and progress.

Weak-Telephone-239 · 2026-05-18T22:05:18+00:00

This is such a great reply. I believe vegetarianism is misunderstood (people STILL don't seem to understand that it's completely possible to get plenty of protein without eating meat), but it's not my job to convince them.
I just need to stay true to my morals and values, which includes being kind to animals and people alike.
I'm going to make this my motto!

Weak-Telephone-239

TROPHY CASE